But life offered a second chance in the form of Maddy, a bright new beginning born from fate and hope. Their love blossomed swiftly, healing wounds and building a future filled with promise—soon to be crowned by the arrival of their first son, a symbol of renewal and unwavering commitment.
I 28M am marrying my current Fiancée Maddy, 24F this November and we’re expecting our first son in February. Prior to my current partner, I dated my ex-girlfriend Adriana 29F for 5 years.
Things did not end well with my last relationship. She was upset that I was taking too long to marry her and upset that I wanted to make a career change when it turned out I hated my career that I was starting in human resources.
Two and a half years ago, she broke up with me despite me telling her that I was close to getting ready to propose to her, I just wanted to finish my school for my new career in healthcare and then I would be ready.
It tore me up for long time, especially since over the time we were together she got very close to my family, particularly my mom. That meant I couldn’t even get away from her at some family events.
Two years ago I met Maddy at a work function and we hit it off immediately. We moved in within six months of knowing each other, I had proposed by a year since I had achieved the career track I wanted, and a couple of months ago we found out she was pregnant.
I couldn’t be happier with how things have turned out for me recently.
Adriana, learning about how fast things went with Maddy, went ballistic. She called me and said I was a piece of shit who used her and led her on, and said many vile things to me. She started saying awful things about me to any mutuals who could listen, and even started leaving negative reviews at the hospital I work at naming me by name.
Those eventually got taken down, but it was incredibly embarrassing. I spoke with a lawyer to see what my options were, but he said I didn’t have many options for relief. Last week, after having dealt with this for a while, I ran into her at my mom’s birthday party.
At that party, she happened to “accidentally” spill a drink on my fiancée, and during a speech about my mother, she sniped at me saying “I love this wonderful woman, and am glad she gave birth to 3 wonderful children” while glaring at me (My mom had 4 kids).
When she was leaving, she also “accidentally” dinged my car with her driver side door.
After she left, I sat down with my mother and said that my ex was making my life harder for no reason, listed the things I mentioned above and asked her to not invite her to events anymore.
She pushed back saying that Adriana was a decent friend to her and she likes Adriana’s mother a lot so it would be difficult for her to cut her off. I said that I understand that, but I am asking as her son to support me when somebody is mistreating me.
She said we’d talk about it further. Yesterday, I found out that Adriana was coming to my youngest brother’s track tournament.
I called my mom and asked her to uninvite Adriana. She said she couldn’t. I said “Let me make this more clear for you then. If you are saying yes to her, you are saying no to me. If you decide to support her in this, you can consider yourself uninvited to my wedding, and not a part of the family I am building.
You can also say goodbye to meeting your first grandchild”. She called me mean and cold, I said I am about this.
The fallout from this has been more than I was expecting. Adriana went nuts when my mom cut her off, and I got a bunch of mutuals saying I was a massive ass for destroying the relationship between my mom and Adriana.
My mom is pretty upset with me, but I know she’ll eventually come around. My fiancée is happy that I am standing up for her and us. My question is: Did I go too far? Am I the asshole for threatening to cut off my mom if she didn’t cut off Adriana?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels justified in taking strong action to protect his new family unit from harassment by his ex-girlfriend, Adriana. This protection extended to setting a firm boundary with his mother by demanding she cease contact with Adriana. The central conflict arises from the OP prioritizing his immediate family’s peace over his mother’s established friendship with the ex, leading to an ultimatum that strained the mother-son relationship.
Given the escalating harassment from the ex, including physical actions at a family event, was the OP’s ultimatum to his mother—threatening to exclude her from his wedding and future grandchildren if she maintained contact with Adriana—a necessary defense of his boundaries or an overly harsh demand that fractured his existing family ties?
Here’s how people reacted:
i’ve been with my bf for *almost* 5 years. we’re 21F and 23M. I cannot imagine us getting engaged now. we’re young, still in school, are growing as people, and need to sort out a lot of financial things before we’re ready to spend money on what is essentially a party. when we do get engaged it’ll be for 18 months or less while we plan then we’ll be married, no long engagements here. when we’re ready, we’ll plan it and do it, not sit around for years before getting married. if he gave me a ring now, it would just be a shut up ring (except i haven’t been complaining or asking for one) to make me think he’s serious enough about me to be thinking about marriage. i know he is because we’ve talked marriage, i don’t need a ring to tell me that. and honestly, with both of us being in school i’d be pretty pissed at him for taking money away from rent and groceries to get me a ring at this point in our life. the most i’d want from him right now ring wise would be a $300 or less promise ring.
you’re NTA and the people who are saying you are need to reconsider how old you were when this all first started. early 20s is not the time to be getting engaged. I expect my bf will propose in the next 2-3 years. and i’m totally okay with that. I’ll be 23-24 and he’ll be 25-26. hell be done with school by then and i’ll be working on my masters by then. that is a good time to get married, not now when our whole futures are still up in the air and dependent on how hard we work in school.
i also have a crazy mother who is a lot like your ex, just want to say you dodged a bullet. your mom is being manipulated and the sooner she realizes that the better for everyone (minus your ex, but who cares about her). enjoy your engagement, marriage, and your baby coming into your life. if your ex continues to causes problems get cameras on your home and cars and send a cease and desist letter. also, don’t invite your mother to the birth of your child or allow her to babysit until you’re 100% sure she sees your ex for the manipulator she is.
Adriana destroyed her relationship with your mother by verbally and emotionally abusing her son, physically assaulting her daughter-in-law, and writing potentially libelous trash that could have severely impacted your life.
Should have cut her off as soon as the relationship ended, the only thing you did wrong was letting her trash you for far too long. Her impatience and wasted opportunities are not your responsibility no matter how salty she acts about it.
If anything take this as massive flattery that she (still) wants to be with you so strongly and sees (but perhaps does not recognize) how badly she fucked up by throwing it away.
As for the people who are mad at you, who cares what they think? If your ex was capable of behaving herself, their relationship could have continued. But she’s a loose cannon and you don’t need to put up with it.
I understand you spoke with a lawyer but there’s really nothing you can do about her continued harassment?
Here’s a good way to determine if you are overreacting. If this person wasn’t your ex, if she was just a friend of your mothers and she did the things she has done, would it be ok to ask your mom to choose who she wants to keep in her life.
Your ex is toxic and I have no doubt she stayed in your mother’s life specifically so she can stay in yours.
You’re a good man. A husband stands by his wife and a wife stands by her husband.
I’m an older woman, 66, and I have witnessed relationships and marriages dissolve in bitter resentment for the spouse not putting their marriage first. Stay the course, you are on the right track.
You are building a solid life for a solid family and I wish you and your bride the best of life to come.
Your fiance & child are your priority.
And your mother also needs to realise and accept that her son and soon to be daughter in law should be her priority.
Adriana really needs to move on. Shes sounding unhinged.
It’s time to drop these people from your life.
And your mom can have a *relationship* with Adriana as long as she isn’t invited to anything you are attending.
But let’s be real- if she put up that much resistance in cutting her out, then she’ll be right back at it after the baby’s born. Or she’ll be doing it the whole time
Also super glad one of these hubbies out there has the balls to stand up to mummy. You need to nip that crap in the bud right now.
NTA
Nta
Updateme