As Chris stands on the brink of adulthood, juggling the weight of two jobs and early graduation, the family navigates the delicate balance between growing up too fast and holding onto fleeting moments. Amidst the practicalities and sacrifices, a deeper story unfolds—one of silent longing, resilience, and the unbreakable ties that bind them.
I have been married to my husband Jeremy since my son “Chris” was 8. He is now 17. My husband and him have a fantastic relationship, despite what the title may sound like.
My birthday is in 2 weeks and I honestly havent put much thought in to it. My husband is not a gift giver. He says he has a hard time figuring out what to get and doesnt want to waste money on something that people wont use.
He is also a practical person, whereas I’m by far the sentimental type. So even when he does get me something, it’s something I can use every day. Which, no big deal obviously, but I’ve requested some sentimental pieces and he just never gets them.
So I pretty much gave up on ever asking for anything and it did really bother me for a number of years but it truly doesnt bother me now usually.
Well, my son graduated a year early and doesnt start college until next year. So currently he works 2 jobs (his choice). I’ve asked him to cut back and enjoy his teen years before adulthood but working just makes him happy.
So he works at a mechanic shop and a junk yard. Most of his buddies work there too so at least he is getting in time with friends. Well my husband hates spending money and tries inflicting that on us.
He lives as frugally as physically possible and saves every single dime that he can. He could retire right this second and wouldnt be able to go through all the money he has saved.
My son comes home last night with 3 of his buddies that work with him and hes like “I know it’s not for 2 more weeks but I cant wait for you to open this, so please open it now.” Him and his buddies are snickering about it so I thought it would be some gag gift but much to my surprise, it was a huge, absolutely gorgeous wall piece that has photo frames AND shelves built in.
My husband immediately was like “Wow, how much did that cost? That could have went into a IRA Ros account” (idk if I said that right). My son immediately shots cold daggers at my husband and says “Its truly none of your business what I do with my money and since you outright refuse to buy my mother nice things that she absolutely deserves, I will make sure she gets something nice.
And for the record, we made this ourselves. Didnt cost us anything.” My husband just stops talking, looks at me waiting for me to say something and when I dont he shakes his head and walks off.
After the boys leave he says I allowed Chris to embarass him infront of other people and I should have said something. I simply told him that Chris was right. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is caught between her husband’s extreme frugality and her son’s deeply sentimental gesture intended to compensate for the husband’s lack of thoughtful gift-giving. While the OP values the sentimental gift and supports her son’s actions, her husband feels publicly embarrassed and criticized by the exchange, placing the OP in a difficult position regarding her loyalty and her husband’s emotional needs.
Given the husband’s strong reaction to perceived public humiliation versus the son’s successful attempt to provide sentimental value, the core question remains: Is it justifiable for an adult child to actively challenge a parent’s financial habits in order to provide a sentimental gift the other parent has repeatedly failed to give, especially when that gift is well-received by the recipient?
Here’s how people reacted:
1. It isn’t your husband’s business what your son spends his money on. He’s working two jobs for a year, giving him seemingly enough to save while having some “play” money. He’s almost an adult, with (I’m assuming) very few financial obligations.
2. If your son wants to do nice things for you, his mother, whom he absolutely believes deserves it, why is that so much of an issue for your husband?
3. If your husband was so embarrassed by how people perceive him (teenagers at that), then maybe deep down he knows it’s true and feels some hint of guilt about his behavior. But that’s his problem.
I’m going to add: based on your son’s reaction, I’m inclined to believe he gets this reaction a lot from your husband any time he spends money. If anything is to be discussed in regards to this situation, maybe it’s the snarky comment Husband made when he saw the gift (the homemade gift that I’m sure cost very little- and even if it didn’t, the fact that he made it himself literally makes it priceless to you.. or ya know, sentimental!)
Sounds to be like you’ve raised a fantastic man who loves, respects, you and works hard for what he has and what he has to offer not only you but the world. You sound like an amazing mother. Happy birthday!. 💕
Your son did something genuinely heartwarming. Sounds like he works damn hard for his money , and unlike most 17 year old boys he isn’t spending it on partying and stuff. He’s bought his mother a lovely birthday present. That’s a genuinely amazing thing to do- his stepfather should celebrate that & feel proud. His first response shouldn’t be ‘oh what a waste of money’. Money isnt just for existence , if you have enough it’s also to be enjoyed- you can’t take it with you when you’re gone. So if you can afford it, buying gifts for the ones you love is about as good a way of spending as possible. Hats off to your son. Unfortunately your husband was rude – there’s no need for that. He’s TA here. You shouldn’t have corrected your son as he’s right – his stepfather shouldn’t have said that. Sounds like you’ve raised a very nice young man btw – you should feel very proud
Your husband tried to shame your son for doing something thoughtful and kind. Your husband was prioritizing money over giving you something sweet and thoughtful. That’s kinda a problem.
Your child did something nice for you. Not only did your husband NOT do something nice, but he had to try and shit on your son’s gift in front of your son, his friends, and you. I am appalled at the jealousy, the selfishness, and the audacity. Your husband went out of his way to be an AH, and got mad when he was called on it.
Why did you not tell him off yourself? I’m glad your son can defend himself, but why does he have to?
* you seem to know the price of everything and the value of nothing
* your son was rude, and you should follow that up with him separately
* your husband should not have intervened in the way he did, embarrassing your son in front of his friends.
Unless you want perpetual warfare at home – and perhaps you like being the centre of attention – you need to get both men to behave better. It may not be easy for your husband if you are very different in your attitude to money – he may be in a position to retire, but have you made provision for yourself?
If I were your son, I’d probably have said something along the same lines… and if I were you, I wouldn’t get in the middle of it. Your son is essentially an adult now.. and, at least in this respect, he’s acting more mature than your husband. As an aside, the most sentimental gifts can be ones you spend time on instead of money. So, I don’t understand for the life of me your husbands position. If I were you, I would have been upset about this a long time ago.
I feel like your husband in some ways hold you hostage financially with his way of thinking .
I think your son was right and he really loves his Mom
Info: Are you sure he’s only 17?
Wow what a good kid. He stood up for you and spent the time and made a cool gift. Kind of a duck thing to say to step dad but all 17 are AH he’s much lower on the AH scale then most 17 so I said no ah here
I can’t stand it when adults with brains turn into babies the moment something is asked of them. It’s your birthday!!!
Your son was quite right and your husband knows it. Grrr on your behalf.