The situation escalated significantly after the user became pregnant. The husband’s children reacted with anger, using aggressive language toward the user, including telling her to get an abortion. The children showed the user text messages from their mother which contained threats against the user and her unborn child. Following an attempt by the 11-year-old to act on these threats, the user reported the situation to Child Protective Services (CPS) and moved in with her parents, leaving her husband in doubt about her decision.
I (30f) have been married for the last two years and together with my husband (33m) for a little over 4.5 years. He’s divorced with two children (11 and 13) with his ex. I was not the other woman.
They were not married when I met him and had been divorced for at least 3 years by that point. But the ex was very difficult once I moved in with my husband. It was something that could be managed by reducing contact back then but she made it clear she didn’t want her kids to have a stepmom and she did voice to the kids that she did not want them to like or respect me.
It didn’t work right away and we got along well at the start but a few weeks after the wedding there was a very clear change in the relationship. It wasn’t unmanageable and we went to therapy together to try and make things work well like they had previously.
Things changed for the worst when I became pregnant. We told the kids and they became angry. They told their mom and she became angry. And then the kids were aggressive in speaking to me.
There was a lot of fuck you and fuck off and get the fuck out of here from them. I was called names. I was told to get an abortion by the 13 year old. My husband was speaking to his kids and punishing them when needed.
But it got worse. And then the kids showed me texts between them and their mom where there were threats to me and my unborn child. Which turned into them threatening to make sure I didn’t give birth.
They were serious enough that I had to call my husband home from work early because the kids were acting like they might just follow through. He disciplined them and he told me that I shouldn’t worry because they won’t really do it.
I told him I wasn’t sure about that and he told me he wouldn’t let anything happen. But it almost did. The 11 year old attempted to make the threats a reality.
I told my husband I was not putting myself or our baby at risk. He told me it wouldn’t happen again and he’d be dealing with it all around but he had no answer as to what he could do.
Not even to say the kids would never be left with just me and then more threats came as we were fighting about it. I told him I was not taking chances with my baby.
I made a report to CPS and then I moved out of the house I share with my husband and in with my parents.
This is all very recent but the CPS investigation is taking this seriously from what I can tell. My husband has reached out to me and he expressed how hurt and angry he was that I took it this far.
His parents have also done the same. They told me I took it too far and I could have worked with my husband to make this safer for me. I feel like I gave it a chance but he was far too blasé about it especially after the attempt.
But maybe I’m overreacting and I’m here to be told if that’s true or not. I only want to keep my baby safe.
Conclusion
The user is currently feeling conflicted, questioning if her decision to involve CPS and leave the marital home was an overreaction, despite having experienced direct threats and an attempted act of harm toward her and her unborn baby. Her primary concern remains the safety of her child, which contrasts sharply with her husband’s and his family’s reaction that she ‘took it too far.’
The central debate revolves around whether the threat level warranted immediate protective action (reporting to CPS and separation) or if the situation should have been managed internally solely through the husband’s discipline, especially given the husband’s initial blasé reaction. Is the user justified in prioritizing her safety and the baby’s safety above preserving the immediate family structure under these extreme circumstances?
Here’s how people reacted:
Leaving the situation until it was handled was good though.
NTA.
Updateme
He did NOTHING to keep you safe.
You had to do what you did for your own safety.
You are not the problem here, your husband is. The audacity to tell you that HE is hurt when your life was literally in danger..
The next person he would be speaking to would be my divorce lawyer
They threatened your safety and your baby’s safety. Honestly, he should have been the one connecting CPS about the vitriol his ex wife is teaching those children. It’s a shame he didn’t get the wake up call he needed and is instead blaming the person who was being harmed.
Can you give more info on what kind of attempt? Like physical violence?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
UpdateMe
Excuse me? Safer? *Safer?* Safer than what, exactly? Frolicking with an angry herd of bison in a hurricane?
Your safety shouldn’t even be a talking point.
You have little choice but to file for divorce and get a court order that doesn’t allow any unsupervised child custody.
NTA
Well there’s a shock!
They’re mother is turning them into monsters