When her sister-in-law’s family is thrust into sudden homelessness, the couple opens their basement suite, hoping to provide sanctuary. But trust frays quickly as a favor turns into frustration, exposing vulnerabilities beneath the surface of their carefully managed household and challenging the very bonds they sought to protect.
I (F38) am the primary breadwinner for my household. My husband (42) is semi retired due to an injury at work.
He is a great husband and has taken over all the housework that needs to be done during the day. We share all the duties when I’m not working.
Recently his sister, her husband, and their two teen kids lost their home. We have a rental suite in our basement that we just use as a family area so we agreed to let them live there.
Because I’m paranoid I had them sign a lease.
A few days ago my husband had an opportunity to do some consulting at his old work. He loves doing it because it gets him out of the house and he gets to see his old coworkers and friends.
It was short notice so we hadn’t arranged babysitting. We asked his sister to watch our youngest for the day so he could go work and she agreed.
She then delegated the task to her 13 year old son. Then she had her nap.
The kid didn’t want to disturb his mom during her nap so he banged on my door while I was working to change a diaper. Fair enough, if I were a 13 year old boy I might not feel comfortable changing a baby girl.
I asked where his mom was and he said she was napping. I woke her up and told her that she had agreed to watch her niece and to do so.
I waited for my husband to get home and we discussed his family. We decided together that they needed to start paying the amount on the lease, leave, or start helping around the house.
We took all the kids over to my MIL”s house then we sat them down and had a talk. We gave them their options.
They said I was an asshole for tricking them into signing a lease agreement and then not collecting it so I could evict them. I said that wasn’t the only choice. I said that she was the one who chose to lay of a responsibility on a child.
I said that I was basically the one supporting her and if she couldn’t help then she had to give me money or leave.
Some further information
Neither her nor her husband have jobs right now. They are buying groceries with his unemployment benefits.
I set up the lease because of horror stories I have heard about people claiming to be tenants.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) and her husband established clear boundaries regarding the housing arrangement, which the sister ultimately violated by delegating childcare to a minor. The conflict centers on the sister feeling entitled to free housing and services while refusing to meet the agreed-upon financial or household contributions, leading the OP to enforce the terms of the lease.
When considering the sister’s claim of being tricked by the lease, should the OP have prioritized maintaining familial goodwill over securing her financial interests, especially given her role as the primary earner, or was enforcing the lease terms a necessary response to the blatant disrespect of the agreed-upon arrangement?
Here’s how people reacted:
If the story you’re telling was the only incident, then the reasonable thing to do would be to talk to them about how you were counting on them to help since you were working and why it can’t be the way it was. Not immediately go “well you didn’t do things right this one time so please start paying rent even though it was implicit that you wouldn’t need to do so”.
It sounds to me that you aren’t happy with them living at your home in the first place. Which is fine and fair, but then discuss the situation based on that, not as if it were all about this one incident.
Edit: Also this sub has way too many people who have to read the rules about what you should/shouldn’t downvote. Every time I post something that isn’t the major opinion it gets downvoted to oblivion and I assume it happens to others as well. Kinda defeats the point when every divergent opinion gets immediately buried as if it were spam.
They have a lease: They’re tenants. Trying to make their lease dependent on being willing to do unpaid babysitting etc isn’t on.
If you want your SIL (or 13-year-old nephew, who should be shown how to change a nappy) to do babysitting or other household chores for you, this should be negotiated separately and paid for by you. Maybe not at market rate – you’re family and doing them a favour – but it should be clearly separate from their lease.
You cannot move someone into your home and expect them to work for you unpaid in exchange for shelter, unless you have CLEARLY negotiated this in advance, not sprung it upon them at a later date.
So they expected to live there for free indefinitely, without you ever having the possibility of evicting them? That’s ridiculous.
However, is a lease that you don’t collect the best option? Wouldn’t you still have to pay tax on this income, even if you don’t collect it in reality?
Anyway, these people sound like entitled AHs and don’t deserve your help. NTA.
If so, I find it strange how the commenter are focused on them breaking the lease. Sure, technically, they are, but only because you told them to do so.
There’s absolutely nothing unreasonable about this. The fact that they are protesting this arrangement and demanding free lodging is a sign that you should just ask them to leave right now.
NTA
And good for you for setting up that lease. That was an extremely smart move.
Good on you for having the foresight to have a lease agreement.
The horror stories are real and way too many people take advantage of the kindness of their family and friends.
They are two adults. Either they pay rent or they move out.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
NTA
You’re only choosing to act on the lease because she took a nap. So for that YTA.
It’s good that you got them documented so they cannot claim as tenants or turn into squatters later.
You did give them options, so you’re in the right.
Although I feel like “delegating” responsibility one time shouldn’t be the last straw here, I have the feeling that this wasn’t an isolated incident.