AITAH for sunbathing topless when I said I was going to sunbathe topless?

Every November, she returns to her sanctuary under the sun, a villa in Tenerife that has been a second home since she was eighteen. For years, she’s embraced this freedom—sunbathing topless, swimming, living naturally—unfazed by the world, surrounded by her husband and his friends who understand and accept her without judgment.

But this year, a new presence disrupts the familiar rhythm. Rose, the girlfriend of one of the friends, arrives, bringing with her unspoken tensions and silent challenges. What was once a carefree escape now trembles on the edge of change, threatening the delicate balance of trust and freedom she has cherished for so long.

AITAH for sunbathing topless when I said I was going to sunbathe topless?

Me (36f) and my husband (42m) go away for two weeks every November to my parents villa in Tenerife. We normally go with four of his friends. This has been happening every year for the past 5 years with my husband and his friends but I’ve gone there every year since I was 18 in November as a last bit of heat and top up my tan before winter hits.

Whenever I go on holiday I always sunbathe topless and this is no different. Anytime we are outside I’m topless, sunbathing, swimming in the pool, eating outside. It just feels natural as this place feels like home to me.

My husband and his friends don’t care as they’ve known from the start how it is.

This year one of his friends couldn’t make it so one of his other friends asked if he could bring his girlfriend Rose. They’ve been together about six months and I’ve met her a few times she seems nice so I said yes.

I messaged Rose privately and said I’m glad she’s coming along and it’ll be nice to have another woman there and I told her that unless we leave the villa I tend to spend the whole time topless as I love the warmth and the seclusion.

She said that’s fine and she sunbathes topless too. Great!

First couple of days she was topless when sunbathing or swimming too but would get dressed for food or playing board games or sitting around the outside fire. Then on the fourth or fifth day she stopped sunbathing topless which is fine.

Her choice obviously. She also became a bit cold towards me and then the second week she didn’t talk to me at all and it was obvious she was actively avoiding me.

I didn’t want to ruin her holiday so I left it but when we got back I messaged her and asked if I did something wrong. She said she got tired of me flaunting myself and showing off.

I said I wasn’t showing off I was sat around the whole time with no make up on and my hair pulled back in pony tail. She said I loved the men ogling me. I replied she was topless too and she said “I was but you could have warned me you’d literally be topless the whole time.

I couldn’t keep up”. This was feeling stupid now so I told her I’d already said when we are at the villa I’ll be topless as it doesn’t seem worth it keep taking a top on and off. The only time I put one on was if we were sitting inside on the furniture.

She just replied with “k” which wound me up lol. I’ve told my husband and he said next year I shouldn’t go topless if it upsets her. I said she won’t be coming next year or I’ll be going alone.

I’m not being disrespected at my own families holiday home. It’s been no problem for the last few years.

Here’s how people reacted:

XepherWolf

Can we not assume rose is jealous or insecure but unfortunately that someone else is constantly half naked?

OP is N T A per say but it’s wierd, it’s pretty normal to feel uncomfortable if another person is constantly naked around people.

Ofcourse this is gona differ from person to person and culture to culture. I wouldn’t shame someone but I wouldn’t want to see a naked person 24/7 .

Yes, she knew you were gona be topless sunbathing, but the whole time while cooking and eating?. For me that’s a bit much and you also have to respect other people when they aren’t comfortable with it, ofcourse Rose went down the wrong route and chose her words poorly and Attached you.

I just don’t get this “well it’s OPs home so she can do what she wants” so y’all will be okay going to someone’s house and they just be naked half the time? Ofcourse nothing is wrong with being naked but have some decency around people, it’s different of people voice they are okay with it but I don’t know people’s logic here.

I dont know what to vote for because like I said it’s Gona differ from person to person.

akillerofjoy

No, NTA. For the record, i believe that there’s a time and a place for everything, and while sunbathing topless is perfectly normal, prancing around like that at all times in front of your husband’s friends is disrespectful, attention-seeking and borderline promiscuous. However, if your husband thinks it’s ok, or if he just accepted his fate of having a gf who’ll whip her tits out when she pleases, then it’s really between you two, and she had no business making any comments. Judging you is one thing, and certainly her prerogative, but being rude to you, her host, is unacceptable. So, that’s my backhanded and judgmental NTA verdict. If anyone feels like downvoting, downvote these nuts.

(Points at a huge Costco bag of walnuts in front of him)

Alternative-Charge79

Honestly, I think a slight YTA.

Yes, it’s your home and you are allowed to do anything you want. BUT: you invited friends. And if you invite someone you should compromise for other persons.
But the girlfriend is an AH too. She has got a mouth. She could have talked to you. You could have talked to her. You noticed, that she distanced herself from you. One short conversation would have saved the trip. Like another commenter said, I think it was a miscommunication about how often you will be topless. I’m no prude or anything but having someone at the table half naked would make me uncomfortable too.

I think it’s your mindset that’s wrong. My house, I want this, I want that….yada yada yada. If you invite guests, find a middle ground.

legoclover

Yta. You don’t eat topless. It’s weird. Put a shirt on. Sunbathing and swimming are topless activities. Eating, playing games, it’s a lot, it’s too much. You know it’s too much. You “warned” her ahead of time that you were a topless person, but she probably thought you were going to do it in the appropriate settings. I know you said you were going to be topless all the time, but she probably thought you were being hyperbolic because no way is someone going to to do everything topless, right? Maybe she was insecure, or maybe she was just kind of yucked out, cringing at your constant look at me, nips!!, behavior.

captivephotons

It’s your property, you can do what you like, but you’re clearly an exhibitionist. It would be different if all the guests were like minded but you’re the only one getting your breasts out. I’m sure if this was a man posting this to say that he walked around all day with his penis and balls on show, the reaction would be somewhat different. As an aside, I used to live next door to an exhibitionist, he would do anything (legally) to ensure that people were looking at him.

