Surrounded by mutual friends and bound by social circles, he faces the challenge of navigating a delicate balance between standing his ground and maintaining harmony. Each meeting becomes a silent battle, where he must confront not just others, but the weight of his own unease and the fear of judgment.
I feel like I need to say this for this post not to be removed, this is not about the date, about relationships or something I want a judgement on me walking out of there.
Cast: Me (25M), Joe(26M), Jane(24F)
To give you a little background to this situation, I met Jane through Joe’s girlfriend at her birthday party last year. At first Jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later Jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time I was already with someone.
So the first impression I got from Jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn’t stop bothering me.
Unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of Joe’s girlfriends friend group(That is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and Joe hang out a lot and I am also friends with his girlfriend, I pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month.
So first time Jane asked me out was a month after that party, I informed her I was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when I broke up with my then girlfriend, again I declined her advances and told her I was not interested.
I got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and I broke up about 2 months ago. Since then as you might have anticipated, Jane has asked me out again, I said no again.
Well that brings us to this week, everything has been opening up here and Joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who(He is well aware of me having rejected Jane multiple times and the fact I am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.) After a lot of what he calls convincing and I call whining(I had no interest in dating anytime soon) I relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his.
We agree on meeting at Joe’s apartment and lo and behold Joe, His girlfriend and Jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be Jane, I honestly just got so goddamn angry I that I couldn’t even get a single word out, turned around and left.
I have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche I am and how terribly I hurt Jane and so on and I am just like, I literally rejected her like three times, I am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive Jane FFS so literally everyone knows it.
So am I the asshole?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experienced extreme frustration and anger after being intentionally set up with Jane, a person they had repeatedly and clearly rejected for romantic involvement. The OP felt disrespected by Joe’s deliberate deception, leading to an abrupt exit from the planned social gathering.
Considering the repeated, unambiguous rejections versus the deliberate orchestration of a forced intimate setting, was the OP’s immediate departure a justifiable defense of their established boundaries, or was it an inappropriate social reaction that unfairly hurt Jane and damaged their standing within the friend group?
Here’s how people reacted:
You definitely made the right call by leaving. Jane is trying to force you into a relationship with her, and if you give her even the slightest implication that there may be a chance she will continue pestering you with unwanted attention.
She needed this very clear message that you are not interested in even entertaining the idea of dating her. Her feelings towards you do not entitle her to a shot with you if you aren’t interested, and you already told her several times that you weren’t.
This is honestly really disgusting behavior on Joe and his GF’s part, and they should be apologizing to you.
You’ve made your feelings more than clear to Jane and your friend as well. You had every right to leave, as you had already rejected her 3 times and *still* she set herself up for rejection number 4. You’re not responsible for her hurt feelings at this point.
Your friend should have known better than to blindside you with a “date” with someone he knows full well you have zero interest in. Though if I might venture a guess, I’d say that the double date was 100% Jane’s and your friends’ girlfriends’ idea, and your friend most likely just got pressured into convincing you to come.
And while yes, you could’ve stayed for dinner, it could’ve also given the impression that you were okay with it being a “double date”. And if you’d said “I’m staying here but as everyone’s friend”, then you would’ve been called an A for being so blunt about it. So, NTA, and maybe your friend is just being berated by his gf because she in turn is being berated by Jane?
The fact that your friends know how you feel about her, yet still did that? Its a massive red flag.
It shows a lack of respect for Jane and an even bigger lack of respect for you.
How dare your friends put you in that situation? Thats disgusting and childish behavior
But your friend obviously is. Setting someone up with someone who rejected that person is cruel. Not the fact that you turned around. I would honestly done the same…..
You rejected Jane, everyone was aware, the double date idea is not only stupid but also… very, very much ultra stupid.