Yet, beneath this surface of tenderness, another storm brewed at home. Her husband’s guarded silence spoke volumes, revealing a deeper concern rooted not in character but in appearances. The clash between love’s pure intentions and societal judgments would soon test the family’s unity and the true meaning of acceptance.
My daughter (17f) recently started dating this boy 17m. He is her first bf ever. One of my biggest concerns when my daughter started dating is her getting mistreated, an obvious concern.
However, after meeting her bf at one of his baseball games (she met him trough one of her friends in baseball) I realized this was not something I had to be seriously concerned about.
He is genuinely one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Every time I see him interact with the coaches, his teammates, his opponents, my daughter, etc. it is always positive. He is just generally a very soft-spoken and kind individual, always positive and happy.
I also say this with no ill intent, but he is fairly short and somewhat tubby, which is relevant to my husbands opinion.
I obviously do not care about this as he is a good person and quite clearly treats my daughter well. When my husband met him earlier however he did not seem as happy.
Once he had left he told me that he don’t think he was right for our daughter. He made comments about him not being man enough. I said that our daughter clearly loves him and he clearly loves our daughter, and that I’m happy she’s with someone we know is going to treat her right.
My husband said that he would rather her be with a “real man”, not some short little gay kid. I got a little mad at this and said what would you rather have him be then? some big macho man that snaps at our daughter?
He responded by saying that that would be better then some fat pansy.
I told him he was just being an annoying dick to the kid for no reason other then he doesnt think hes “man” enough for some stupid arbitrary reason and that he should be supporting our daughter.
He said if yout fine with our daughter dating a fucking pansy so be it I guess. He stormed off and I’ve been reflecting on it and think maybe what I said was uncalled for as he has his own perspective on these things as a dad, and I should not have started thrown around insults as that does nothing to fix this issue for our daughter and her bf
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is in a conflict where her positive assessment of her daughter’s kind boyfriend clashes directly with her husband’s negative judgment based on superficial, traditional masculine standards. The OP feels protective of her daughter’s happiness and defends the boyfriend’s good character, while simultaneously regretting her own sharp language used when confronting her husband’s outdated views.
Should the parents prioritize their daughter’s happiness with a genuinely caring partner, or should the father’s concerns regarding traditional masculine traits dictate the acceptability of the relationship, even if it means dismissing a good person?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your husband however is a gaping one who shits out toxic masculinity.
This is clearly how he would prefer the world to be. Does this jackass have any qualities redeeming enough to make up for this? Can there be any?
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This isn’t good dad behavior. He’s had 17 years to raise a daughter and shed this kind of bullshit misogynistic thinking and he’s failed. What a pathetic “man.”