INFO: I’ll take the inevitable downvotes, I’d just love an answer to the question. **How involved were you in babycare during those 6 months?**

I got downvoted below for speculating about this, but this post raises questions. (I’m married to an awesome dad. I’m not anti-man and I don’t assume dads are not involved.) So why did I wonder here?

(1) OP literally doesn’t even mention *thinking* about taking the baby with him as he escapes from his abusive and raging wife.

(2) OP refuses to *hold his own child* because he’s worried it will make him want to go back to his wife. What? Why can’t you just hold your baby as a father? (Why would you not want to?)

(3) OP says nothing whatsoever about caring for his child. It sounds like the choice is return to wife or leave them both. Hard to see an involved father presenting things that way.

(4) SO yeah. What kind of woman suddenly turns on her husband when she brings home a baby? Usually 1 of 2 kinds: a wife with PPD, or a wife who has suddenly seen that her husband is not actually going to parent their baby.

It sounds like both you and your wife are struggling and need help . Her from PPD and you the trauma of being the target of her mental health crisis. But here is the thing, if her primary target is gone where will her outlet be? Herself or your child! I am not telling you to set yourself up to be thrown in jail but first and foremost that is your child. Next your wife is still in there she needs help. You need to be regularly seeing your child, checking on the situation and if need be taking the baby and making some calls. Take somebody other than your MIL with you. Don’t be alone with your wife. Yes you do owe your wife something as well. Kindly bring up the changes that seem more than the normal struggles of new motherhood. Bring up post partum. Suggest starting with her doctor. Yes cover your behind but your child comes first and your wife needs help. This is not about you.

Have mil get your wife to a midwife, nurse, Dr.. and checked for PND. You need to do the same.

NTA.. you need your time to get your head around it all. Right now neither of you should be alone but also not alone together… I think her mum helping her would work for now and you at your friends place. Hopefully some counseling and maybe meds will help her.. idk how that’s going to be with you, even not herself, it doesn’t change that it happened and that’ll now be your biggest worry. You’ll both need to sit down and talk eventually. Take a few or so days to gather your thoughts. Keep in touch with mil.. go from there.

Also we’re always here lol … Do go ask about PND for yourself too ok, it can and does affect dad’s too .. this is all definitely new baby territory so they’ll have a much greater understanding.

Take care

I can understand your fear, too many men have had their lives ruined when they had done nothing wrong. It is also true that she may have had a postpartum psychotic break but that still leaves you at risk even though her being out of control might not be her fault. I would say talk to her but with more than one witness there because MIL is likely to side with her daughter if she gets nasty and does call the police. You need backup to protect yourself. I would also say that when you talk to her make sure it is in a neutral, public place where others can see what goes on but maybe far enough away not to listen in. That way it can’t be a he said, she said case.

YTA and I struggle to believe this is written by an adult. It sounds like it was written by a child whos parent has just threatened to call the cops because they didn’t eat their vegetables.

Grown ups don’t run away from their family because of an idle threat, even if it is made in anger. They especially don’t when it is made by a woman who has just birthed your child, is stuggling with hormones, is overwhelmed, and probably scared of her feelings.

You don’t have to be her verbal punching bag, but you do have to behave like the father you are and have a grown-up conversation rather than bury your head in the sand. That is why YTA.

NTA but like everyone said, that baby is in danger. You need to text everyone you know that you are scared for the babies safety and your own. If you know which doctor she sees, or babies pediatrician, call em up and tell them you had to leave for your own safety and are worried about the baby.          

I’d tell them your wife hasn’t been right since coming home, she’s yelling and screaming and threatening you. Leave out the cops bit for now. They might tell you to call the cops on her, if they tell you that go ahead and do it. Your wife ain’t right and you owe the baby a safe place. Safe is not with her right now. 

You should reconsider.

My ex-wife had a post natal breakdown as well. Was not hatred toward me but didn’t do shit (not even taking care of the baby). And she could not stand to touch me (or me to touch her).

It all settle down after a while (3-4 months in my case). Never dived into details but some relatives explained it can happen. Some kind of mental breakdown that she can’t control.

That being said, at first avoid being alone with her. While in that state you never know what could happen and what you might get accused of. So, for the time being only with witness or video.

Im not saying stay away but be careful. I had someone do that to me. We had an argument and he was just yelling like crazy started threatening to call the police. I stayed bc i thought okay? Do it the police won’t arrest me i didnt even do anything. I was wrong. He ended up paying all my legal bills bc he felt awful about it when he became stable. But i lost my job and work in the medical field but can never work in it again. Get her help but have someone help you help her

Having a child is shocking, for you both.
I’m not saying that she is right, or you, I honestly believe you both are under so much stress.

Remember that your wife maybe experiencing postpartum depression, hormones are a tricky thing, she should see a psychiatrist, and both of you should go to therapy.

