I’m gonna play devil’s advocate up until she accused you of cheating etc.

She lost her daughter, son in law and grandchild in different ways, she obviously hasn’t dealt with the grief or loss in a healthy way which has manifested itself this way.

She crossed a line when she accused you of cheating on your wife who has passed.

I think what you all need is to have a sit down talk. Your parents, her and you. Maybe even your daughter. You don’t owe her this or anything else btw, but it seems as though she hasn’t dealt with the loss and having her remaining family move away probably broke her a little bit.

My advice is to sit down with everyone, and have a nice calm discussion, ask her why she’s been doing these things, if there’s anything you can do to help her mental state, if it’s something possible to fix it could be worth fixing for your daughters sake.

People can do weird and messed up shit when they aren’t in their right state of mind and even though that doesn’t excuse the actions, it can certainly explain them and give an Avenue to help fix or obtain the help she needs.

…. cheating on your deceased wife? She just bypassed all boundaries and went straight for alarmingly delusional. Before I was thinking “this woman has no boundaries” now I’m thinking “this woman needs therapy and you need to change your locks” (taking her key works just as well hopefully).

I do you think you’ll eventually need to have a conversation with her, because I doubt this is the end of it. Whether or not she’s physically busting in your house like the Kool-Aid man and accusing you of having an affair, this is going to make things tense. I think that family therapy would be necessary before any further contact happens, therapy between you and mil, therapy for grandma, and therapy for the three of you including your daughter. It sounds like she genuinely does not understand that her daughter is gone, but it is not your responsibility to make her understand either. It is her responsibility to stay out of your house and stop with this interloping, she is actively going to sabotage any chance you have at happiness or moving on.

NTA

She crossed the line and you are NTA. Change your locks ASAP.

I would highly recommend giving her time with your daughter that is not at your house, and be clear that you are an adult allowed to make your own romantic choices and she should not be discussing that with your kid.

Either supervised visits at a park, or letting your daughter go to your MILs house for short visits if you are comfortable. But do not let that woman in your home and do not allow her to continue to think you are expecteted to be celibate for her own comfort. That’s not sane or reasonable.

Of course if she crosses lines you are welcome to cut her off, and should. But I don’t really get the sense that you are at that point yet. If you are, then so be it you make the choices that are best for you. However, my take is that this may be the confrontation that was needed to shock her into reality and hopefully keeping her at arms legnth will get the point across that she was was way out of line and needs to adjust.

Light YTA. I get it. My MIL (first husband who died) is too much also, like broke into my house days after my husband died and drove past my house every single day. I have spent many months telling her I need a breather from her. We didn’t have kids but she felt like my dogs were her grandkids. She’s an odd bird to say the least. I highly suggest sending her an email, in which you write down very hard boundaries. I do not let my MIL know where we live. I have found her in our area because my current husband is dumb and gave her some close cross streets when she kept asking. But we also do make time once a month to go see them. They now see my husband as their kid, and luckily he’s kind about it, but for your daughter and in your late wifes memory you’re going to have to change your mind.

NTA for your initial reaction, that’s super understandable and must have been so annoying.

I’d hope that you can talk to mil and let her know that her behavior has crossed a huge line in the sand. Maybe after a timeout (if you’re comfortable with that), she’ll realize the seriousness of her actions.

If not I’d understand that too, but I’d venture to guess her actions and craziness are grief driven. I’m not saying it’s right at all, obviously I know that grief impacts you too. You have a right to move on and I’m sure your late wife would want you to find happiness.

Family situations are tough. I hope you’re able to navigate all this in a way that makes you comfortable op. Best wishes.

NTA

You are entitled to your own privacy and it should be expected for an adult to respect another adults private and personal space. Showing up constantly and letting herself in… that’s too much.

However, I’d remember that your deceased wife’s mother is clearly without anyone. Her only child is dead. Her only grandchild with you. This can’t be easy for her. You absolutely need to establish and enforce boundaries. But this isn’t just an overbearing MIL. This is a grief stricken and lonely MIL. Please try to come to a compromise, for the memory of your wife and her daughter.

Edit: my first gold, wow. Thanks guys for the awards 🙂

NTA because of three main reason:
1. This is YOUR house
2. This is YOUR kid
3. This is YOUR life

You lost your wife (I’m genuinely sorry for your loss), you grieved, you accepted your loss and then you moved on. You’re not cheating on anyone and you’re well within your right to not allow her into your property. Keep her away for your kid. Her reaction tells me that she’ll try and push her mindset of you “cheating” on to your daughter. Just remember that you are the parent and that you have your own life.

NTA but I feel for the poor woman. Her daughter died. She doesn’t seem to have a husband. Sounds like she’s all alone in the world and not mourning and processing her grief well. I’d recommend more compassion. And like another poster said, maybe see if your mom will befriend her. Maybe see if you can find a place for her to volunteer—maybe with children or animals or even in nursing homes. So she can get a bit of a social life and connection to others.

NTA

This is the most NTA I’ve ever seen. You have the right to date someone, and no one can tell you if it’s ok or not, or who is good or not. It’s not like you’re leaving your daughter aside. You must continue with your life, and no one can tell you not to do so.

Plus, going to someone’s house unannounced is one of the most disrespectful things. I had a friend that would do that all the time when I was a child, and oh boy, my mom detested it.

NTA. Why does this woman have a key/access code to your home?

She is 100% the AH. Good locks make good neighbors. I wouldn’t recommend giving anyone a key who doesn’t live in your house unless you’re going to be gone except one person whom you can trust to not do this (like your parents or a friend).

NTA. she is violating boundaries big time! the loss of her daughter does not entitle her to invade your home and your life. your wife died, you did not. it is completely reasonable to move on when the time is right.

NTA. Is your mother willing to befriend her? Poor woman needs something to do! I’d suggest having MIL apply to your daughter’s school as a substitute teacher, cafeteria worker or paraprofessional.

NTA, you’ve warned her multiple times, if she wants to see her grandchild she should call you and ask either come over or take your daughter out somewhere. I would not give the keys back.

NTA kinda but also your fault a little because you should have taken her key the moment she started to let herself in uninvited, that’s on you, my friend.

NTA! She keeps coming into your home uninvited. She needs to respect your boundaries. Going forward, I suggest limited contact by appointment only.

Nta, but kind of soft on her because she sounds like she is still grieving but that doesn’t get her to decide what you do and don’t do

If I read correctly, your wife has been gone for at least 5 years. NTA. Your MIL needs grief counseling and boundaries.