Yet, in the midst of joy and remembrance, an unexpected twist emerged—a friend revealed his own impending fatherhood, sparking an unforeseen conflict over a name that carried deep meaning for both families. What began as a heartfelt tribute now risked becoming a source of silent pain and complicated emotions.
I lost my sister almost 9 years ago. She was my only sibling and my best friend. I looked up to her and really loved her. Needless to say we were very close. I was 17 when she passed away.
Now fast forward 9 years later, I am 26 almost 27, married and soon to be father of a beautiful baby girl. When we found out we were having a girl, I asked my wife what she thought about naming our daughter after my late sister.
She was on board. We also picked out a middle name that meant a lot to my wife’s family. So ofc we were all happy.
A couple days later, me and my friends were on a casual zoom call and someone asked what we were naming her, and I mentioned the name thing as well as how much both names meant to us.
Everyone was happy and that was that or so I thought. Well a couple days later one of the friends on the zoom call announced that his girlfriend was 7 months pregnant. none of us had any idea but were happy for him nonetheless.
Now you can probably guess where this is going.
I am going to keep this short, apparently that night he was just telling her how everything went and he mentioned my daughter’s name and his gf just loved it so much that “she just couldn’t even picture a different name”.
[they were keeping the gender a surprise and weren’t settled on a name]. He thought she would change her mind by the time the baby was born and well she didn’t. they copied not only the first name but also the middle name.
I was livid when I first found out. I went over to his house to talk about it.
well his parents who know me since college, were there too and asked me what was wrong when saw us arguing from the window. I told them everything and they were upset to, enough to give a good lecture to both my friend and his gf.
Another thing to note is that i made it clear as day that me and my wife will not be changing our kid’s name. Both the kids will probably go to the same school. M
Now, a few of my friends and him and his gf are blowing up mine and my wife’s phone calling us inconsiderate and assholes for telling his parents and not even thinking about a name change since it is “technically theirs now”.
I do feel like it will make it a little difficult for both the girls to have the same name and the same middle name since both names aren’t super common, not to mention they will most likely be in the same grade.
My question here is am I being an asshole for 1. telling his parents and getting them in trouble and 2. for not considering a name change?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is deeply conflicted, feeling justified in protecting the deeply personal meaning behind their chosen name, which honors a lost sister, but is also concerned about the practical complications of having two children with identical first and middle names attending the same school system as the friend’s child.
Given that the OP’s naming choice is tied to a significant emotional loss and the friend’s partner adopted the name after hearing the OP’s intention, is the OP an inconsiderate person for involving the friend’s parents and refusing to change the name, or does the friend and his partner bear responsibility for knowingly copying a name with established familial significance?
Here’s how people reacted:
“Just so you are clear I will always tell people what happened so when a teacher comments, and they will “oh how unusual they have the same first and second name”, I will say ” Actually my daughter is named after my deceased sister and wife’s family member. X and Y copied the name, it was deeply upsetting but what can you do, some people are just selfish and lack imagination ” and I will keep saying it, people on the street, teachers the whole way up, parents of their school friends, at parties, over and over you will constantly be the ones embarrassed at your own actions. You’ll be so sick of me saying it you’ll probably hate me and the name but hey ho I don’t give a shiny shit about anyone who gives no shits about me, my daughter and actually their own daughter, because you are knowingly setting your own kid up for this too”
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards, kind strangers! I did not expect my comment warranted it, but I’m very humbled.
Two kids with the same name in the school or class in very common. As long as they don’t share first, middle and last name it usually is OK. If the girls want to they could always ask their teachers to use nicknames instead. Some might agree to it; it depends on how formal the teacher is.
Forgot to vote…. NAH
Everytime I hear these stories, I feel like the best thing to do would be to embarrass the living shit out of these two by publicly, on social media, sarcastically saying something to the effect of “Thank you Dave and Kim. It’s such an honor that you would also choose to name your daughter Beverly Rose, after my sister and Amy’s grandmother. My family is so thankful for your thought and care, that you would also pay tribute to our loved ones”
Then next time they get pregnant. Steal their name and adopt a dog to give it to.
You still have 5 years before their school aged and one of you may move. Even if they do end up at the same school, they will have different last names and everyone will know who your daughter was named after, and people will know they copied you.
There seems to be no honor among name-thieves.
Anyhoo, NTA.
It’s not like you ran to his parents to snitch on him. They asked you a question and you answered.
And no, you shouldn’t consider a name change if you don’t want to.
And you need better friends.
But NTA because how can THEY suggest that you should be the one to change it? It was a name that meant a lot to you, you came up with it first so the other folks should have been more original.
You are naming your daughter to honor your sister. They named theirs because on a whim, heard a name and liked it. They put the backlash in themselves for that one. The fallout is theirs to deal with.