ESH – As a woman with an ex with ED I understand where she’s coming from. Believe me, he’s my ex for a reason. Men don’t realize that is extremely hard for a woman to not be able to turn on your husband. You blame him, you blame yourself, you laugh about it, you take it too seriously. It’s very hard to deal with those emotions. Add the sexual frustration and yeah, you will end up an asshole.

On the other hand, that was a very rude thing to say to your wife. The way you describe her… Do you even love her? I don’t think her joke was meant to hurt you, it was just a (very shitty) way to catch your attention, and a way of telling you that you must take care of her feelings too, cause it sounds like you’ve been only worrying about yourself lately.

Edit: I knew everyone would downvote me. I regret nothing. Truth had to be told.

Edit: Changed from YTA to ESH.

NTA. Having ED has zero to do with how “manly” you are. Your wife decided to try and humiliate you by revealing a private medical issue. You made it into a joke to deflect from embarrassment, which any of us would do. Your wife Owes you profuse apology for starting the whole thing. You both could use counseling while you go through this, you so that you understand this in no way makes you less of a man, and your wife so she understands this isn’t about how attractive she is or is not, it’s a medical issue pure and simple. I will say that if your wife continues in that kind of behavior you need to ask yourself if you want to have a partner who would say something so vicious about you while you’re going through this.

NTA.
You had 4 options.

– Sit there hurt, leaving everyone at the table uncomfortable and judging your wife.
– Leave. Again leaving everyone at the table uncomfortable and judging your wife.

-Argue about it. leaving everyone at the table uncomfortable and judging your wife.
– Make it a joke. Everyone laughs and moves on.

P.s. either a) there’s something bothering your wife
to make her like this and you should help, or b) she’s always been like it and you should leave. Just because you can laugh it off doesn’t mean to should have to.

EDIT: Thanks for the awards peeps!

My husband had an ED problem a few years back due to stress and stuff. (I will admit that at first I was worried he wasnt attracted to me anymore, he assured me it wasnt me and i moved onto being the support he needed) He was only 27 at the time and his doctor said it’s all in your head and helped him work past it. During that time, and even now years after the problem was solved, I would never *ever* make a joke like that. Not in private and not in public. You are NTA and I’m sorry your personal business was put out in front of everyone.

*” I mean what kind of a 32 year old gets ED in the first place, right? “*

When I was 24, my 26 year old boyfriend suffered from ED for 6 months. I made sure he saw a doctor and never ever shamed him about it. And I certainly never talked about it with anyone never mind in public.

She tried to humiliate you and you flipped it on her. Now she’s trying to play victim.

Edit: At the time I was seeing therapist and discussed my insecurities related to this with her, which did help, so maybe get your wife into therapy.

ESH. She shouldn’t be telling your friends about ED issues, but you knew she already blamed herself for something that wasn’t her fault..

>Jess has gone between blaming me and then blaming herself

>”Yeah, and with a wife like this can you even blame me?”

And you straight out decided to tell her, and your friends, that she was so unattractive that she was the problem. That’s really going to help fix things? Right?

NTA

Your wife is an asshole for bringing something so personal up because SHE can laugh at it. It’s not hers to laugh about, nor is it her business to spread around.

don’t give it if you can’t take it.. Clearly she can’t take it so perhaps she should learn to keep her mouth shut about business that’s not hers

INFO:
Have you spoken to a urologist? I’m 37, married for ten years.
Apparently, I have low testosterone-ED, which I discovered on my wedding night. I got a prescription for taddafil which has done wonders in the bedroom.

You’re not alone, embarrassing as it may feel.

Edit: **tadalafill** (aka Cialis)

NTA. She played with fire and got burnt. The fact that you made a swift comeback is not about calculating a response in the half second it took you to deliver it. She warmed herself up way longer to say that (surely she weighed the pros and cons of the bombshell) and the drink is not an excuse.

NTA. I’d recommend couples’ counselling. It seems your wife is taking this issue as a form of rejection and is lashing out because of it. Her feelings may be irrational but they do exist and should be dealt with with open communication facilitated by a professional

>she responded that it was more of a spur the moment thing while my response was “calculated.”

INFO: Could you ask your wife to elaborate on this for me? I’d really love to know how she thinks you managed to calculate a response to a spur of the moment comment.

Sooooo kinda ESH by kindergarten rules. “just because she’s mean, doesn’t mean you can be mean back” BUT i would’ve done similar. the more important part is you both said things that hurt each other, and both need to own up, grow up, and talk it out.

NTA. Kinda shitty of your wife to bring that up in conversation. If I were ya’ll I would call it even and move on. Honestly pretty impressed that you were able to come up with that on the spot.

ESH. You both said hurtful things. You can blame alcohol, but there’s clearly a lot of resentment in your relationship. You guys may benefit from some couples counseling.

As everyone is saying, NTA because that shit is personal and incredibly embarrassing. She asked for that response by making your private shit public.

NTA. Your wife exposed your extremely personal medical condition in public; you just shock-reacted. Who even calls their husband ‘this guy’?