My feelings for children are the same as yours and all my friends have always known this about me.

They’re all moms now. Every single one has asked me to please tell them if it gets too much of pregnancy or baby talk/pictures/gross facts, even when they were new moms. Every single one has asked me if I wanted to hold the baby because they “know how I feel about them” or warned me if the kids were in a mood or sticky or wanted kisses if I was coming over. It wasn’t done out of fear or passive aggressiveness but respect. Because they know I would do the same for them if I got an animal they didn’t like.

And they know I’m the one they can talk to about all the lousy sides of being a parent that aren’t socially acceptable to utter aloud or get away from their kids for a bit with. And in turn, I do play with the kids and get all their disgustingly wet kisses and even put them to bed because they think it’s fun and I feel safe in knowing that if I don’t want to do any of that, I can say so without anyone’s feelings being hurt because why should they be? It’s not my child – I’m not expect to love them.

Anna is simply not a good friend because friends respect each other. She might be in that daze new parents get where they think their offspring is the center of the universe, but it’s not an excuse to just steamroll all over you and then play the victim. I would seriously consider if you feel like you can be in that friendship long-term because she’s not likely to change if that’s how she’s dealing with this from the get-go.

NTA

I think Anna expected that her baby would bring out nurturing feelings in you. 

Some mothers (and grandmothers) think that their (grand)child can change another person or that person’s life. They are so proud and love their child so much, that they can’t imagine that anyone else would think differently. It never even occurs to them that their child is only special to them (and their family). 

To a lot of other people, it is simply a child. Like many other children. Like they used to be.

I don’t think you were that blunt. It seems more like you had to remind Anna because Anna was and still is having high on her own baby and her fantasy that everyone will come together for her and her baby. That her baby would be dotted on by all the “aunties”.

Your words snapped her back to reality that her experience and baby didn’t change anything for you. I think that was what embarrassed and hurt her.

It was all a dramatic overreaction to say you were cold (you were not rude and if you were cold you wouldn’t have wanted to still be her friend) and that you made her feel abandoned. It sounds like she has plenty of friends, mutual and otherwise. And a partner, I suspect. It feels insulting towards them, that even with their support, she felt abandoned.

Maybe this friendship has run it’s course, if she makes her whole identity being a mom and her child.

ESH. Your friend is the asshole for trying to push children and motherhood on you, I send my (childless and “one and done”) friends pictures of my baby almost daily but I don’t send them parenting videos or tell them that they’ll change their mind. Also, if she’s having a moms and friends gathering at her house it sounds like she has plenty of support and she’s just trying to guilt you into coming.

You’re the asshole for showing zero interest in her baby, you can still be cordial and spend time with her. How is she asking you to change your entire lifestyle by spending a couple hours with her here and there? Does it truly affect you that negatively to be around her now that she has a baby? If so I would question why. You can have a talk with her and explain that no, you still don’t want children and you would appreciate if she respected that and stopped saying you’ll change your mind but that you’ll still spend time with her. If she ever asks you to babysit you can say no, and explain why without making her feel like you hate her baby.

So unless you want to totally end the friendship, you need to be okay that she has a mini other half now AND make some sort of effort to tolerate being around that other half.

I’ve never been a kid person, but I did decide to start a family in my 30s with my husband, who is a wonderful father figure. I dunno, blame it on hormones. So while I love my own kids, I don’t care about anyone else’s. 😂 And I for sure didn’t call up my friends all the time asking for babysitting and what not. I vividly recall the first time a coworker (who loves kids) offered to babysit for us so we could go on a date night. Our son was a year old, and it was the first time one of us was not with the kid at all times. I wouldn’t dare think it would be cool to burden a friend with babysitting and such. It’s a huge chore, plus our kid was blessed with being a terror and that made it so much worse. 🤣. Like I don’t even feel comfortable asking people to dog sit, that’s no one’s responsibility but my own.

But for everyone like me, there’s like 10 others who think asking for favors and accommodations is totally normal, and they will take advantage every time you let them.

Good on you for establishing boundaries. That doesn’t make you a bad friend.

