AITA for asking my friend to stop the way she shows off her “before” shots when she’s refashioning my clothes?

She was proud of her curves and loved fashion, embracing her plus-sized figure with confidence and style. When her friend Katie, a creative soul passionate about refashioning thrifted clothes, asked to sift through her wardrobe for unique finds, she gladly agreed, hoping their collaboration would celebrate body positivity and creativity alike.

But excitement turned to hurt as she scrolled through Katie’s Instagram, where the refashioned pieces were showcased alongside exaggerated, mocking expressions and poses that twisted her joy into something cruel. What was meant to be a shared passion became a painful reminder of how easily admiration can slip into ridicule.

AITA for asking my friend to stop the way she shows off her “before” shots when she’s refashioning my clothes?

I am a plus sized gal who is really into fashion. I usually donate my clothes unless I can resell them. My friend Katie is really into “refashioning” clothes from thrift stores. She buys plus sized clothes and then alters them into her size with a lot of other changes, like making them into crop tops or mini skirts or things.

It’s a really popular creative thing to do.

Well she asked me if she could have first pick of my clothes because I’m actually larger than what she usually finds, and it’ll give her more material to work with. I said sure and would let her pick through my stuff I didn’t want, but asked her to tag me in her posts and point people to my shop where I sell the “nicer” things.

She started showing off her refashion stuff on Instagram and I was excited… until I saw the way she did it.

In Katie’s before shots she makes these really exaggerated grossed out faces where she’s draped in the oversized clothes. Or she’ll do that face where she blows out her cheeks and holds the clothes out as wide as she can and does a cross-eyed expression.

It’s really obvious to the viewer that she’s trying to “mimic” a really overweight person… like me.

When I saw that, my stomach dropped and I just couldn’t shake the bad feeling it gave me. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and asked her why she was making those expressions in the before shots, and she said she just thought it was funny.

I told her that to be honest, it felt hurtful, as I’m the one who gave her the clothes and it looks like she’s just straight up making fun of me and my body, especially since she tags me.

She told me that I’m being hypersensitive. I asked her to please just not make those faces. She told me something like “After you give me the clothes they aren’t yours anymore, so you aren’t really in the position to tell me what to do.”

I thought about that for a while and in the end I did agree, if I give her the clothes they’re hers to do whatever she wants with. So my solution is that I’m just not going to give her anymore of my clothes.

I told her that and she blew up on me, telling me that I’m just looking for a reason to be offended and if I’m this insecure, I should be working on bettering myself.

Here’s how people reacted:

faenyxrising

NTA, and this is actually a very obnoxious trend. Plus sized people already have enough trouble with finding clothes, especially nice/cute ones. She can alter clothes that are bigger than her without altering plus sized clothes. It’s a common problem these days that plus sized clothes are bought up by skinny people that are WAY smaller than what they’re buying, contributing to the scarcity of those sizes.

But moreover, in this specific situation, she’s absolutely TA. This isn’t about you telling her what to do with the clothes, this is about you telling her that the way she shows off the original size of the clothes (YOUR size) is offensive. Cause it is. She’s making these exaggerated expressions to demonstrate that they’re plus sized, which is completely unnecessary. And on top of that, it gives the impression that the clothes themselves are less appealing because they’re plus sized and need her fashionable skinny touch to be cute?

She said that once you give them to her, you have no say. So you stop giving her clothes, and she’s shocked and upset? What did she expect, for you to just be quiet but keep feeding this?

throwaway37865

NTA. I’m sorry that happened to you and made you feel bad. Sometimes “friends” put people down because they themselves are insecure and want to feel like they are better at something than the friend is. Katie probably hyper focuses on her own appearance since she likes to model the clothes she sells and it makes it even more insensitive for her to not be able to put herself in your shoes. You don’t need to give her anymore clothes and I would try to build friendships with other people right now. Katie seems like she might be used to getting her way but arguing or getting mad at someone to try to make them feel guilty. You’re not doing anything wrong at all. If you do want to get rid of clothes I highly encourage that you sell them, it will give you the extra money and people with a similar size to you could get a real representation of what that item looks like. You were doing her a favor and you aren’t obligated to continue the favor after her rude response to how you felt.

lyaunaa

Oh, wow, no, NTA. You politely told her something she was doing was painful to you and she told you your feelings were less important to her than her attachment to making some dumb faces in pictures. That’s a weird hill to die on, and certainly a crummy friend. Also worth noting that if her work / photos ever really take off, other plus-sized folks are likely to find this aspect of her work offensive and hurtful as well, because it IS offensive and hurtful. And then instead of dealing with one friend politely asking her to correct her behavior, she’ll be at the center of one of those never-ending internet firestorms—particularly if she digs into her stance like she did with you.