She did broke a line that she shouldn’t, but also I think she is like you said, not herself, maybe reconsider

Yes you are being the AH. You tolerated a lot? I’m pretty sure she was the one that had the child, so physically mentally emotional etc… she’s going through the most and your job is to stick with her and be supportive not walk out when she snaps smh. She obviously has postpartum depression and you running away makes it worse. How disappointing smh. 🤦🏽‍♀️ very selfish. She deserves better and the baby

Although I understand your reaction, there is a huge chance your wife is having serious mental problems from the birth. She need medical help, and therapy ASAP. You and your MIL need ato take her to hospital, and not let her leave until she have been given help.

And when she gets better, she cAn take accountability for what she have said and done. But first she needs to get better.

She is obviously suffering with some sort of post parkrun depression, I remembered after having my baby feeling that I couldn’t stand my husband I told my friend and she was like ‘we all hate our husbands 3 months postpartum ‘, I understand you are also struggling with mental health but you guys need to talk for the baby’s sake and seek out some help and support.

So what’s your plan here? You never going to hold your own child again? Already crazy enough that you’re planning to just end what you said used to be a perfect marriage over one comment during what is a stressful time for any new parents. But you’re going even farther than that, you seem ready to also abandon your own child. So based on all that, YTA.

If she wants a chat do it in a public place. I would also try and get custody of your child till she sees a doc or if she has her mum living with her just to make sure.
She may be suffering from the mental thing after birth that I can’t remember the name of. If she is verbally abusing you I am concerned about your child.

You refused to hold your baby because you’re afraid you’ll want to go back and be an in-person parent again? Dude. Your wife is clearly having mental issues and needs a serious intervention, but you’re failing to grasp that her behavior isn’t about you. By staying away you’re only punishing your kid, which is not cool.

Is your wife ok? An extreme change in personality after having a baby could be a sign of postnatal depression/postpartum depression. I understand you’re scared. But you can’t not bond with your child for fear. Because even if you don’t go back to your wife, surely you want your child in your life?

Nta

You have a child you cant cut ties entirely even if you end the marriage you mist co parent going forward.

That being said i would not go back to someone who attempted or threatened to weaponize police against me. Thats just gonna become their go to going forward.

NTA for staying away, but your wife needs help for PPS and you have a MIL who can get get that help, why are you hiding out? That baby is not safe, that is your child. The situation sucks, but you are the AH for not pushing your wife to get help

This sounds like post-partum depression or psychosis. Call her mother and let her know that she needs a referral for therapy or she can ask her OB/Gyn to start something and refer her to psych. Either way, this cannot wait. Good luck to you!

Do not leave your kid with her alone. If MIL is there, maybe but if she changed drastically, she needs help. Please do not ignore this, she could kill your kid (I really hope not). This is higher grade than Reddit can give you.

sounds like PPD you need to get her help and get help for yourself as well. abandoning a young child is an asshole thing to do. but your safety matters. you need to both get help. i feel like there is some context missing but

Your wife is exhibiting postpartum psychosis symptoms. She needs mental health care ASAP. 

But overall. Yes YTA. you have a child. Refusing to hold her and care for your kid is fucked up. Get your wife into a hospital stat 

So try to hear your story. What would be the happiness I n your life is becoming the hell….
From a distance, it’s so difficult to help you ..hope everything will be good soon for you..

It sounds like you both need some mental health supports. This post just screams PPD, possibly in both of you. NAH

See a doctor OP, and have someone encourage your wife to do the same.

you can’t just dump your kid, and marriage is for better or worse so why wouldn’t you try to work through it? maybe come up with a plan for the issues you are both having.

Ur wife had a breakdown after pressing UR child out her ass and U r the one crying now??? Ur not a man sry but never saw such a weakness before

I would talk to her and say that in order for you to move back, camera’s needed to be placed in each room and you both need to go for therapy

It sounds like she might have post partum psychosis, she needs an emergency psychiatric assessment, like today. Your baby may be in danger

Reddit is a shithole. You’re not really gonna feel better about anything interacting with these guys. Most of us are here for the drama

Your wife is having a very bad bout of PPD. Struggling with the hormones and the shock.
But by all mean make this all about you.

Start with having an intermediary sit with both of you. Don’t be alone with her. You don’t trust her, so I would be scared too.

I don’t know whether to be annoyed or flabbergasted that people are still so ignorant about post partum issues.

Typical female victim. Be careful man, she sounds like the kind of girl that withdraws consent after the matter

Post partum depression. She is suffering badly. Have MIL go stay with her to keep baby safe

File for custody.

Reason being: Wife is currently displaying mental issues.

OP is exaggerating what’s going on is my first read.

Good luck with that.

YTA- You say you snapped and then your wife threatened to call the cops.

Have the MIL get her daughter checked for post partum psychosis ASAP

Crazy day, huh? Bots stepping up their gaslight game.