YTA she’s your supposed best friend but you aren’t interested or don’t like her child? That is weird. You don’t have to want children to treat them nicely or like human beings. Sounds like you don’t like kids (strange because we were all children once)
You don’t need to be a babysitter, or a second mum to just acknowledge her babies existence. I do agree the videos are too much but you could have told her that in a kinder way. Your friend is postpartum and very sensitive, this is probably one of the most vulnerable times in her life and you treated her like that? She’s learning to navigate a big change and she was probably just trying to involve you in the biggest moment of her life and her proudest moment and you shit all over it instead. Perhaps you should rethink your outlook and practice being more tolerant, it’s your choice to not have children and that’s ok but you aren’t entitled to a child free world.

Mostly NTA

I don’t see why it was so necessary that you be pew t at a group gathering with lots of other moms and babies to support her. A simple “No thanks – not my scene – enjoy your time with the other moms” should have sufficed.

I also think it’s fine to be clear that you have no desire to babysit, ever.

Having said that, the reality is that she is a mom with a baby. You are likely several years away from being able to get regular “adults only” time with her. So if you want to maintain the friendship, then you need to be open to spending time with her when her child is present. One good option might be going for long walks together with the baby in a stroller. The vibrations will often keep the baby content or lull them to sleep. You can bring coffee and have a good talk while getting some exercise.

She is shocked that it’s hard now?   A newborn is a lot of work on little sleep.  And that definitely alters the mood.  

NTA.  

She really should’ve prepared more.  People are all about getting a crib and all the other stuff.  They forget to properly stock up on a lot of ready made meals, and devise ways to get enough sleep. Usually with a grandparent or someone else being able to watch and tend to the child.  

That support network needs to be put into place before the baby comes.  With people who want to and are willing too. 

You’re not and that is totally fine.  Tell her you can talk more after she gets some sleep.  Her disregarding your boundaries is not cool though.  

My sister in law was like this. She once asked me if I wanted to come see/help her bathe her baby and I could think of nothing worse to do with my time ! I’ve held two babies in my life, I’ve never changed a diaper, never fed a baby , I have ZERO maternal inclinations or instincts. I kept saying no until she eventually left me alone. I don’t hate kids, some of them are a absolutely adorable and intelligent but I have no desire to take care of a baby in any form. I wish more people would respect a woman who has said they are childfree by choice and not try to force some bond just because they have a baby and I’m a woman .

I have a very very good friend. She is child free. I have 4 kids. She is uninterested in babies. When I had mine, she delivered meals a couple times a week for a while, still my firmed, after all! We still regularly did things together. She paid little attention to the babies, they just existed in parallel. Until they stared to talk, then she was interested in the talking. Once they were interested in books, she was all over reading to them. She read to them a ton. But, she never baby sat, although was available in an emergency. Now the kids are an adults, and she has independent relationships with all of them.

I will never understand why when you’ve made it known throughout your friendship that babies aren’t your thing and you don’t want kids yet they still throw their kids in your face constantly. I’m talking about my own experiences now but they sound very similar to yours. If someone doesn’t want kids or to be around kids, IT’S OKAY! It’s not a slight about their baby. Some people just genuinely don’t want them. It’s so strange to me that everyone gets so upset in arms about it. You are not wrong. I think it’s better to be honest than to just let the friendship drift away without anyone knowing why.

If the mom has known OP since college, I’m surprised that the mom didn’t already know OP’s feelings about not wanting kids. The friend probably knew but thought OP would eventually change her mind. New moms often forget that not everyone will be as enthusiastic about their baby’s daily milestones as they themselves feel.

I have many friends who either don’t have kids or don’t want them, and we still get together without babies. OP can reach out to her friend to express that she didn’t mean to hurt her feelings and that she’ll support her in various ways. OP NTA

Oh boo fucking hoo to her. Motherhood is very difficult. But YOU did not choose it. I’m sure in her mind the whole time she was pregnant she was already planning on you being a babysitter. I’ve lost a few friends because of this – if they aren’t asking me to watch the child they can’t shut up about the child when we are together out somewhere. Yes, I get it, you’re a mom now. But you also used to be a person with skills and talents and jokes and whatever else – letting motherhood take over your entire personality is just lame.

NTA for sure.

