AITA for telling my ex that he absolutely sucked in bed due to his weight?

Seven years after their painful split, she watches from the sidelines as her ex effortlessly moves on, his new girlfriend glowing with a warmth and kindness that her children adore. Meanwhile, her own heart has found a new home in a man who feels like a perfect match—steady, loving, and strong. Yet, beneath the surface of this fragile peace, her ex’s cruel remarks about her fiancé’s weight cut deeper than she expected, stirring old wounds and unspoken insecurities.

Her past with him is a shadow she can’t forget—years marked by silent suffering and physical pain, where love was overshadowed by discomfort and emptiness. The memory of those bruises and broken moments lingers, a stark reminder of why she chose to walk away. Now, as she builds a new life filled with hope and happiness, the bitterness of his judgments threatens to unravel the fragile joy she’s fought so hard to reclaim.

AITA for telling my ex that he absolutely sucked in bed due to his weight?

My ex and I split up 7 years ago and he gets our kids every other weekend. About a year after the split we both started seeing other people. His current girlfriend is absolutely stunning and she’s fantastic with my kids.

But.. my ex makes comments about my fiancé’s weight more often than he should.

My ex is scrawny (like 110lbs). He quite literally does not have any weight to him at all and you can see damn near every bone he has in his body. TMI but I actually stopped having intimate relations with him about a year and a half before we split because I was so tired of walking out of the situation bruised and in pain from his hip bones smashing in to my inner legs.

Everything about it was painful. Nothing about it brought pleasure to me, ever. I liked him so the lack of sex (or terrible sex) wasn’t originally an issue but after awhile.. it became a massive problem and 100% the reason why I no longer wanted him.

I wasn’t even remotely satisfied and found myself straying. When I realized I was growing sexually tense around other men, I brought it up with my ex and told him everything. The split was amicable (I never cheated- I left before it ever got to that point).

We remained friends. But I started losing respect for him and distancing myself when started dropping comments about my fiancés weight.

My fiancé is a bigger guy. Maybe around 230ish lbs and honestly, I’m so sexually driven by him. Everything about him is so wildly attractive to me and in the 6 years I’ve been with him, I’ve not once ever longed for something more.

But my ex.. as I said, makes comments about my fiancés weight. He came to pick up the kids the other day with his GF and he said- to her- “yeah every guy she ever had an interest in was fat except me”.

So I said “maybe if you put on some weight and stopped being terrible in bed by bruising people and hurting them with your hip bones we wouldn’t have had an issue and I wouldn’t have left”.

He said it’s a low blow that I said that and was even more wounded because his GF laughed but like.. why even bring it up, for one and why continuously comment on my fiancés weight anyhow?

Here’s how people reacted:

Sufficient-Ant6619

ESH.

First, you guys have kids. Stop bickering over a dead relationship you’ve both “moved on from”. I get that you didn’t start it, but you didn’t finish it either. You played in to his jealous, petty BS and he’ll keep doing it as a result because it’s not about how fat he thinks your dude it, it’s about how insecure he is. Your job now is to get along and set a good example for your kids. How are you going to tell them in the future to stop arguing and get along when you and their dad can’t do it?

Second, he made it about weight, YOU made it about sex. And let’s be real, you did that intentionally to hurt him. You made it more personal than it needed to be. Was he asking for it? Yes, of course he was. Should you have given it to him? No, see my first point. But is the story funny and do i wish i had been there to see it? Absolutely.

GoodQueenFluffenChop

>He came to pick up the kids the other day with his GF and he said- to her- “yeah every guy she ever had an interest in was fat except me”. So I said “maybe if you put on some weight and stopped being terrible in bed by bruising people and hurting them with your hip bones we wouldn’t have had an issue and I wouldn’t have left”. **He said it’s a low blow**

Ah another one of those he can dish it out but can’t take it in return. Another reason why it’s better he’s an ex.

NTA

Sevs12

Everyone going to glaze over how she 100% divorced him because he was too skinny? Stayed with him for another year and half because she liked him (not loved)…was having thoughts of straying so got out (which is one of the pluses)…of course he’s fixated on weight, she divorced him for weight. Yeah he’s being a AH now but you take the cake for the biggest AH. Guarantee she’s with another guy in 8 years because 230 was too heavy after awhile.

Disastrous-Panda5530

When I met my husband I hated it too. He was tall and lean but his hip bones would dig into my inner things also. He played football and surfed and I didn’t do certain positions anymore. I’m so glad he has more meat on his bones now so it isn’t an issue. Your ex is an ass for bringing up your fiancés weight which he is likely doing to make himself look better. I would have said something similar so I’m going to say NTA

devonlala95

NTA. Dude I love that the GF laughed too. It sounds like he’s insecure which he needs to deal with. I’d hate for his insecurity to ruin his relationship with you as a coparent and his relationship with GF, who has the potential to be a great bonus parent.

cthulhusmercy

NTA. I’d even go so far to say that he’s the bigger AH for talking negatively about people behind their backs. At least you had the guts to say something to his face 🤷‍♀️ play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Manager-Tough

NTA – don’t make comments about other peoples bodies if you don’t want comments made about your own. Sounds like he’s holding on to some resentment either about the divorce or that you’re so happy.

hnygrl412

NTA that falls under the “Fuck Around and Find Out” Category.

Don’t dish it if ya can’t TAKE it. Must still be true if GF laughed.

Abject_Tax9802

You’re a pair of AHs unfortunately, doesn’t matter who started it. Hopefully the kids weren’t around for it

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is facing a recurring conflict where her ex-partner repeatedly insults her current fiancé’s weight, seemingly motivated by his own insecurity stemming from the OP leaving him partially due to physical incompatibility. The OP reacted defensively by revealing a private, painful detail about their past intimacy, which further wounded the ex, despite his instigation.

Given the ex’s continued pattern of making negative comments, is the OP justified in using deeply personal and hurtful past experiences as a defense mechanism, or should she establish firmer boundaries focused solely on future conduct regarding her fiancé?