The in-laws strongly objected to sleeping in separate twin beds, insisting that the OP remove the existing furniture or place it in storage so they could use a queen-sized air mattress instead. The OP refused to alter the room’s setup, which she preferred to keep ready for foster children, leading to significant conflict. The central question is whether the OP and her husband were wrong to refuse the in-laws’ request for a change in sleeping arrangements during their temporary stay.
My husband and I (24f&m) have been married for 2 years. I am a social worker, and my husband works as an electrician. We own a 3 bed 2 bath together. We have our bedroom, our home office, and a guest bedroom.
My states foster care system is one of the worst in the country. There isn’t anywhere close to enough foster homes to meet the total number of children in care. As a result of this, children often get stuck at hospitals, psych facilities, group homes, etc.
often times we have children that have to sleep at the CPS facility in sleeping bags on the floor because there’s just no where for them to go. It’s very common for social workers to bring children home with them, myself included.
It’s hard to find emergency placements for siblings, so if I can’t find a place for them for the night to keep them together, I will often just bring them home with me. My husband and I are child free, but he’s super supportive of this.
So our guest bedroom has two twin beds, both with pull out beds underneath. This means that I can give four children their own beds for the night.
Earlier this year my husbands brother and his wife were temporarily homeless. They lost their jobs, and couldnt renew their lease. They had to scramble to find new jobs and a place to live.
We let them stay with us for two months. I didn’t really want to, but it was the right thing to do.
They were very pissed about the two twin beds thing. Because of the way the bed frames are, you cannot push the beds together. And the room is a little small and oddly shaped, so you can’t fit a queen air mattress in the room without taking the twin beds out.
We don’t have a garage, so there would be no where to put the beds. They wanted me to get rid of the beds or put them in a storage unit, so they could put a queen air mattress in the room.
I refused because I didn’t want to go through all that trouble when they shouldn’t be staying for long anyways, and I worked hard to get the room to look a way that I feel is welcoming to kids, and I don’t want to change it.
I didn’t tell them this, but I also didn’t want them to get too comfortable with the room because I didn’t want them to be tempted to stay for any longer than necessary. I would rather house kids in unstable situations than my ungrateful in-laws.
My husband took my side and told them to get a hotel if they don’t like it, but otherwise shut up. He said that if they keep complaining they’ll have to leave. He’s a good husband. My in-laws have been telling everyone who will listen that were assholes who made them sleep in kid beds.
My husband has been telling his whole family to fuck off basically, and don’t talk to us unless you have something nice to say.
Conclusion
The conflict stems from a clash between the in-laws’ expectation of traditional guest comfort and the OP’s established priority for her home setup, which is designed to accommodate her demanding career supporting children in the state’s overwhelmed foster care system. While the in-laws felt slighted by the sleeping arrangements, the OP and her husband maintained their boundaries regarding the use and preparation of their guest room.
The core debate revolves around the balance between familial obligation during a crisis and the right of homeowners to dictate the condition and use of their personal space. Were the OP and her husband justified in prioritizing their established home readiness for emergency foster placements over the in-laws’ preference for a specific sleeping arrangement, or should they have accommodated the guests’ needs for the duration of their stay?
Here’s how people reacted:
If the twin beds were such a big deal, they could’ve figured out alternative sleeping arrangements or, as your husband said, gotten a hotel. The fact that they’re bad-mouthing you to others shows their lack of maturity and gratitude. Stand your ground, you’re doing something selfless and meaningful with that room, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to change that for entitled relatives. Sounds like your husband has your back too, which is great. Let them pout; they’ll get over it.
You didn’t kick them out or treat them poorly—you simply prioritized something bigger than their temporary discomfort. Props to your husband for backing you up and shutting down the drama. Honestly, anyone who has an issue with this needs to take a step back and think about how much good you’re doing for those kids.
“Hey, can we stay in your guest room for free because we have no place to live?”
Sure. You can stay for a couple of weeks while you look for a place.”
“OK, thanks. Hey, your guest room sucks. You need to re-do it for us so we can be as comfortable as we’d be if we we were paying for these accommodations.”
No. It’s our guest room and it’s set up that way for emergency foster placements.
“Hey, everybody, OP is selfish and mean for not catering to us while we stay at her house for free.”
On a side note, a foster kid is close to my boys. They have spent many nights and sometimes weeks in shitty locations because there was no alternative. I applaud you giving a decent place for them to stay.
Don’t let them come back.
Those kids sound like they need a place to stay a lot more than those spoiled in-laws.
If anyone takes their side, tell them to house those two.
By the way, I’m happy that people like you and your husband exist.
You ever wonder why, when you go into a nice little cafe, they have these flat wooden booths and metal chairs that are kind of uncomfortable? Sometimes when it gets crowded, they turn the music up a little too loud?
Cuz they want to turn the tables and get the next customers in.
You as so far from being an Ahole. ( I would put you on the “A” is for angel category.).
For someone facing being homeless, they should be grateful that you’re willing to help them out. The way they’re behaving looks like they’re planning to stay indefinitely.
For homeless people they certainly have a lot of demands lol
Thanks for taking care of foster kids like that, we need more kind souls like you in the world. People don’t understand just how bad it is for kids in the system.
The only people who get to decorate your home are the people paying the mortgage.
Tell them that if your accommodations are not up to their standards. They might be more comfortable in an Airbnb.
They’re awfully picky for people who were homeless. Do they know that decent people usually express gratitude to those who have helped them? Because it seems like they missed that lesson
Tell them that it is possible to have sex in a twin bed. Draw them diagrams if necessary.
Since they are your in-laws, use only stick figures in the diagrams.
Its YOUR house, YOU have it set up the way you need it.
Anyone calling you an AH has just offered to be the go-to for the future.
I’m sorry your in laws are awful people.
Guests don’t get to dictate what they get to sleep on.
And thank you for your kindness and the amazing work you do for those children.