Years of torment drove the narrator away, seeking refuge from a home ruled by fear and favoritism. Now, decades later, Teddy’s struggles have only deepened, his life marked by isolation and despair, while the wounds of the past linger, unhealed and ever-present.
When my little brother Teddy was born, his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. According to my mom, he wasn’t breathing for at least three minutes. Since then my parents often used that as an excuse for Teddy’s behavior.
My childhood became a living hell with Teddy. “Give Teddy your candy! He died coming into this world” “Let him play with your friends! He died coming into this world!” “Let him open your presents!
Teddy almost didn’t have a birthday!” I had to put up with Teddy’s tantrums, abuse, fits and bad behavior. If I touched a single hair on his head, I got punished while Teddy got away with whatever he did.
It became so bad that when I was 15, I moved out the house to live with family members away from Teddy. My contact with my parents and Teddy is limited. Currently I’m 35 and Teddy is 26.
When he was 18, he decided he wanted to be a competitive eater which turned into just eating. Teddy now weighs almost 600lbs.
Cause of his weight, he can’t hold a job and lives with our parents who still cater to him and pay for everything. Since Teddy requires round the clock care, my parents hardy leave the house.
They weren’t present at my wedding, only see the grandkids if I bring them around and all family events like dinners have to held at their house cause its hard to move Teddy. A few days ago Teddy suffered a bad fall that put him in the hospital.
My husband and I at least came to see him.
My parents complained that the hospital wasn’t feeding him enough, didn’t have a wheelchair big enough for him and naturally they didn’t want to hear anything about his weight. It would be easier to turn water into gold.
To make a long story short, my parents pulled my husband and I aside and asked a large amount money for Teddy’s care. They said that they didn’t have money to keep caring for him and were having to dip into their retirement funds.
They even suggested that once Teddy is cleared to go home, he move in with us cause my husband and I are well off with a bigger house and so “We can get a break cause we have to care for him all year round while you just visit.”
I said no. My husband told them hell no! We both work full time. Our kids are enrolled in sports and dance. We made it clear that Teddy would not be moving in with us nor would we be moving our schedule around to deal with him or giving them the money even though we could afford it.
“He’s your brother! You almost didn’t have a brother!”
We left the hospital. My mom later called me, berating me abandoning the family and Teddy and demanding money. I told her I would not care for Teddy under any circumstances. Even if something happened to her and my dad, I would not care for my brother and he’s her problem.
Not mine. My mom cursed me out over the phone and hung up. I do feel a little bad cause Teddy is my brother but he made my life hell and my parents refuse to take any responsible for his behavior.
AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a severe emotional conflict stemming from a childhood characterized by severe favoritism and abuse directed toward their younger brother, Teddy. The OP’s firm refusal to provide financial support or take in their 26-year-old brother, who weighs nearly 600 lbs and requires constant care, directly contrasts with the parents’ expectation that the OP should sacrifice their adult life to compensate for years of enabling Teddy’s behavior and neglecting the OP.
Given the extensive history of parental enabling and the direct physical and emotional harm inflicted upon the OP, is the OP justified in completely severing financial and caregiving responsibility for their brother, or does the biological relationship create an unavoidable, ongoing moral obligation to assist the parents and Teddy financially?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your parents need to fix themselves and the issues with Teddy will likely follow. Good for you for refusing to provide them an escape hatch from the bed they made for themselves.
>he can’t hold a job and lives with our parents who still cater to him and pay for everything
They enabled him to get to 600lbs, close to his death. He’s not much longer for this world. These are based on his decisions, which you are not responsible for.
They need serious family therapy to see how their behavior is leading to the death of their son. They can’t just help him get close to death then pawn the problem off on someone else.
Don’t let them make you feel bad for anything. Stand your ground and go even more low-contact if you need to.
The most I would do is tell them to take teddy to see a nutritionist and therapy for all of them.
You parents have done your brother a great disservice and did not prepare him for the real world. There is no way you should take in your brother. I do feel bad for him, but this is not your burden. If your parents truly cannot care for your brother, he belongs in a care facility. You should not be paying to care for him.
Your parents didn’t do your brother any favour by coddling and spoiling him like this. You were right to stand your ground. Don’t enable them.
The only sane reason to help out is if they’re actively working to make the situation better – – which they aren’t. They’re just killing your brother and burning themselves slowly.
Even if your childhood *hadn’t* been terrible because of him, still not your responsibility.
I’m so sorry your parents are like this.
Not your kid and he’s a damn spoiled adult. Plus, you were abandoned by your parents first, you owe them nothing