Caught in the crossfire is a teenage boy, torn between two homes and two parents who can’t find common ground. His mother’s decision to take matters into her own hands sparks anger and accusations, revealing the raw emotional undercurrents that run beneath the surface of their fractured family dynamic.
I have 50/50 custody of my son (m16), he stays at both houses for a week at a time.
Over a year ago, I started conversations with my ex- husband to figure out how we were going to purchase a car for our son to use. Both households are making good money but there are 9 total kids after us both getting remarried.
My ex was not responsive. Basically ignored me bc he said “if I buy our son a car then I have to buy the step kids cars too”.
So after months of waiting I decided just to buy my son a car. I own it outright. I gave his dad the opportunity to buy in by paying me half the vehicles value interest free over 60 months.
That totaled $109 a month for 5 years.
I required him to sign a contract that detailed the payments and that the kid would own the car once it was paid off. My ex balked at that and said he wasn’t paying anything.
So, the car is staying at my house during the 15 days a month my son is at his dad’s.
My son is mad at me because I’m “being petty”.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faced a deadlock with their ex-husband regarding the shared responsibility of purchasing a car for their teenage son. Unable to secure cooperation, the OP unilaterally purchased the car and then offered the ex-husband a structured, interest-free payment plan to share ownership. When the ex-husband refused to contribute financially and balked at a contract ensuring the son eventually owned the vehicle, the OP kept the car at their residence during the ex-husband’s custody time, leading to conflict with the son.
Was the OP justified in withholding the car from the ex-husband’s time to force financial participation in a shared asset intended for their son, or did this action unfairly punish the child and escalate parental conflict? The core question remains: does unilateral action to enforce perceived financial fairness override the practical need for shared resources during co-parenting transitions?
Here’s how people reacted:
My son never visited again. They immediately re-titled it in his father’s name. The first time I saw the car again was Thanksgiving at my brother’s house. Ex-husband had dropped him and his brother off at the end of the driveway and was driving the car back and forth in front of the house while we had Thanksgiving dinner, ironically the table was placed at the front window and we got to watch his “show” the entire meal!
Regrets? Nope! I can’t control his father, nor what his father puts my children up to. I did my best! Glad that I could help my son, even if it benefits his father. Also glad that the car wasn’t in my name!! Always take the high road!
I hate the idea of step children if you accept them they are yours and so he has a point if he got it for one the others would expect the same and if this is something he is unwilling to do he made the right choice. YOU asked him to go in with you and he said no. YOU still chose to buy the car knowing he said no then for some reason expected him to still pay, a 16 year old is not guaranteed a car bought by his parents. YOU made that choice for your son and that’s nice of you to do but it was your choice.
Now that you YOU made that decision you are deciding to A. punish your son by restricting access B. punish your ex by making him seem like a bad guy or C. Both
I would explain to your son because of the current situation and the ex not putting money into it and being a jerk about it, let it be a learning curve for him on the realities of our decisions and choices, if anything he should be on his dad’s case for not helping.
Your car…your decision
The child is 16 years old. If he wants a car full time, he can choose to live in the house that provides one.
NTA
Your child using their car should have nothing to do with your ex spouse at all. And like it or not, your child has two homes and should have access to their vehicle at both. These actions, while demonstrating spite towards your ex actually do nothing to harm them, instead only causing issues for your son.
Did you purchase a car for your son, or purchase a car that you let your son drive once in awhile? Two different things. If it’s his car, let him take it. If his dad ends up turning him into a taxi AND he doesn’t like it, then take the heat for your son being the bad guy saying no more. But give it a chance first
Yes I agree it sucks for your son. But you’re protecting his car.
You are being petty. YTA. Why are you punishing your child because your ex is being a dick?
I honestly don’t see how you came to the conclusion that “my ex won’t pay for have of my child’s car so I’m not going to let the child use the car when he’s with his other parent” made literally any sense at all.
Reminding him of these facts:
It’s not your son’s car yet.
It’s YOUR car.
You are responsible for your car.
He is graciously being given access to use YOUR CAR.
If he fights you on it, you will sell YOUR CAR and he will have zero car to drive.
Do NOT test you.
It sounds like dad may demand he share the car and you would be liable.
Now tell everyone that you are the Father, and you don’t want to send the car to your ex wife’s house, and watch all of these comments magically change 180 degrees.