Meanwhile, a neighbor caught in the throes of unemployment offers what little time and kindness they have, navigating their own battles while trying to be a small anchor in her storm. When asked for a ride to a nearby appointment, the unspoken weight of that request reveals the fragile threads holding their community together, threads stretched thin by unseen hardships.
So, I have a friendly neighbour that lives with her two adults sons. They are all just trying to get by. The three of them share one car, usually in use by one of the sons to get to work.
My neighbour is disabled and needs to occasionally go to medical appointments. Usually she transports herself there or her kids give her a ride, but sometimes work schedules prevent her from accessing the shared car.
Our city isn’t very bus-friendly either, and my neighbour can’t stand for more than 20 minutes at a time, so busing is an option but very hard.
I am also unemployed (layoff), but I don’t exactly have free time: I’m been applying to jobs like it’s a full-time job in and of itself. I will occasionally help her with picking up something up or being dropped off 5 minutes away.
My neighbour asked me last month to drive her TO a medical appointment, which was 15 minutes away, so already 30 minutes of my time, which is generous already IMO. She didn’t tell me she needed a ride home until the day of, and I “needed” to therefore wait until 45-60 minutes until her appointment was done.
This now took two hours out of my morning that I could have used for resume and cover letter writing, or even just simply life stuff, and I really didn’t appreciate not being told this portion when I’m already going out of my bloody way.
I was able to bring my laptop to work in the car, but I’m seriously pissed off about the undisclosed info, and this feels like such a huge overreach of time, and that my generosity was taken advantage — because who is going to say yes to sitting around waiting for someone’s turn in sluggish health care system?
I told her something along the lines of “Hey, so I wasn’t told I’d be waiting for your medical appointment to finish, and I don’t have that kind of time.” And she scoffed at me, ranted about her disability and welfare situation and how hard it is to “not have a village,” and basically called me privileged because I’m a white collar professional and homeowner, that my two hours isn’t really an inconvenience compared to what she’s going through, and that I’m foolish for thinking that dropping her off wouldn’t include waiting and picking her up.
I feel like she’s being ridiculous. Yes, I can technically make the time work, just like how she can technically get her sons to take time off work or ride the bus. But am I really supposed to show up for people in her circumstance this way?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels that their neighbor took advantage of their offer of help by failing to disclose the need for a return trip and extended waiting time, leading to a significant, uncompensated use of the OP’s limited time. The neighbor, conversely, leveraged her significant disability and lack of support systems to justify the imposition, viewing the OP’s time as less valuable due to their current employment status and home ownership.
Was the OP justified in feeling that their generosity was exploited by the lack of upfront communication regarding the total time commitment, or was the neighbor’s difficult life situation, including her disability and lack of transport alternatives, sufficient justification for assuming the ride included the return journey? Where should the line be drawn between neighborly support and personal boundary enforcement when one party is in genuine need?
Here’s how people reacted:
It is a massive ask and I would be annoyed if someone asked me because it puts a person into an awkward situation where they have to oblige or look like an asshole. Maybe I’d do it once, but there’s no way I’d want to be relied on for this. Based on the woman’s reaction to OP politely declining, it seems that she expected him to be her taxi from now on.
Noone owes multiple hours of their day to their neighbour, disabled, poor or otherwise. Also, being disabled and poor doesn’t excuse entitled behaviour from the neighbour.
if you wanted to do something tho, maybe you can help her find a local elderly care & services group who offer transportation services. Or a gift card for a ride/taxi service.
“Scoffing and ranting” at the person who just helped her out hugely is rude.
Good luck in the search. Doing that is indeed a full time job!
> ranted about her disability and welfare situation and how hard it is to “not have a village,”
That sucks for **_her_**, but it could not be less **_your_** business.
> sometimes work schedules prevent her from accessing the shared car.
She’s free to get *her own* vehicle.
Or, like, use fucking Uber.
She asked you. You could have said no. But you did not. Additionally how would she get home from the medical appointment you took her too?
Sure your neighbor should be finding other transportation but again you could have just said no in the first place.
She probably feels very angry at the universe and “the powers that be.” You’re a convenient representative that she can direct her anger at.
However, she doesn’t need to rely on you. Her insurance will pay for transport to appts. So she needs to utilize that.