Neat-Ad8056

This is a hard one, see walking around topless is considered taboo in a lot of cultures especially for women to do so, I can 1000% see it making people uncomfy especially if you’re the only girl there and surrounded by boys, i gotta admit your husband is strong for not getting jealous that all his friends get to stare at your nuh nahs

Best thing to do in this situation is shave roses head tie her to a pole and finish her off execution style

Erza88

Everyone sucks here.

Sure, you warned her and it’s your house and blah blah blah, but you also have a responsibility to make sure your guests feel comfortable. You know… as their host?

Also, being topless 90% of the time is weird as fuck.

Just like others on this thread are assuming the girl is jealous of your boobs, I’m gonna assume there is some truth to the whole “you like the men ogling your boobs” bit.

VanGaylord

NTA. It’s a house rule I can walk around with my dick out, and if you don’t like it you don’t need to be here. My neighbor’s understand, but a new neighbor moved in and stopped by to introduce herself, and she was taken aback. I told her it’s only natural. She made a scene and left.

My wife said I should start covering up. I don’t think so. This is my house too. So I get where you’re coming from. FTB

No_Nobody2274

NTA, but this is weird af. You messaged her to let her know you would be topless, so she was warned, but she couldn’t have known you would be like this the whole time. Most people put shirts on to eat, play games, or sit by the fire. Being topless is usually reserved for swimming and sunbathing. You should have talked to her when you realized she was avoiding you, not when you got home.

Robinnoodle

NTA

I do think what you do is usual though. Sunbathing topless is pretty common in Europe. Being topless a large majority of the time isn’t as much..I think there was some misunderstanding there as to how.mucb you would be topless

That being said, she should take her jealous (and I do emphasize that) hater ass elsewhere 👋

Artistic-Emotion-623

I think she thought as I did in from your title you sunbath topless. Maybe there was a bit of miscommunication where she thought sunbath topless =👍 vs be topless all the time which she was uncomfortable with.

Nakedness is an individual preference which you two are obviously comfortable with different part off

AgarwaenCran

NTA.

But it sounds like there was an misunderstanding somewhere “I will be topless basically all the time” “thats fine, I sunbath topless *too”*

To me that sounds like she read your “always” as “while sunbathing”, for some reason. or she got jelly. either way, both is not your fault.

Ricco7716

I went to live in Spain years ago and the conversation with locals about topless sunbathing came up and was their any etiquette to it. Their belief was sunbathing was fine, swimming was fine, but general activities or eating topless was classed as a no no

CrabZealousideal3686

Being frankly Im a man and would be very annoyed if I have a man or a woman doing all stuffs shirtless/topless. Your house her rules but for me topless 100% seems classless.
NAH here imo tho, just miscommunication.

LanaxMarigold

well, You gave Rose ample warning about your usual routine at the villa. It’s not your fault she seemingly changed her mind or felt uncomfortable :))

_O07

>I’m not being disrespected at my own families holiday home.

Opposed to what, being disrespected at someone else’s home?

Sorry just sounded funny

External-Pickle6126

First world problems. Oh Lord ? What to do. Maybe sun bottomless next time to establish total dominance. I mean , you are at your family’s villa.

shyfidelity

NTA. She’s just mad that she let her discomfort ruin the fun. Nothing better than lounging around with few clothes and no makeup on a vacation

Wonderful-Air-8877

you are weird for going topless while eating with outher for sure. i get it if in private or with partner but wtf lol. no spaniard does this

KDLAlumni

No top but you certainly wear the pants, is what I got out of that.

It’s your home (more or less), so you do you though. Agree there.

BrewDogDrinker

Nta at all.

Wtf?

This “friend” seems jealous.

Also, your husband is a 🔔🔚 for saying what he said. How did he respond?

Updateme!

_s1m0n_s3z

NTA. She was warned about what to expect. And you don’t get invited back when you call the hostess an attention-seeking slot.

Letzes86

I laughed at the entitlement of your husband thinking she would be invited again 😂

NTA. Your house, your body, your rules.

corpusapostata

Congrats, Rose thinks you look better topless than she does. Because that’s what this is all about. Rose’s insecurities.

wlfwrtr

NTA Wobder if her BF may have made a remark about enjoying you being topless which made her insecure about herself.

anonanon-do-do-do

Sounds like miss two poached eggs 🍳 on a tea tray wasn’t up to the compeTITion and got an inferiority complex.

trnpke

You sound like a little bit of an exhibitionist,there’s probably more you’re not telling

Designer-Carpenter88

I assuming you have nicer titties than she does? Just sounds like jealousy to me

Nice_Apricot_6341

Tbh, require photos to review this matter of which woman is the AH.

ActualAd8091

NTA. But melanoma is serious. Nipple melanoma is seriously ficked

Glass-Celebration631

Sitting around the table topless? Put a damn shirt on. 😂😂

dingdongsbtchs

I honestly just find this whole story hard to believe.

InBellow

You were eating meals, etc. topless? Sounds weird.

28293067

My husband said, photos or it didn’t happen 😀

BlackEyedRat

The trashy vibes here are very intense

headsbig

You must have an amazing rack on you.

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is standing firm in her right to behave naturally and comfortably in a familiar, private setting, which includes being topless while sunbathing at her parents’ villa. Her conflict arises from Rose’s sudden judgment and withdrawal, where Rose expected the OP to adjust her established behavior based on her personal discomfort, rather than accepting the prior communication about the holiday norms.

The core question for debate is whether an established host’s or long-time guest’s habitual comfort level in a private holiday setting should yield to the sudden, unspoken discomfort of a new guest, even when the habit was disclosed beforehand?