In the quiet moments of confrontation, the mother stands firm, determined to teach her child the importance of respect—not just for authority, but for kindness and humility. Each stern talk, each consequence, is a step toward shaping character, a testament to the fierce love that drives a parent to raise their children with both compassion and strength.
I have 3 kids: 6, 4 and nearly a year old. When I was pregnant with my youngest, I hired a sitter to pick the other two up from school and watch them.
We really liked her and appreciated her. My eldest loved her babysitter but she began to develop a huge attitude. I know one of her friends has a nanny who she’s basically allowed to boss around with little consequence.
We told my daughter that her sitter is in charge and she’s to respect her, not demand things of her. A few months ago, the sitter asked my daughter to grab the baby’s diaper bag and my daughter sassed back saying “You can’t tell me what to do, I’m the boss of you!” Sitter told me that night and I immediately addressed it, in front of the sitter.
I told my daughter that was not acceptable, she’s not the boss of anyone and I took away her TV privilege for a week. It happened again just a month later and I had a much sterner talk with her, took away more privileges.
Both times I made her verbally apologize and write a note of apology to her sitter. The sitter accepted it but I could tell she was losing patience. I didn’t blame her and ended up giving her a raise out of guilt.
I also stopped arranging playdates for her and the friend who treated her nanny terribly (they don’t go to the same school, so they don’t see each other at all anymore).
I’ll add I did try talking with my daughter calmly and asking why she felt this was okay. She’d say “We pay her, I’m her boss”. And I said no, that’s not true. I said she is hired to take care of her and deserved respect.
My daughter would always seem to understand.
Well, things came to a head a few weeks ago. My daughter was acting up, sitter had tried several de-escalation tactics but finally told her to go have quiet time in her room. My daughter screamed in her face “I’m the boss of you!
I’ll get you fired!” The sitter calmly picked up the phone and called me (we have cameras in our house-which she knew about) and told me to come home, immediately. Upon arrival, she quit.
Nothing I said or did could make her stay, and I understood. I was furious with my daughter and let her have it. She had several things taken away from her and she didn’t do anything remotely fun until recently.
This whole thing has left us in a bind. Luckily, the school that my younger two go to is open later, so I can pick them up when I get off work. I’ve been scrambling to find a new sitter but in the meantime, I got my daughter into an afterschool program.
Because there’s no more sitter, there’s no one to take her to her swim class. She’s been complaining that she can’t do it anymore and I told her that it’s her own fault. She is why her sitter quit and until I can find someone new, she won’t get to do the fun activities that her sitter took her to.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faced a significant conflict when their six-year-old daughter repeatedly challenged the authority of the hired sitter, viewing the payment arrangement as a basis for superiority and disrespect. Despite the OP implementing increasing disciplinary measures, including consequences and apologies, the behavior escalated until the sitter felt compelled to quit immediately, leaving the family scrambling for childcare solutions.
The core question remains whether the disciplinary actions taken against a six-year-old, who fundamentally misunderstood the nature of employment and respect, were appropriate, or if the severity of the consequence (losing activities) unduly punished the child for a behavior rooted in miscommunication and exposure to poor examples. Is the current punitive approach the most effective way to teach necessary respect for service providers, or did the response fail to address the underlying boundary confusion?
Here’s how people reacted:
YTA, your kid is 6. Sure they are old enough to understand consequences but nothing that your child did was developmentally inappropriate for her age, nor were they things that couldn’t have been dealt with in a patient manner.
Having kids tests your nerves. I’ve got a 9 year old and a 7 year old. It doesn’t get easier. It gets only harder. Saying “this is all your fault, you’re a brat” is absolutely not the way to approach this.
Maybe sit down. Apologize for how you spoke to her (yes apologize. Apologizing to kids when you are wrong is incredibly Important and teaches personal responsibility and the ability to admit they were wrong in the future) , and explain what you really meant.
Tell your 6 year old when she treats people bad and makes them feel bad they might not want to be around her. And that the way she treated her babysitter made her feel bad. Cite specific examples “remember when you said this” “remember when you did this”
(Adding: once your child acknowledges she did something wrong, and she made the sitter feel bad, then bring up missing out on swimming as a consequence of that because no she has to go to aftercare elsewhere. And that when you do find a new sitter she can go back to swimming but she’s going to have to try really hard and treat her new baby sitter the way she wants people to treat her so she doesn’t miss out on it anymore)
Instill empathy instead of shame in your child while still framing what happend as a consequence of how she acted.
I will always recommend reading and research on child development.
Your daughter is old enough to understand, but she is not old enough to be shamed into compliance without lasting psychological effects.
Child hating reddit back at it again with blaming the actions of adults on children and over estimating a fucking 6 year olds ability to cope with being told her adult caretaker hated her so much she left. Seriously, stay the fuck away from kids. All of you.
Editted to add: I’m guessing your daughter is in kindergarten. If you disagree with what I wrote, I challenge you to consult the school psychologist and tell them exactly what you wrote here and see what they think.
Was there more to this besides a 6 year old throwing a fit and saying “I’m the boss of you” a few times? Like yes that’s rude and inappropriate but so are 6 year olds. Sounds like you did a good job in trying to reign in that behavior but if that was the only thing wrong, it sounds like the babysitter overreacted. Calling the parents and demanding they rush home asap so you can quit because a child yelled something not nice (that she probably doesn’t even fully comprehend at this point)?
If your sitter quit because the kid was having one outburst a month, she probably shouldn’t have a job with kids. If daughter was constantly a brat and that’s what drove the sitter away that’s another story
The consequences before didn’t work and now the impact of her actions is bothering her. She is old enough to know now that her actions had consequences and this is why she can’t go to her fun activities.
Sincerely, a former “troublesome” 6-year-old who remembers being six.
Personally, I think pointing out that not being able to go swim is a direct result if not having a sitter and that not having a sitter is a result of her behavior is a good example of natural consequences. And when you get a new sitter, I would carefully go over appropriate behavior again.
I would want to have a plan with the new sitter for if she tries the same tactics again.
Your daughter is 6 and you would lay that kind of shame on her? You’re totally the AH. She’s a child behaving like a child who is still learning to navigate the world. And you’re joining her there by behaving with a similar maturity level.
YOU hired a babysitter not appropriately equipped to deal with your daughter. That’s NOT your daughter’s fault.
I have a 6 year old daughter too, she’s headstrong with a big attitude – hang in there. NTA.
~~Edit: maybe no more visits to the bossy friend until she starts to behave.~~