Yet beneath the surface, tensions simmer with Sebastian, whose insecurities and sharp tongue cast shadows over family ties. The struggle to be seen and accepted reveals the fragile threads that hold them together, painting a poignant portrait of sibling rivalry, longing, and the unspoken battles fought within the heart of a family.
I (22M) have three older siblings, Diana (43F), Sebastian (37M) and Jake (32M). I was the surprise baby and I’m closer to Jake than Diana or Sebastian. Jake has always been interested in sports and trained since he was 14, going pro in college, so he looks like a young Schwarzenegger.
I took after him because he was the sibling at home I was actively watching. I was young and desperate for interaction, so I tried many things: I took baking classes with Diana, watched every Star Wars movie to talk to Sebastian, and became very muscular by 18 for Jake.
I am not that needy anymore. I never really talked with Sebastian. He claims people reject him due to his looks; he is slightly bald and overweight, but also very grumpy and noisy. He thinks Jake and I are stupid just because we are muscular, despite Jake having a PhD and me being top of my classes.
I used to laugh at his disrespect, but now that I am older, I have cut him off and distanced myself. It is sad because he is my brother and I want a relationship, but his behavior makes it difficult.
Recently, I was casually dating two people, one guy and one girl, as I do not want anything serious in my 20s. A few months ago, my girlfriend had to pick me up from my parents’ house, and I introduced her to my family.
The next day, she told me Sebastian sent her the most disturbing messages on Facebook she had ever received. He called her beautiful, said he knew we weren’t serious, and asked her on a date.
Twenty minutes later, he asked if she was there. Ten minutes later, he asked her not to show me the text. For the next twenty minutes, he insulted her until she blocked him. We agreed not to tell him anything because she said she did not care and that was the end of it.
I broke up with both of them and moved out of my parents’ house. I will live with my parents for at least a month until I find a new apartment. Sebastian is also living there. When I walked in the door, he laughed at me, calling me a “kicked out Chad” and saying that even though I look like a “little Jake,” I still got broken up with.
He said now I know how he feels when people reject him for his looks, but that my situation is better because my looks fit the “fuckboy stereotype.” I rolled my eyes and told him his looks are not the reason women run from him, but rather his creepy personality, and reminded him of the texts he sent to my ex a few months ago.
He turned red, and my mom told me I was rude because Sebastian is already having a bad time being his age and living at home.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is clearly distressed by the toxic dynamic with his older brother, Sebastian, especially after the recent incident involving his ex-partner. The central conflict lies between the OP’s desire for a healthy sibling relationship and the necessity of defending his boundaries and personal life against Sebastian’s intrusive and insulting behavior. While the OP has taken steps to distance himself, the family’s reaction, siding with Sebastian, forces the OP into a defensive, isolated position.
Given the history of disrespect and the recent escalation involving the ex-partner, is the OP’s decision to cut off contact with Sebastian and distance himself from the family’s environment the necessary action for self-preservation, or does it sacrifice familial connection prematurely for a relationship that might still be salvageable through structured intervention?
Here’s how people reacted:
>he called her beautiful, he said he knew we weren’t serious or official and asked her on a date, 20 min later he asked if she was there, 10 minutes later he asked her not to show me the text, and 10 minutes later he spent the next 20 minutes insulting her until she blocked him.
I’ve gotten these messages before and it’s always awful. He sounds like a Nice Guy or an Incel type. He knew he was being inappropriate texting her. That’s why he asked her not to tell you.
>Sebastian is also living here and when I went trough the door, he laughed at me, calling me a ”kicked out Chad” and that even when I look ”like a little Jake” I still got broken up with and now I know how he feels when people reject him for his looks, but that ”it’s better” because my looks are the ”fuckboy stereotype”
Does he think that your ex rejected him for his looks? He makes fun of your recent breakup and shits on your looks, but still thinks his looks are the issue? He’s just doesn’t want to work on his shit personality or wants a woman to settle for it.
>mom said that I was rude because Sebastian is already having a bad time being his age and living at home.
Does your mom know the extent of what your brother messaged your ex?
It sounds like she may enable his behavior and bad attitude. He can call you a ”kicked out Chad” and make fun of you but you can’t bring up anything that may ruffle his feathers?
Edit: for typos
This is 100% why he’s single and he shouldn’t dish what he can’t take. Also, how TF did he get her number or was this insta DMs? Either way it’s bad, but still. I hope you find an apartment asap because he sounds insufferable to live with NTA
The way you described that text exchange is typical “M’Lady” creepy behaviour.
It’s always the same.
1. A compliment or two. Or ten.
2. A push at getting to know you.
3. Asking you why you’re not replying and not getting the hint.
4. Then, depending on the incel type, either a flurry of abuse or some sob story to try and make you feel sorry for them.
Your very adult and very *mature* 37 year old brother deserved a little bit more knife twisting words.
I think we may have the same brother. My brother is pretty much like that, he’s an asshole to everyone, tries to act nice when with girls but he just straight up lies. And he scared( and scares) my Husky on a constant
Savage mom burn NTA