Years passed, and the girl who once sought comfort became a woman intertwined with the family’s very soul. When she and his eldest son chose to unite their lives, it was more than a marriage; it was the affirmation of a chosen family, bound not by DNA but by unwavering devotion. Walking her down the aisle was not just a gesture—it was a celebration of a love that transcended the ordinary, a testament to the enduring power of chosen kinship.
I think I messed this up the first time. Trying again.
I have four sons. I love each of them very much. I never had a biological daughter, but I used to have a close friend that was a single father. My friend had a demanding job, and his daughter, who we’ll call Glinda, spent a lot of time at my home.
When Glinda was 14 my friend was diagnosed with the big C. It was hard, and I did everything I could to help. Over the next three years, Glinda spent more and more time at my house as my friend spent more and more time in the hospital.
She was 17 when he passed away. She continued to live here until she started college.
My oldest son, Greg we’ll call him, and Glinda were always close, as he’s only a year younger than her. When he started college at the same school as Glinda, they began dating. I won’t lie, the idea of having the woman I consider to be a daughter as my actual daughter in law made me happy.
They got married two years ago. At Glinda’s request, I walked her down the aisle while carrying a framed phone of my friend, so that both of her fathers were with her. It was a very emotional day, and there were a lot of tears.
On to the conflict. Glinda has been, since shortly after my friend’s death, a beneficiary in my will. When I die, everything will be divided by five and distributed to the kids. My second oldest son, Ted, recently approached me about taking Glinda out of the will, or cutting down her and Greg’s respective shares.
He stated that Greg and Glinda are essentially “double-dipping” and that it isn’t fair.
Ted is asexual and has no plans on ever getting married. He thinks it’s unfair that Greg will get twice as much because he is married. I told Ted that Glinda isn’t a beneficiary because she’s Greg’s wife; she’s a beneficiary because I helped raise her and love her.
Even if she and Greg (God forbid) split up, I wouldn’t remove her from the will.
Ted still says it is unfair. He texted his younger brothers (who are in middle and high school) about it, which I don’t appreciate. My youngest agrees that Glinda shouldn’t get anything, but we all know how thirteen year olds are.
My seventeen year old hasn’t said anything. Glinda and Greg are unaware of this argument.
WIBTA if I refuse to change my will? I know legally I can leave things to whoever I want, but am I screwing over the younger boys? Is what I thought was an act of love actually a dick move?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a significant conflict regarding their will, where they have included their adopted daughter figure, Glinda, as an equal beneficiary alongside their four biological sons. The central conflict arises from their son Ted’s belief that this arrangement constitutes unfair “double-dipping” because Greg is married to Glinda, while the OP views the inclusion as a fulfillment of their long-standing paternal commitment to Glinda.
Given the OP’s clear, deeply rooted emotional commitment to Glinda established over many years, is the OP behaving ethically by prioritizing this commitment over their sons’ perceived entitlement to an equal division of assets, or does the introduction of a marriage into an already established in-family arrangement inherently create an inequitable situation that demands a change to the will?
Here’s how people reacted:
*Glinda isn’t a beneficiary because she’s Greg’s wife; she’s a beneficiary because I helped raise her and love her.*
Your son Ted is the arsehole here. Because of his greed, no matter what you decide, there will probably be a rift in the family.
You are not giving Greg extra money because he is married. You are giving equal amounts of money to all your children, including your non-biological daughter.
You will need to see your attorney, explain the situation and lock the will down so it cannot be contested after your passing. By anyone.
Ask Ted if the money means more to him than his relationship with his brother and possibly his other siblings. His answer will give you insight.
It is *highly* inappropriate and manipulative for him to involve his teenage brothers. Particularly the youngest may not fully understand the full familial ramifications of this action.
I’m really angry that he is using his younger brothers as straw men in this debate.
Ted has revealed a distinct lack of morals and ethics here.
You need to tell Greg and Glinda once you have made a decision so they are fully aware that Ted would rather have money than them in his life.
Once you have discussed it with them, have a chat with your youngest sons.
Get everything clear and in the open. It will stop Ted from stirring more trouble.
Then have a chat with Ted about how you don’t appreciate his mercenary actions and that you find him squabbling over 1/4 vs 1/5 disappoints you as it shows a real lack of character. Also, point out that him planning what he can benefit from your death is upsetting and unseemly.
He can do what he likes with his money. But this is your money and you will allocate it to the people you love. He doesn’t get a say and he will NOT broach this with your minor children again.
I’d be telling him how disappointed I was in the person he has become.
NTA.
Edit: Someone else commented about a clause that the person who contests the Will forfeits their share. I’d be doing this and telling Ted about it.
What is your relationship like with Ted?
You went to great lengths to be a father figure for Glinda and even invited her to live with you and your four sons…did he ever seem like maybe he felt resentful towards all this attention you gave to a child who (biologically) is not yours?
I’m always iffy on stories like these because YES – you did great thing for Glinda. However, you have four kids that you are emotionally and legally responsible for. I’m getting the impression that while you may see Glinda as your fifth child – she’s definitely just a SIL for Ted.
Maybe they didn’t want their tutor/family friend living with them and taking up room?
For right now – NAH
Glinda is like a daughter to you and the money would have been split to her mo matter what however…it’s a little unfair to your other sons.
Whether they intend to stay bachelors or fall in love and marry – their older brother would essentially get double what they’re getting because he’s married to Glinda.
Your son is being greedy. Also, why is he counting his chickens before they hatch ?( counting money before you die).
I went on a cruise once, there was an old lady by herself for Christmas. When asked why she wasn’t with family she said they were all greedy and can rot in hell. They only called when they wanted money. She came home one day to them trying to steal her new TV saying ‘well it’s not like you’re going to need it for long’. They tried to put her in a care facility and sell her house to take all proceeds etc.
She sold everything and lived on back to back cruises, any money left over was going to charities. Her family gets nothing. She’s living her best life.
Ask your son if he wants his share donated to charity, if not he can stop mentioning the will. You’re not dead. He’s being disrespectful.
It’s your choice, Ted needs to accept it, and maybe have a think about his priorities if he’s spending time thinking about what he’ll get when you’ve died.
You’ve explained that Glinda is getting stuff because she’s like a daughter to you, and nothing to do with the relationship.
Ultimately as siblings, if any of them was ever struggling after you’d died, I imagine they’d help each other, so there’s no big deal there, his argument is weak and it just comes off greedy and vindictive.
I don’t want my parents’ money personally; I’d rather they spend it on themselves and enjoy their last years.
Hopefully one day your kids will rise up and won’t need any of your money, or won’t expect any of it. Right now they sound greedy/entitled.
You get to give whatever you want to whoever you want. But if your kids don’t see her as a sister, they are going to have hurt feelings.
NTA.
We were 5 kids now 4.
My mom talk to me a lot about splitting her money.
You know what I say?
“PLEASE MOM, travel, buy crazy expensive shit, eat in nice restaurants, do whatever the fuck you want cause that’s your money you work hard for. Even if I get nothing, I will be ok and happy to know you had fun with it”.
That’s your money. He has NOTHING to say about it.
While you may consider her your daughter, it seems pretty obvious that you didn’t raise her in such a way that any of your younger children feel that she is their sister. I would certainly hope that Greg doesn’t feel like she is his sister otherwise, that is completely gross, even though they are not biologically related.
Edit: NTA , didn’t even think to include that lol.
Carry on as you wish.