When I was a kid, it was an open secret that my grandfather was a molester/abuser.

He would give “horsey rides” on his knees but only to girl children, and then he’d say “oh, no, it’s not a horsey, it’s a rhino!” And slam his thigh into their crotches while they screamed and he held their arms down. That sort of loveable mischief. He’d say he saw an ant or mosquito go up a skirt or down pants and he start digging under the clothes to “squish it.”

It clearly went beyond that with some family members. No one would tell him no, because was scarey crazy and would scream and act out if he was interrupted.

Because of this shadow of fear surrounding his behavior explosions, he would get away with a lot during family parties. Who knew what happened in private. Not me because I kicked him in the nuts and when I was older (13) and he tried again, I sicc’d a dog on him. Him cowering while the 80 pound family dog snarled and pinned him against the wall is a memory I will always cherish.

But the man was a perv in power and everyone else catered to him, even those he molested.

What you just did was end the cycle of abuse.

I kicked gramps in the balls and wasn’t left alone with him for years afterward because me hurting him would cause an even bigger meltdown than him being denied his molester’s license. Also, threatening to stab him helped.

My cousins are all substance abusers and one is dead under age 35. So, no, NTA, trust your gut. Denial is a tool used to invalidate victims of psychos.

I’m 54 (f). I was SA & physically abused. Even though it wasn’t by my mother directly, I resent her for it. Her dad SA her & her siblings, yet she left her kids alone with him often. Even though he didn’t overtly abuse me, (he did covertly) I am angry at her that he could have, given what he did to his own kids. (It was other people who SA me)
She also married a string of physically abusive husbands. Her kids’ safety was never a priority for her.
Even if your ex-wife’s dad didn’t SA her, she knows he’s proven he’s capable of it. The kids should never be alone around him or his wife – as she married him knowing his past. Having children with him, she knowingly put them in harms way. They can claim they believed he “had changed” or that it was his child’s fault he abused her and he was a victim of circumstance (which is f’d up on it’s own), but they still chose to risk it and disregard the safety of the children.
Your daughters will understand, at some point, that you were the one who protected them, while their mother was ok with risking their safety.
Dealing with the resentment from them right now is tough. But, dealing with it forever, and your children potentially being abused, is worse for all involved.
I don’t care if 100% of the people in your life think you’re being an asshole, continue to protect your kids.

Omg NTA in the slightest. Had you NOT done exactly that, you would have been T A and a monster. The guy was convicted and served time for molesting his own daughter, that doesn’t happen without good reason for the court to believe her.

You wife ONLY knows that she thinks he wasn’t inappropriate with her. You only know he was convicted of sexual crimes against a child, and that she was legally barred from exposing the children to him. She did it anyway. She had clear boundaries set out for her behaviour, they were very easy to comply with, and she didn’t. That means that if anything did happen to your children, she would likely minimize, dismiss, and serve them up to him all over again.

It’s important now to have an age-appropriate talk with your children about why they can’t see their grandfather any more. It’s possible he started engaging in grooming activities, so a talk about consent, bodily autonomy, and unwanted touches is in order. Give them the tools to protect themselves by recognizing what is not okay for other people to go to them, and giving them the language to express it.

NTA !

Your ex-wife is a SICKO, leaving your innocent children unsupervised with Grandpa Chester-The-Molester.

Imagine *blaming* the childhood sexual assault of the elder sister ON the sister being “promiscuous”, when in all probable likelihood the sister *became* troubled due do her own father *raping* her !

Imagine *knowing* your own father raped your sister and thinking it’s A-OK to leave your own children in his clutches !

I too do not give a single airborne fornication that your ex-wife’s “health is deteriorating” because she isn’t allowed unsupervised visits with the kids — she and her twisted freak of a father are a DANGER to the kids.

You are doing the right thing, OP — All you need to do is protect and love your sweet kids. Look at their precious faces and *know* you are saving them from a gruesome fate at the hands of Pedo-PawPaw.

She left your daughters alone with a convicted sex offender, an incest pedophile. She blamed her sister for getting molested by their father.

