Now, on the brink of bringing new life into the world, her pain turns to fury as her husband prioritizes work over the birth of their child. His request to delay the induction for his convenience shatters the fragile hope for unity, leaving her to face the most vulnerable moment of her life with a heart heavy from betrayal.
Backstory- I (F33) have had a rough pregnancy, to say the least. At 18w pregnant my daughter was diagnosed with CPAM (a large mass growing in her chest). I’ve had to see multiple specialists for this, going to the Dr 2-3x/week, every week, for the last 20 weeks.
My husband (M35) has not accompanied me to most of these dr visits due to work (we both work full time but I make more money) which I can understand but still slightly resent.
I’m 38w pregnant now and after weeks of being on bed-rest my Dr told me we’re going to have to induce labor 4 days sooner than we expected. When I told my husband he asked me to reschedule to a later date because this didn’t work for his work schedule.
I was livid. So I told him I’m going to deliver my baby when my dr says I need to. If he’s too busy with work, he doesn’t have to be there.
We haven’t spoken since. Am I the asshole?
Conclusion
The original poster is facing a severe conflict between her urgent medical needs related to a high-risk pregnancy and her husband’s inflexible work schedule demands. Her decision to prioritize the medically mandated induction date over her husband’s convenience reflects her need to protect her health and the well-being of their child, leading to a significant communication breakdown.
Given the immediate medical necessity of the induction timeline versus the husband’s stated work conflicts, is the wife justified in proceeding with the doctor’s recommended schedule regardless of her husband’s presence, or does his involvement in this major life event create an obligation for her to seek further compromise?
Here’s how people reacted:
My husband was with me every step of the way. He left a 24 hr shift to come home immediately when our OB said baby had to come now. He sacrificed his comfort to sleep in shitty chairs at my bedside or at kiddo’s in the NICU and CVICU. When she had her second open heart surgery, he would work 24 hrs, leave the fire station and drive straight to the hospital to sit with us, to hold and feed her, to make sure I could shower and get a meal. He was a partner and a father from her first breath. I didn’t think it was possible to love him even more than I already did, but he blew me away.
Not all men are like this. A lot will bail. Some will get petulant or aggressive like little piss babies. Some will still expect you to do the bulk of childcare, earn the money, keep house and still somehow want to have sex with them. The sheer audacity!
Good luck to you, mama. Build up a support system you can actually trust and focus on you and baby. He’s not likely to step up to the plate anytime soon.
And if you ever want to talk to someone who has been there done that with multiple open heart procedures on a baby—DM me anytime.
>he asked me to reschedule to a later date because this didn’t work for his work schedule.
**He is an AH who DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT about your life or the life of the baby.** You can’t post-pone this a day. You are not going out of dinner!
This is NOT someone who does not understand. He does not care.
He could use PTO. He could have made SOME appointments with you, because I’m assuming they were very stressful to go on your own.
I think you need to start planning for him not to help with your post-partum, or your baby. I’m assuming the baby might need surgery? Get family to come or get a nanny to help so you can nap. Move your husband to another room or kick him out.
He is giving you the silent treatment when he should he groveling. WTF.
Why are you still with this guy?
It’s evident that you’re alone in the relationship, and your frustrations and feelings of betrayal will likely intensify once the child is born.
If I were in your position, I would have expressed my dissatisfaction more strongly, perhaps saying something like, **_”If you don’t come, don’t even bother returning home because we’re getting a divorce!”_**
You’re being too nice, please know that it’s acceptable to be strong and assertive when dealing with someone who is not fulfilling their responsibilities. Both you and your child deserve to be taken care of and protected, and he isn’t even doing the bare minimum.
So you resent the fact that you make more and he keeps working or you resent the fact that he wont skip his less paying job to be at doctors appointments with you? His work is important, just like him being at the birth of BOTH of yours child. Yes, that’s right. It’s his child too. What is he suppose to do at the appointments? Do you include him in the process or is he there to hold your purse while the “adults” talk. So I don’t get where you get off being all huffy about who gets to do anything.
Just say “I don’t like my husband and find fault with everything he says or does” and then go file for divorce. No point in everyone being miserable longer than necessary. It clearly isn’t this one thing, this is just the thing that made you realize you wanted to be done.
Maybe he is just burying his head in the sand, but that is no use to you. You are supposed to be partners in life. You seem to be doing everything alone.
His actions are unforgivable.
NTA. But your husband is a massive AH. No woman can ever control their baby’s delivery. I hope you have a strong support system so you wouldn’t miss your AH husband’s presence.
>he asked me to reschedule to a later date because this didn’t work for his work schedule.
Is he usually an awful husband? Or just setting the precedent to be an absent/awful father?
Where are his priorities? Does he ever put you ahead of work?
Right now, concentrate on your baby and yourself. After everyone is home and hopefully doing better, tell your husband that y’all can see a couples counselor or divorce attorneys.
I’d play two card monte with him.
Therapy/counseling for you both together..
Or a lawyer.
Doesn’t he realize you could have super serious health consequences?
**He can get another job**.
HE can’t get another YOU.