I’m sorry someone you consider a friend is being so deliberately unkind. You deserve better.

eugenesnewdream

NTA. She’s right: once you give them to her they’re technically hers to do with what she likes (even if what she’s doing is mean and hurtful, which I agree, it is). So your solution is spot-on: stop giving her clothes. (I realize you’re asking about whether you’re TA for asking her to stop, not for no longer giving her the clothes, but I still say you’re not. There was nothing wrong with asking.) The whole “work on bettering yourself” bit would move her into the “ex-friend” category for me.

Katt_ler

NTA. She’s making fun of plus-sized people, and that’s just obnoxious and gross. She may not be willing to admit what she’s doing, but intent<impact. There are probably some followers she's missing out on specifically because she's doing that, which means she's ignoring feedback and the expense of her own success.

Ultimately you can’t stop Kate from doing what she wants to do, but that doesn’t mean you have to enable it, either. Let her go bum free clothes off of someone else.

Chance_Historian_333

NTA and I hate all of this. Imagine making fun of people who wear bigger sizes clothing and your excuse is well I own the clothes so…? Your friend’s behaviour is horrible. She is very clearly making fun of everyone who wears bigger clothes and the fact that she tried to justify herself rather than listening to you saying you feel hurt is really unempathetic. Please do stop giving her clothes and also cut her off. She sounds like a toxic and terrible ‘friend’.

needsomevalidation

NTA, it’s already difficult enough for plus-size people to find affordable and cute clothing that fits them, and she doesn’t have to dehumanize those people by acting like it’s so disgusting to actually be that size. It actually doesn’t really matter where she got the particular item from, she’s still sending a message that it’s gross and weird for larger people to… need larger clothes? For them to exist? And that is an AH move.

daylight_comes

NAH – It sounds like you just might be being hypersensitive. I haven’t seen the pics but what does crossing her eyes have to do with being BBW? And she is right, if you are insecure you are the only person who can change anything about you. However, your clothes are yours and she isn’t entitled to them. You got defensive and then she got defensive.

hraedon

NTA. You’re under no obligation to give her your things, and her unwillingness to accommodate a reasonable request (“don’t grossly caricature plus sized people as a ‘fun’ way to advertise your refashioning”) is a good reason to end this arrangement.

Her reaction to your decision is a good reason to reevaluate the friendship, frankly.

elhyland

Well before you give them to her, they’re your clothes. She’s really not in any position to tell you what to do with them.

NTA, it was a reasonable request, she sounds like an entitled prick. She expects free handouts but can’t honor a simple request to stop mocking you?

Sweet_Baby_Grogu

NTA. A good friend, when told they’re doing something that hurts the other friend, apologizes and stops. They don’t blame the friend for being hurt by something that is honestly, pretty rude. She’s not making a ‘funny face,’ she’s being rude and insulting.

Striking_Description

NTA. Katie made the very excellent point that once those clothes were hers she could do what she likes with them. You took that logic to the next step and decided the clothes wouldn’t BE hers. Perfectly reasonable. And I’m sorry your friend is a jerk.

justtovoteonaita

NTA – if she can’t do you the favor of skipping unflattering before photos, why does she deserve the favor of first dips on your old clothes? They are your clothes to throw in the trash if you want, by her logic.

Aleira7

NTA

She can frame it however she wants, but she’s getting likes/views at your expense. It is an awful lot of gall expect someone to give you something, and then make fun of them using what they have you.

Allaboutbird

NTA. She took your clothes for free, was insensitive and essentially made fun of you and when you expressed concern said that you can’t tell her what to do. What a jerk.

icebluefrost

NTA — Katie might be creative, but she definitely doesn’t sound like a very nice person, or like she cares about or respects you. I’d rethink this friendship.

Stoat__King

NTA. Although assuming she is making fun of you seems somewhat of a leap.

If you dont like it, maybe consider not giving her the clothes?

AverageHoarder

NTA- it costs zero dollars to not be insensitive to a friend struggling with their weight or self image.

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) initially agreed to give her friend Katie access to her unwanted clothing for creative projects, but this arrangement soured when Katie used highly exaggerated, mocking facial expressions in ‘before’ photos that seemed to target the OP’s plus-sized body. Although the OP initially tried to set a boundary regarding the presentation of the gifted items, Katie dismissed these concerns, asserting complete ownership and control over the items and the OP’s feelings.

The core conflict lies between the OP’s expectation of respect and sensitivity regarding her body image versus Katie’s claim of absolute creative freedom over donated property. Was the OP justified in asking for basic respect concerning how the gifted items were presented, or did giving the clothes away truly forfeit all rights to comment on their subsequent use and display?