But beneath the surface, old tensions simmered, waiting for a spark. When the mother finally shared her painful story, her scars laid bare in photos and words, the ripples of their ordeal reached beyond their home. What began as a silent guardianship spiraled into a renewed battle—one where love, loss, and the fight for understanding collided again, long before the shadow of a global crisis had even touched their lives.
My wife gave birth to our son November 2019. She had a very complicated pregnancy and ended up needing an emergency c-section which we were aware could happen. We had talked about it for a while and she admitted hating the thought she would be the last to hold our son.
So when he was born and she was still unconscious I did not allow anyone in our families to hold him, or even meet him really. They saw me but that was about it. She was unconscious for four days but thankfully recovered and was able to meet and hold our son.
It was about a day after everyone else got to meet and hold him for the first time. Our families were upset but nothing really kicked off except for my mom and sister who were kinda pushy about it.
Then around January we had an incident. My wife put up some photos of her holding our son for the first time and talked about how traumatic the birth had been and wanted to raise awareness of how dangerous pregnancy and birth can be and basically just saying how grateful she was to have them both be okay.
My mom and sister then really started acting like kids. Saying it wasn’t fair and we robbed them of those first few days with their grandson/nephew. I told them plenty of people meet grandkids and nieces/nephews days or even weeks or months after birth and had this been Covid times it would not have happened for a lot longer.
But they said I was selfish and should not have done that just because my wife couldn’t meet or hold our baby.
I am only conflicted on this because someone else suggested I robbed our son of having more interaction early on and I should have thought of him over my wife’s feelings on the whole thing and while most of me is screaming hell no, I wanted to see what a bunch of internet strangers would think.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing conflict because they prioritized their wife’s emotional needs regarding their newborn son’s first interactions following a traumatic birth. The central clash is between the OP’s decision to protect his wife’s experience and the strong feelings of his mother and sister, who believe they were unfairly denied crucial early bonding time with the baby.
Was the OP justified in restricting family access to the newborn to protect his wife’s immediate emotional recovery and desire to be the first to hold him, or did this action unfairly deprive the child of early interaction and cause unnecessary offense to close family members?
Here’s how people reacted:
Serious question, how much of your first couple of days do *you* remember? Do you remember all the people who were there? The doctors, nurses, visiting family members? Probably not/none because *babies lack object permanence and long term memory*.
You’ve denied your son nothing. His life will be genuinely unaffected by the fact that your family didn’t get to hold him immediately after exiting your wife.
Also, this part?
> they said I was selfish and should not have done that just because my wife couldn’t meet or hold our baby.
Your family isn’t mad you “denied your son”. They’re pissed that you denied *them* the opportunity to hold your son before your wife got to despite your wife potentially being on death’s door. They literally do not care that your wife couldn’t meet her own child. They wanted to be the *first* to bond with your son so bad they’re calling *you* selfish for thinking of your *wife’s* wants and needs.
A ***resounding*** NTA, and you should *probably* keep an eye on how your mom and sister treat you and your wife after this. Specificly how they treat your wife
**NTA** in any event (your mom and sister have zero rights in this situaton and are embarrassing themselves by complaining about this, online no less, where other people can witness how selfish and childish they are being). But I do hope, in the interest of getting a good start in life, you were able to hold him. Contact (especially skin to skin, if it is available, and able to happen) is a great thing for a newborn.
Congratulations!! I’m glad your wife is on the mend, and that the three of you can enjoy now being a family together. Such a happy time!!
When I awoke and finally held her, she had already been bathed and my parents had held her. Now, I’m not holding anything against my parents or husband. They didn’t think anything of it. Still, 20 years later when I see the first pictures of my daughter with my husband and parents and I’m not there, it stings a bit.
Your wife went through a traumatic birth experience, and I think any of us would feel equally as devastated if we couldn’t hold our baby for days. You were supporting your wife and respecting her desire of not being the last one to hold your son. I get that your mom and sis were upset for not being allowed to meet their grandson/nephew, but that wasn’t their decision and they need to respect, and truthfully, get over it.
Good for you, op for standing up for your wife, and not allowing something that would deeply upset her, to happen.
What? Your mother and sister need to check themselves. They think they should have the right to hold the baby before his own mother??? I highly doubt your son is going to devastated or that affected by the lack of “interaction early on”
No. Your wife didn’t want to be the last to hold him, and it’s your child. You two come first.
Mother & father >>>> anyone else really in this situation.
NTA. NTA. NTA.
They lost nothing waiting a few days. This was profoundly important to your wife, who endured a great deal of physical trauma bringing him into the world. Of course you needed to honour her wishes.
You robbed your son of nothing. Those who are complaining are being incredibly obnoxious and selfish. Perhaps they don’t need to see your son at all.
Like at all
They are only entitled to what you and your wife allow them to be entitled too
You did a sweet thing for your wife
They can either suck it up or they can’t just not interact with your son again
Your wife’s wishes and happiness take priority over others in this situation.
It’s only right that aside from the medical professionals on hand that mum and dad be the first to physically handle the kid.
Edit: And it is obvious that some priority should be given to the mother.