Amidst the tension and whispered judgments, Scott stands resilient, trying to weather the storm of constant comparison to a man from a life they once left behind. But beneath the surface, the emotional strain weighs heavily, revealing the painful reality of love tested not just by time, but by the relentless ghosts of what could have been.
So, I f31 recently got married to my husband Scott m36. Before I met him I was engaged to my former fiance Martin, but we broke it off because this relationship was sort of pushed by my family because he’s a doctor and comes from a wealthy family.
When our relationship ended mom was devastated. She did her best to bring us back together, For example she lied to Martin about me being pregnant to save “us”. That was years ago now we’re all on good terms including Martin.
Mom has a bit of tension towards Scott, she treats him well but constantly makes passive, nagging comments about him. She compares him to Martin all the time which bothers both of us but we try to let it slide.
Mom kept telling Scott about the diamond ring, new car, and bank account Martin got for his fiancee and kept sending him photos saying how generous Martin is to his fiancee than compared him to Scott and what he had done for me.
I told her stop doing this and she apologized.
Last week, we were over at my parents house for a social gathering, lot of relatives came and we had dinner. At dinner table mom asked Scott if he saw the text she sent him the other day, he said he was sorry and that he didn’t notice.
She told him to check it right then and read it out loud so everyone at the table could hear. He took his phone and started reading the text out loud. Her text mentioned how Martin got his fiancee a new house and how generous he was, then said that Martin is younger than Scott, yet was able to buy a house.
Basically shaming Scott for his inability to buy a house. She wrapped up by saying that Martin maybe wasn’t so bad for me allafter. I was shocked and Scott was pissed obviously, however, he didn’t lash out or anything he looked at the text, smiled and said “you know, what gets me about this entire text is how you were a public educator for 30 years, yet you can’t differentiate between the passive “you” and the contraction “you’re”, Good God!
The thought of all the children that must’ve been left behind!”. Everyone at the table busted into laughter and mom’s face went pale. She decided to leave the table then she and my sister started yelling at me saying Scott was being awfully rude and I need to get him to apologize immediately forembarrassing mom at the table.
I refused to tell him to apologize then pointed out how she was being judgemental towards him, she defended herself saying she was just letting him know and he had no confidence and took it personally.
I left but kept getting told to talk to him and get him to apologize for what he did.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is caught in a difficult situation where her mother actively undermines her current marriage by constantly comparing her husband, Scott, to her wealthy ex-fiancé. The central conflict lies in the mother’s inability to accept Scott’s standing and her subsequent public shaming of him, which Scott ultimately countered with a sharp, public remark regarding her grammar.
Given the mother’s repeated history of manipulative and critical behavior, was Scott’s sharp, public retort an appropriate way to finally establish a firm boundary, or did his reaction only escalate the existing family tension by publicly humiliating the OP’s mother?
Here’s how people reacted:
You should have shut her down when she tried to make him read that text in front of everyone! You should have reminded her that she already brought this topic up and was forced to apologize earlier, so how dare she try to bring it up again? Your mother is acting awful and you need to put your foot down harder- you should be telling her that SHE needs to apologize for her unacceptable actions and that you’re unequivocally on your husband’s side. It shouldn’t even cross your mind that you might be “the asshole” to your mom for not making him apologize.
“Mom, I’ve told you to stop but you refuse so we won’t be coming to family events or speaking with you until you sincerely – AND I MEAN SINCERELY- apologize to husband. If you can’t or won’t, then that is your decision, but I won’t allow your reign of bullying and harassment continue. Let me know what you decide. Good bye.”
Since your mother refuses to be nice to him, it’s probably time to stop visiting. Or first you could try to enforce a no-Martin rule. Every time she brings up Martin or even hints at a Martin comparison — you and your husband silently stand up and leave immediately.
You realize that these two statements directly contradict each other right?
Also I dont think you’re both trying to let it slide. I think you’re a coward who should have actually stood up for your fiance years ago but haven’t so here we are…
Your mum is TA in this. She’s happy to publicly humiliate Scott but when he turns around a really uncomfortable situation with humour she can’t handle it.
She really really needs to let this, and the ex situation go. She has repeatedly pushed it to far. You are both being far too kind to her if anything.
YTA for not shutting your Mom down a long time ago
Your Mom is a total raging AH who needs to be the one apologizing for her appalling behavior
Your Sister is an AH for siding with your bullying Mom
Scott is a gem and NTA. He’s brilliant!
>She decided to leave the table then she and my sister started yelling at me saying Scott was being awfully rude and I need to get him to apologize immediately forembarrassing mom at the table.
What about your mom embarrassing Scott at the table? Is she going to apologize for that?
Your mom is more embarrassed that the whole table now knows how awful she is to your husband and that she can’t get away with it anymore.
He shouldn’t apologize and you shouldn’t ask him to.
NTA.
NTA
WHY ARE YOU LETTING YOUR MOM TREAT YOUR HUSBAND THIS WAY?
Yes, your husband handled it like a champ, but grow a freaking spine and tell your mom in no uncertain terms to cut that shit out.