NTA- You did not criticize or belittle her choice to become a mother. You are allowed to make your own choices. You do not have to spend your Saturday surrounded by mothers and their kids. That actually sounds like a horrible time to me, too. Setting a boundary is not the same as abandoning someone. I’m sure she has plenty of people who would love to coo over and cuddle the baby. The person who she should be expecting to support her is the baby’s dad. Not you.

Yeah, YTA . You are either her friend or you aren’t. She has a responsibility to her kid and you can’t just expect her to spend childless-only time with you because you don’t like kids. You don’t have to “mother” her kid, but inevitably her kid will be there with her from now for the rest of her life. You are making it clear your dislike of kids is stronger than your friendship or willingness to be a friend.

You are who you are. If you don’t want to be involved you’ll likely lose her as a friend. My entire group of close friends literally dumped me when I got pregnant. I didn’t even ask them for anything either. They didn’t want to be around me and my son. They said it was too much drama, lol 🤣 I’m a very chill person btw, no drama from me! They were projecting. Oh well! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Absolutely 100% not the asshole here I cannot stand and I’m a mom of three when people try to push their children onto other people not everybody likes kids/babys! And no, you probably won’t change your mind at 29 years old absolutely not. I had my first child at 29 years old and I sometimes question whether or not I should’ve left the Auntie life at such an age.

NAH

You don’t want kids or to be around them and that’s your choice. You’re not required to be involved but I wouldn’t expect this friendship to last because she’s probably going to want to continue to share this part of her life with people close to her and I have little doubt that at some point she’ll just stop calling because you don’t want any part of it

NTA. You’ve made it very clear how you feel about kids and no one has the right to try and change that. Relationships change, so maybe you and Anna are evolving out of the friendship you used to have before she had a child. That’s no one’s fault, just a part of life changing sometimes. Step back from the friendship a bit before her cajoling becomes unbearable.

NTA. I think it’s absurd that you would even offer to pay for a babysitter. She chose to have a child which comes with time, financial and endless other obligations that are not your responsibility. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not wanting to be a second parent to someone else’s child. This is such a bizarre position to be put in by a friend. 

NTA I wish it was more socially acceptable to just say, “No, thank you. I don’t want to do that.”

But her life is going to be 99% kiddo for the foreseeable future. It’s probably not realistic to expect to have interactions with her anymore that don’t involve at least talking about the kid.

Soon to be mom here. NTA.

Parents need to realize that not everyone wants kids and that this isn’t just a fad. I am tired of people who assume that a baby or child will complete one’s life. Just coz you’re life revolves around your kid, doesn’t mean others should, too.

I can’t think of anything more inappropriate or self-centered than trying to force something on someone else when they have said they aren’t interested. Your friend’s goal is merely to make you do what she wants. That’s not friendship, that’s control.

YTA. True friendship means you’re there through thick and thin. Even if it’s stuff you don’t really want to deal with.

Do I enjoy helping people move? Hell no. But I help because that’s what is required of a friend sometimes.

The only offhand comment was the “you’ll change your mind” but im not understanding where she wants you to be a second mom. She’s sending pics and gushing over her baby but where is she trying to push responsibilities on you?

nta but i will say, i didn’t like kids until my bestie had her first. i still don’t want one but i adore her kiddos, and love been an aunt to them. however shes never told me ill want my own (she knows i dont)

It sort of seems like she may be more into the friendship than you are and your actions with gifts etc are confusing frankly as those aren’t actions of someone not fully invested imo.

NTA.

I’m the same as you: don’t have one, don’t want one, don’t want to be holding or looking after someone else’s. I’m just not wired that way either.

Now, if it was puppies…

Now, it is not like you called the baby ugly. People refuse to take hints, until the finally annoy you to the point you will say almost anything to get them to shut up.

Nta

My “best friend” constantly goes on about how much she hates children, so we don’t see each other or have a relationship anymore 😊

NTA.
She’s deliberately ignoring your boundaries. If she was a good friend she’d respect your feelings.

NTA. She kept pushing this on you when you tried to tell her that you’re not interested.

Are you jealous because somebody wanted to have kids with her but not with you?

Congratulations

You destroyed your friendship with this woman. YTAH

As someone who was the same way but now has a stepdaughter, NTA.

She can’t stop being a mother. You ended the friendship.

You’ve never even MET her kid???? YTA.

Yes, YTA. Be a friend, for godssake

NTA.

Not everyone is a baby person.