Fuck your husband, fuck that bitch, and fuck your family. Hate her all you want, but when you feel you’re ready, let it go. It’ll hurt you more than them in the long run. Also I highly doubt that he wasn’t her doctor for some procedure, however small, so if you wanted to make sure, especially since he doesn’t work at the hospital anymore…you could explain what happened and they can look into it. If they need to, they make a referral to the ethics committee at the state hospital boards as they cannot ethically date patients. Did he ever explain how he met her if he wasn’t her doctor? Cancer patients generally don’t wander around the hospital looking for dates.I would guess he switched hospitals to avoid colleagues and bosses realizing his relationship with a cancer patient from their hospital.

Two different issues. 1) Doesn’t matter who she is or that she was ill. Love is a choice. He made a commitment to you. He broke that choice. Your anger at both is justifiable. But for your own sanity, you need to forgive both and move, but not without your getting spousal and child support if indicated for the divorce decree/judgement at court 2);As others have said, while he may not have been her physician, I suspect he is lying and that he was. Whether to take action and report this to his medical board and let them find out is up to you.

You are definitely not the asshole. You are the victim here. Yes, it’s lovely that she’s in remission. But you were/are married and she is the other woman. You’re allowed to have feelings and you can hate her. You don’t have to be rational about any of this. Your sister sucks btw. Your life is being upended. There is nothing sweet about your husband breaking his vows and stepping out on your marriage. Get all your ducks in a row and get a good lawyer. Make sure you get everything you are entitled to.

I don’t understand hating her. She had no relationship with you, nor did she owe you loyalty. Their affair is not her fault. It is solely his. If it hadn’t been her it would have been someone else. He probably has a white knight complex and “she needed me” is what he bleats in self-defense. It is bull. All the blame is his. And there is no excuse. He should have confessed when he felt the urge, Talked to you, respected you and your vows to one another. Not cheated. No one put a gun to his head.

NTA

You are allowed to hate her. Having cancer doesn’t make you a good person. Not to be political but a certain orange coloured president…it wouldn’t make him a good person.

You are fully allowed to resent her and you owe her nothing. But leave it at this. Everything else will make you more unhappy and they both do not sound like it’s worth you time and energy.

“Oh my God he’s such a hero falling in love with this poor woman and she’s such a great fighter having the courage to love someone while having cancer, such a perfect love story”

NTA they’re cheaters whether someone is dying or not, and respectfully fuck the people around you, if you can and have the means, take a vacation away from all of them for a few decades

Trash people can also get cancer. Just because someone gets cancer and then gets well doesn’t mean their personality just goes away. Your STB ex is also garbage. What is with your family? Why don’t they like you enough to support you? It seems like you live surrounded by garbage. You should consider changing the people around you to non-garbage people.

You’re allowed to hate the woman. Even if she shits unicorns and rainbows.

Your divorce will suck, and it will probably take far more time and cost far more money than it ought to, but in the end, eventually, you will be happy again and not think of this at all. It’s a process.

You’ll be great. I promise.

He has some image of her now in his head that he made up. He will soon se that he in fact, probably does not love her. My bet is they are broken up within a year. Do not take him back, in fact take him for all he’s got and never speak to him again. What an asshole. Your sister sucks too

You have been betrayed. You’re allowed to feel hurt, anger, the whole nine. You’re allowed to not like the woman he left you for. This has nothing to do with cancer. And you hating her for ruining your family life doesn’t mean you wish ill on her. You’re entirely justified. 

You are entitled to your feelings, whatever they may be.

But how does her being at his hospital and him being a doctor have any relevance if she wasn’t there when he worked there and he was never her doctor? How did they meet then? The math isn’t mathing.

Unfortunaly we are almost Wired to find cheating in the “right” situation as romantic, blame on the romcons. I am só Sorry for you, hate her with ALL your hearth for now and the ler It go to find Your peace.

NTA. You can hate the woman who was involved in breaking up your marriage!!! Your ex and her deserve each other & you just got a lucky break. Your sister is a major AH as well as the cheating pair.

Cancer doesn’t discriminate. Good people get cancer. Evil people get cancer too. I hope the cancer never comes back. And I hope they’re very unhappy together

I’m so sorry about this betrayal OP

NTA she is the reason your marriage is ending. You can still hate her and him without wishing shit on them. Your feelings are valid. And cut off those who don’t support you and your heartbreak.

He’s really using his lover’s cancer history to glorify his cheating and soften his image to outsiders. The fact OP feels shame over this is so sad. Gross. Op, you are NOT the AH

No you can hate her. Having cancer doesn’t make you a good person. You can be an asshole and also be sick. You’re being nicer than I would be, honestly, for even questioning it.

NTA. What does her diagnosis have to do with him and her committing adultery? Why should that factor into the betrayal of your husband? It’s not romantic. It’s cheating.

Most of my family would be cut off if they were not on my side and didn’t see anything wrong with this. You have every right to feel the way you do. Eff all of them.

NTA though most of your hate needs to be directed towards your ex who is the cheater. He broke your marriage vows. Your family is awful for not supporting you.

Not an asshole but misplaced hate. She wasn’t involved in your wedding vows. He was! He is the one you were/are married to. He chose to cheat. Hate him!!

It’s ok to hate both of them, actually. Whatever you feel is valid. Her having cancer doesn’t absolve either of them for their shitty behaviour.

NTA. Why does her having cancer factor into this at all? Your husband sucks. She sucks. They both do and you deserve better. F that b.

Having cancer or an illness doesn’t give you a hallpass to be a bad human being. People who enable this behaviour are also assholes.

NTA.

I’d drop any moron who thought adultery was beautiful and romantic.

Having cancer doesn’t excuse her being a cheating hobag.

You are entitled to feel however you feel about both her and your husband. They did the wrong thing. And your sister is a twit.

Why would you hate her? If you need to be mad at someone be mad at your husband for reneging on the vows he made to you.

Your sibling thinks it’s romantic. My sibling would have hired a hitman. Different strokes for different folks I guess??

NTA If she knew you existed then that’s cnut move, cancer or not it’s a cnut move.
Also ex is a cnut also.

I wouldn’t care if she were a quadraplegic -I’d still hate her. You can’t reason with love and hate.

dude cancer isnt something you can take guilt tripped for just to date someone. DEFINITELY NTA.

Your husband is the one in the wrong. If not her, it wouldbe been someone else.

Why are most of your family not pissed at him? What are you not telling us?

Fuck all of them. I hope you find a awesome partner that doesn’t hurt you.

I would hate her forever cancer is no excuse for what she has done

I’m an oncologist. U should hate her. She wrecked your life 

NTA.
You can be terminally ill or dying and still be an AH.

NTA sounds like your husband is a dbag lol

damn

Does your family even like you?