Caught in a storm of deceit and raw emotion, she faces the agonizing choice between the love she once knew and the pain that now defines her reality. The scars of betrayal run deep, and the journey toward healing is fraught with uncertainty and sorrow.
I (30F) have been married to my husband, Mark (32M), for five years. We’ve had our ups and downs, but overall, I thought we had a solid relationship. Recently, my mom (55F) moved in with us temporarily due to some financial issues.
At first, it was fine, and I was happy to help her out.
However, I started noticing strange things. Mark would often stay up late watching movies with my mom, and they seemed to share a lot of inside jokes. I brushed it off as them just bonding, but something didn’t sit right with me.
One night, I came home early from work and found them in a compromising position on the couch. I was devastated.
I confronted them both, and my mom tried to downplay it, saying it was just a moment that got out of hand. Mark, on the other hand, admitted that he had developed feelings for her and that it had been going on for a while.
I was heartbroken and felt betrayed by both of them. I kicked my mom out and told Mark I needed space to think.
Now, Mark is begging for forgiveness, saying it was a mistake and that he loves me. My mom is trying to justify her actions by saying she was lonely and that it was just a “weird phase.” I’m torn between wanting to salvage my marriage and feeling like I can never trust either of them again.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a severe emotional crisis, dealing with the discovery of infidelity involving both her husband and her mother. Her immediate reaction was to enforce a clear boundary by removing her mother from the home and demanding space from her husband, driven by deep feelings of betrayal and the collapse of trust in two primary relationships.
Given the depth of the violation by both parties, is the OP justified in considering the end of her marriage and the complete severance of the relationship with her mother, or would attempting reconciliation, given the severity of the betrayal, represent an unsustainable emotional risk?
Here’s how people reacted:
If it was any other woman, what would you have done?
Mom justifying this is abhorrent. You need to go NC with her. I have a feeling this wasn’t the best of relationships to begin with. She has probably been toxic all along.
Husband has been emotionally cheating. If you hadn’t walked in, he would have physically cheated. Honestly, who is to say they haven’t already? Maybe she had an ulterior motive for moving in?
Make an appt with a therapist because you need to process all of this with a professional. Make an appt to get tested for STDs just in case. Make an appt with a lawyer, and don’t tell your husband. Move in the shadows. Find out what you can legally do right now, and what you need to do to protect yourself. If you don’t have your own bank account, open one now at a different bank and make everything electronic, so no mail comes to the house. I would go so far as to open a post office box, so he doesn’t have access to your mail.
Get into position to divorce him. If he could cheat with your mother of all people, he’s capable of cheating with just about anyone and may have already done so. At this point you can’t believe him or trust him.
Your mother is a player. She took advantage of your hospitality and had no problem getting it on with your husband then downplayed it as a one off moment.
Your husband on the other hand? He admitted it was going on for a while and he developed feelings for her.
They are both worthless to you now. That woman is not a mother. That soon to be ex husband is only saying that it was a mistake and that he loves you because she treated him like he was nothing, just as she treated you.
If you let her back into your life she would do the same thing in a heartbeat because she’s the only one that matters.
HE told you straight up that he had feelings for her and he would do it again if someone else showed him attention.
Get rid of both of them.
How?!
What could you have done differently?
You could have smiled and told them you bless their relationship.
You could have started calling your husband “Dad” and your mom “sister-wife”
YANTAH
Divorce your husband go no contact with both.
In no way, are you responsible for any of this.
I hope you do not have children with him.
The break would be so much easier and if you do, get the house.
Divorce and NC for both. Do NOT listen to his false apology, and DEFINITELY don’t let your mother’s BS create guilt.
They’re utter trash. Throw them out where they belong. (And tell everyone you know what you saw!!!!)
I am sooo sorry. Devastating 😞
Edited to add NTA vote cause obviously
At all. In you shoes, I could forgive my HUSBAND far more easily than my MOTHER. He could, with time and therapy earn my trust back. Mom on the other hand, would be dead to me.
The 2 people you are supposed to trust the most betrayed you. If you stay with him, you’re always going to wonder if it’s still going on. Go with your gut and walk away.
My FRIENDS and I don’t even date each other’s exes!!!
But inform all your relatives of what happened and warn them that if they take her in she might get into a “weird phase” again
I’d be removing them both from my life.