Against the backdrop of family pressure and cultural demands, their decision ignites conflict and heartbreak. What should have been a moment of joy becomes a battleground of emotions, as the couple faces the painful reality of rejection from those who should have been their strongest supporters. This is a story of love tested by tradition, and the courage it takes to honor oneself amidst the chaos.
I (M29) have been with my gf (F29) for about 6 years. We love each other very much and have a fulfilling relationship we are however a very introverted couple so when we discussed marriage, we were both on the idea that we didn’t want a traditional wedding or a wedding at all.
We wanted to go to a courthouse by ourselves (no friends or family) sing the paper and then go to our honeymoon. In our country this is very weird since wedding are expected to be massive, over the top and every member of the family must be invited disregarding your level of closeness with them.
We got engaged in relative secret since we were already living together and shared the information with our closest family, when they asked for our plans and we told them they didn’t take it very well and a lot of fight began with both families but specially with my mother and mother-in-law who would not tolerate a marriage that didn’t involve the catholic church.
After a few months of fighting and since there’s a pandemic going on we went ahead with our plans and got married by ourselves and went to a month long stay in a secluded cabin.
When we returned suddenly all bad blood with our parents and extended family was magically gone and both my mother and mother-in-law where again very friendly as if nothing ever happened.
After about 3 days since we came back my mother-in-law invited us to the wedding of one of her friends as proof that all was forgotten she said she would pick us up so that we wouldn’t get lost which was weird, but we didn’t suspect anything.
The day of the wedding we arrived at the location and se that everything is still being putting up so we figured we were a bit early and should help but then I saw my family and some of my in-laws, turns out it was OUR wedding and they had planned it to be a surprise they already had a dress, church, food, dj, everything.
Of course, we were shocked as we were very vocal that this is not something we wanted then they told us that since we were driven there, we wouldn’t be able to leave and should just be grateful.
Here the story becomes too long to fit the 3000 limit so too summarize we called a friend to pick us up and we left.
Of course, both families are super angry at us and constantly call us to tell us how ungrateful and disrespectful we are. At first, I thought we were right to leave as we made or reasons for not wanting a wedding and specially a religious ceremony but we’ve been told they invited over 200 people and felt very humiliated when everyone arrived and we weren’t there so now we are doubting and there’s nothing like asking strangers for judgment.
So reddit am I (we) the assholes?
Conclusion
The original poster and his partner desired a private marriage based on their introverted preferences, leading to significant conflict with their families who expected a large, traditional, Catholic ceremony. After secretly proceeding with their courthouse wedding, the couple was ambushed by their families who staged a surprise wedding for them, effectively holding them captive by controlling their transportation and demanding they participate.
Given that the couple clearly communicated their wishes for a private ceremony, was their decision to leave the surprise event—after being told they could not depart—the appropriate response to a severe boundary violation, or were they wrong to reject the expensive, well-intentioned effort made by their families?
Here’s how people reacted:
Edit: ITT everyone reiterating the same points made above. Yes I read them, but I don’t agree. And I still don’t agree.
They *abducted you and your wife, to force you to participate in a wedding ceremony they planned against your will, and now they are angry because you found a way to leave*.
Literally. Abducted. You.
You aren’t the asshole here. Your families ARE. You’re already married. It’s done. Their obsessive behaviour is terrifying, and I hope the two of you can find a way to move past this.
Congratulations to you and your wife, I’m glad you had the wedding you wanted! And I’m so sorry for what your families are doing to you.
My husband and I eloped at the courthouse nineteen years ago because of issues with family wanting a major, and inappropriate, say in our wedding. I have never regretted not giving in to the guilt trips, screaming, and other forces brought against me. It’s you let them win now, your boundaries will never be respected. No is a complete sentence.
They made these arrangements just for themselves and their beliefs. They should have asked. And if they say “well you would have said no”, thats kind of the point.
You did the right thing by standing by your values.
Your family earned any humiliation they felt turning away guests when they expressly went against your wishes about your wedding and tried trap you into one.
Mothers: You cant ESCAPE!!! bwahahhahah
You on phone: Hey buddy, can you come pick us up?
Mothers: Shocked pikachu face!!
NTA
If any part of this is true they’re crazy AF and you should cut contact.