In the quiet aftermath of pain, she found strength in letting go—of anger, of hope, of the man she once knew. Faced with the reality of his affair with Cherry, a woman who had woven herself into their lives through meals and gifts, she drew a firm line, reclaiming her dignity not through vengeance, but through the fierce clarity of acceptance.
My husband has been cheating on me for years with different women due to this I’ve completely shut off from him. We don’t have a sexual relationship but we do an amazing job at being parents.
Our kids love us and that’s all that matter in the grand scheme of things. I am not dating anyone,this isn’t an open relationship. Every time he cheats he acts more remorseful but Ive come to terms that I can’t save him.
He’s seeing this woman Cherry and she’s a cook and baker. We were in a little tussle once but that’s is in the past. I’ve moved on. I don’t like her but I don’t hate her. Few weeks back I caught him eating in his car and realized it was from her, the packaging gave him away.
She has been sending him goodie bags and now full meals. I told him going forward I’m no longer cooking for him and he needs to let her do everything including meals for the kids. I really put my foot down and did some petty things that I’m not proud of but it worked.
I told him if she loves him she will do it but I’m done. Well I don’t know what he did to convince her but at least 3 times a week they get meals from Cherry. He brings the container and plates the food, the kids are happy because they think they are getting take out.
I don’t partake. On the other days I cook for just the kids and I.
My husband on the other hand got mad and said I manipulated him into taking advantage of Cherry and kept asking me what do I get out of these mind games. I told my bestfriend about the whole ordeal and she’s upset with me saying that what if Cherry spikes the kids meal.
I don’t think she would do it.
AITAH for letting this happen?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is navigating a complex situation where long-term marital infidelity has led to an emotional and physical separation, though they maintain a united front for their children. The central conflict arises from the OP’s decision to halt her domestic contributions, specifically cooking, and actively encourage her husband’s new affair partner to provide meals for the family, framing it as a test of the affair partner’s devotion.
The core question is whether the OP was justified in using this unconventional, emotionally charged tactic to enforce new boundaries and shift domestic labor onto the affair partner, or if her actions were an unfair manipulation of all parties involved, including the children, by deliberately involving a third party in the family’s daily routine. Was this strategic boundary setting or an act of emotional manipulation?
Here’s how people reacted:
NO IT’S FUCKING NOT.
Jesus fucking christ. “we love them and that’s all that matters.” NO it really fucking ain’t.
Do you have daughter, you are showing her that living a loveless life in a loveless marriage and letting her husband cheat on her constantly is what is normal, it’s what she might aspire to, that living for her children while being abused, taken advantage of and shown a complete lack of respect is normal. You are setting your daughter up to be treated like shit by men because you are normalising this for her.
Do you have a son? You are teaching him that a man can fuck a woman, marry her, lie to her, take advantage of her and cheat on her without shame because women will just accept it and as the man you can do what you want.
No, both of you loving the kids is absolutely not all that matters, in the slightest. Parents TEACH BY EXAMPLE, and your example is fucking awful for your children. You are teaching them to be treated, or treat their partners like trash and just accept it.
If you are separate, live apart, work and support yourself… your kids would still have two parents who loved them, but they’d have the example of a man who cheats on his wife losing her, and a wife who is cheated on standing up for herself and finding her own happiness.
Have some fucking self respect, have some fucking pride and have some idea that you are showing your children an example of a completely dysfuctional relationship that will cause both of them damage in the future.
But because you have kids, YAA although not the biggest one (that s your husband).
Kids may listen to us parents, but they watch what we do way more. They mimick us more than they listen to us. I wouldnt let another person have responsibility for feeding my kids.
You may totally set a boundary that your husband isnt allowed in the hiuse with anither persons food and has to eat alone in his car.
I would also really question your assumption that you are great parents together. Parents have to set a great example for their kids. Your are clearly unhappy in your marriage. You should know with certainty that your children know of your unhappiness and that their father is a cheater and that someone else is in charge of feeding them. If that s not an example that you are ok with them seeking to replicate, and do nothing about it, that is not good parenting.
To be clear I feel for you. It s horrible. Cheating and second familying is gross. Your husband is a pig and wtf. If you decide on what is the Right thing to do for you and your kids, your will be a better stronger role model for them and as they grow up they will love you all the more for it.
Woman, you are most definitely NTA. Not now, not then and most definitely not while Señor Stink Dink had to have his side peice pick up the slack.
I don’t know your husband but I loath him. And I can only pray that he ends up with ingrown toenails and hang nails every 37 days for the next 43 years. AND I hope they’re brittle, yellow and smell. ☺️ And I pray all Cherry’s panties stay crusty and she pees herself anytime she hears Christmas carols. In May. After the Easter Bunny shits in her starter dough. 🙏🏻
When it comes to kids, since they’re between you and your husband, I think you have a say on how the kids are fed. If you don’t want them eating Cherry’s food, then draw that boundary. But, tbh it seems like you have more to gain by having your family (and even your self) eat the food. It’s not an admission of anything, rather taking advantage of a situation. In the greater context of things, who gives a shit where the food comes from?
More importantly, I think you need to come to terms with how you want the relationship to look like with your husband.
It’s true that overall a 2 parent household is almost always better for kids, but not when it’s this dysfunctional and messed up.
If you have boys, they’re going to think this is how you treat women and that women just need to suck it up. If you have daughters, they’re either going to think those is how women deserve to be treated or hate men.
Personally, I don’t think this is coming from him out of concern for Cherry. I think Cherry is starting to get fed up, told him so, and instead of being accountable your husband is blaming you.
NTA
Your kids are going to grow up thinking cheating on your partner is ok. Then getting the person theyre cheating with to make him and the kids food? And if theyre boys, theyre going to grow up not respecting woman, and treating them like door mats, like your husbands doing.
Get out and get some respect for yourself.
Also, if you’re not divorcing someone you know is never faithful, it’s a toxic mind game of an open marriage.
I’m hoping this is a shitpost cause the food isn’t thr problem
You are going to have to put an end to it soon, though.
YTA in the most ingenious way possible.
Your husband sucks for cheating. His mistress sucks for knowingly screwing a cheating POS. You suck too for being a doormat, you have enabled a cheating POS and taught your kids the wrong life lessons.
But that aside.. I get not cooking for him. But why are you involving the kids?
ESH
Nice work
Might get mad at you