This is a safety issue, and honestly, she sounds groomed. Maybe he did, in fact, molest her and she blocked it out. The urges of pedophilia don’t shut off.

You have full custody, and she gets supervised visitation, because she refused to protect your daughters from a convicted pedophile. She had every opportunity to have a different result.

She put allowing her father to be alone with them higher in importance than her sharing custody of them. This is the result.

She needs serious therapy. Blaming her sister for being mike’s red is a major red flag that her pedophile father groomed her to either accept his behavior or excuse it.

Your ex needs therapy. You need to stay the course as full custodial parent.

NTA

Where you live or the grandfather lives Is there no registered sex offenders list that man should be on indicating he isn’t to be with children?

Regardless your ex wife put herself in the position she is in because she thought it was okay for her convicted child molester father to be with and watch your girls unsupervised.

And I suspect there was plenty of evidence that the court found or you likely would not have been awarded full custody as well as her getting supervised visitation only.

FAFO truly seems to have been accurately applied.

I’m glad your girls are safe.

As to the flying monkeys they get told once to stay in their lane as applies to this topic else NC for a good long while.

NTA at all. I was juror on a case where the damn grandpa was sexually abusing the second child for 2.5 yrs since she was 8. It wasn’t found out until the step dad got home one day and saw said grandpa put his hand in her skirt. (he had mentioned to his wife that her dad’s behavior didn’t seem appropriate with the girls like having the girls cuddle with him watching tv and grandpa patting them on butts). Turns out, the mom was a victim as a kid but left her 3 kids alone with her dad. She still called to wished him a happy birthday after her husband reported to police 🤦‍♀️

NTA – You have the right and responsibility to protect and keep your children away from harm – specifically diddlers/rapists.

Your ex’s health is not the issue. She specifically and knowingly put your kids at risk with her choices.

Never trust those sick facks!!

Speak to a lawyer to find out your options to prevent them from ever seeing the diddlers ever again.

Also find a legal arrangement to have your children be raised by a safe family in the event of your early death or disability.

Best wishes!

NTA. You are protecting your children and putting their wellbeing first. Everyone else doesn’t matter.

It makes me so mad when people deny that their father/ brother/ son couldn’t possibly commit SA even after they have been given proof or convicted. People like that don’t deserve other people prioritising their wellbeing. Your ex wife belongs in that category and deserves no sympathy. She made her bed, she can lie in it.

NTA. Your first duty is to your children. She agreed that they jeeded to be kept away from her father, then failed to hold up her end of the bargain. I can’t say I don’t feel a little sympathy for her, because she was probably browbeaten into this by her father. But the fact is, she caved, and if she’s compromised like that, then she isn’t safe for the kids to be around either.

This is a troll post. We’re supposed to believe you were married with kids and initiated divorce because you found out about a secret older sister? And that she had problem behaviors that stemmed from what he did in a previous marriage with jail time. So who told you about events from 50ish years ago, since the new wife and kids weren’t around then? YTA

NTA

For your daughters, go burn the earth and don’t give a shit.

> people even from my side of family/friends saying I’m evil because Elina is not doing well only getting supervised visitations.

They know nothing.

>I can finally sleep well at night.

You know you did right.

You are a good father.

I wish you and the girls all the best.

NTA. Leave them with a sexual predator and a woman who victim blames? Yeah, no thanks. The courts got this 100% right.

As a side note though, are we sure he didn’t do anything to your wife growing up. Victims tend to say what their abusers did was “fine” because they are desperately trying to come to terms with what happened to them

NTA- Could you also eventually introduce the aunt?
But yeah, I am LC with 98% of paternal side b/c my abuser is still welcome.
Fuck the ex and everyone who turns a blind eye

The fact that your ex wife sees no issue with your children being around a predator is sus. I’d ask your daughters what they did with Grandpa when they were alone. Monstrous

Nope. She left her kids alone with a convicted child molester who target was his own daughter.

Nta at all and tell everyone you put your kids safety first and foremost.

Fuck that! She left your children alone with a predator, in full knowledge of what he’d done. She was freaking ordered by the court not to and still fucking did it. NTA