Meanwhile, the sister, newly eligible for her provisional license but without the same sense of responsibility or financial independence, stood at a crossroads shaped by different choices and parental expectations. The siblings’ contrasting paths highlighted not just a desire for freedom, but the complex emotions of love, frustration, and the longing for equal support that often go unvoiced in family life.
In my family there are 2 kids (sister and I) and my parents. Christmas was coming up and I’ve been wanting a car for about a year now because I’ve recently gotten my Green P’s (Australian thing that you can get when you’re older than 18).
My parents have mentioned in the past the idea of me paying for half and they’ll cover the other half of a car under total 10k AUD. I can afford this as I’ve saved most of my money from the 2 jobs I’ve kept since I was 14, so no biggie.
I’ve also been relying on my mum to drive me to work for the last 4 years, so it was a smart move on their end rather then driving me the 30 mins each way every shift I’ve got.
My sister has just turned 17, which is when you can get your red P’s in Australia, shes never had a job and has no money saved whatsoever. I love her a lot but she’s made some questionable decisions toward her future lately, but that’s a seperate story.
My parents haven’t seemed to care as much as they probably should have about these things, and are acting like everything’s normal and all good.
With Christmas coming up at the time and my birthday in early January I thought this might be the time my parents get me that car I’ve wanted for the last year, as they’ve mentioned this idea for the last couple months.
I’m obviously excited the week leading up to Christmas wondering what type of car they’ve bought or what they’re looking at.
I wake up Christmas Day around 10am to the sound of my younger sister crying but in a happy way. I’m excited for her as she’s obviously gotten something she’s wanted. I walk downstairs and no ones at the Christmas tree, but a present with my name is sitting there.
I figure I’ll come back to it after I find my parents. Check the front door and it’s wide open, walk out to the drive way to see a brand new blue Hyundai i30 sitting in the driveway with a big ribbon on the front (around 25k).
My sister is at the side of it crying with my parents arms around her. I ask who it’s for and my parents tell me her. I probably could have handled this better but I stormed back into the house, closed my door and stayed in there for the rest of the day, didn’t go with my family to see everyone else for Christmas because of how annoyed I was.
My parents asked me why I did that when they got home, so I asked them why they bought her a car before me, who’s older, willing to pay half, had a job, goes to school and has a stable plan for the future.
They don’t have an answer to that one so they just stay quite and after a couple of minutes of awkward silence they walk out. By this point I forgotten about the present they left under the tree downstairs, so I walk down to open it, and it’s a new phone case from eBay, something I had no use for.
I can’t get over what they’ve done. Am I the asshole?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels deeply wronged and betrayed because their parents gifted a new car to their younger sister, despite the OP having a prior agreement to co-pay for their own car, a steady job, and clear plans for its use. The central conflict lies between the OP’s expectation of fairness and adherence to an established agreement, versus the parents’ apparent decision to prioritize the younger, less prepared sibling with a much more expensive gift.
Given the OP’s established contribution commitment and the apparent lack of consideration for their long-term planning, the core question is whether the parents’ decision represents fair parental treatment toward two children, or if it was a significant breach of an implicit promise that justifies the OP’s strong negative reaction. Should the OP accept the situation as a parental prerogative, or is this inequity severe enough to damage the family relationship?
Here’s how people reacted:
The thing is, your parents probably think that you are okay on your own, that you will succeed without help and that they don’t have to hold you by the hand for you to do well.
They didn’t even think about you and how would this would make you feel.
The only thing you can do in this situation, and for your mental health too, is to don’t need your family at all, become fully independent and leave. The relationship with them will improve over time too.
– clear favouritism (awful parenting)
– if you were planning on paying a half, it’s also a horrible financial decision for them
– you said your sister made questionable decisions for her future, and they support *that* rather your stable future (as you said) and that’s another horrible parenting mistake.
– what kind of message does this send to your sister? “Oh, OP will have to work their butt off their entire life, but mommy and daddy will make sure I’m happy”
Edit: minor grammar and spelling mistakes
Fast forward 15 years, and they still favor my younger sibling. I barely have any contact with them, and they’re genuinely mystified as to why.
This is all to say: tell them how disappointed you are. Tell them that they’ve caused serious damage to your relationship by favoritism, and this is just the last straw. But don’t expect anything to result from that conversation. They probably still won’t get it. Make your own plans, and know that in the long run, you’ll probably be more successful in life since your parents aren’t coddling you the way they do your sibling.
I feel this. My sister is 28 with a 2 year old living at my parents house rent free. I am 26 living with my partner, no kids. My parents gave her a new car, better than mine, while I had to pay completely for mine. They pay her part of their rent and asked me to pick up my car insurance because it was too expensive (60$ a month). My parents like my sister more and it’s honestly tiring. Or when she was 16 and wrecked her car and my dad got her a new one. Then my mom crashed my car and I had to buy a new one. Or when she graduated she got a 3k dollar flute and I got a used laptop that broke in a year because it was so old. All I asked for was a camera so I could start practicing my passion.
It FUCKING sucks.
I have had similar things happen between me and my younger sibling, though not to THAT extreme, case and point, I once got a game (I wanted said game but it was very inexpensive that I could have gotten it myself next payday) for my birthday, in walks my sibling holding a **fucking huge flatscreen TV**.(flatscreen tvs were kind of expensive at the time)
Don’t get me wrong loved the game and it was something I wanted, but it was my birthday and he got a TV while I got a cheap secondhand game, so I feel your anger.
You could’ve handled it better, but I can’t say I would’ve handled it any better in your shoes.
There is some blatant favouritism there, and it’s unfair how they treated you there. You’ve been making the effort to save and work your ass off, came to an agreement and they decided to just buy your sister a car for more than double your agreement. That’s really unfair of them, you should probably have a conversation with them at some point though. Ask them why they would do that for her and not for you.
The issue is that your parents showed considerable favoritism toward your sister, you don’t know why, and they won’t tell you why. That’s naturally very upsetting.
Your reaction is totally understandable. So understandable that the fact that they asked you why you were upset seems a bit strange.
NTA.
You said you’ve been saving since you were 14 from two jobs. Get yourself a second hand car so you dont need anything from them in future and move out as soon as possible.
I understand your frustration and I’m sorry that happened.