Yet, even as the student gained rightful access to support—extra time on exams, lecture recordings, and compassionate flexibility—their struggle deepened. Friends, once allies, questioned the legitimacy of their needs, casting doubt and judgment, turning personal triumph into a battleground of stigma and misunderstanding.
About a year ago, my university added psychological problems to the special needs students requests. I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety and clinical depression so I decided to apply to the program.
The program is strictly enforced and they requested my diagnosis, the date and the doctor. Then, they contacted my doctor.
Well, I got in. I have around 1.5x time in exams, able to record the lectures, I can get help from the program when I need, some absences allowed etc.
One of my friends learnt about my special needs status and then confronted me. Told me since I was stable and functioning, I shouldn’t be using the program and I was probably taking away from someone who needed it more.
It’s true that I have been in therapy for a while and have been taking medication, my panic attacks are less frequent and less damaging.
She called me an asshole for taking part in a program clearly “isn’t meant for me”. Some of my friends told me they agree with her and that they had been thinking this for a while.
I am truly conflicted. On one hand, I truly benefitted from the program but on the other hand, maybe they’re right and I am using this selfishly.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant internal conflict after being accepted into a university support program for mental health challenges. While the accommodations provided tangible benefits for their severe anxiety and depression, friends have accused the OP of being selfish and undeserving because their condition is currently managed, creating a direct clash between their personal need for support and perceived external obligations or fairness standards.
Given that the accommodations were formally granted based on a verified diagnosis, is the OP ethically obligated to relinquish their benefits because their symptoms are currently less severe than they once were, or does their medical status alone justify their continued participation?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your “friend” is *way* the fuck out of line for these comments. It’s super not okay for her to make a judgment about whether you’re “really” disabled or not, or whether you “need” the services you’re getting. That’s strictly between you, your medical team, and the school. I’m actually livid on your behalf that she would dare say such a thing.
You deserve to stand up for yourself and tell her “How dare you tell me I’m not disabled enough to deserve help.” Or “I’m sorry, are you my doctor? Are you my therapist? How exactly would you know what accommodations I do or don’t need?” Or maybe “It’s incredibly hurtful to me that you would accuse me of basically lying about my mental illnesses. Just because I’m not obviously dysfunctional to you doesn’t mean I don’t need help.” But honestly, you could just stop fucking talking to her instead, her and everyone who takes her side. You don’t need the kind of “friends” who think your mental illnesses are some kind of game for them to win righteousness points over.
NTA and keep doing what’s right for yourself. You deserve to succeed and I’m so happy for you to hear that you’re getting accommodations that help.
Whoever these ‘friends’ are (they are not friends) are not in the position to make that decision. There are process in place to make sure these services are there for those who need them. Who are these individuals to decide how you function and what you need.
You have been deemed in need of these admissions. Take them. Those who actually are in the know of who needs them and not have decided you are. They are the people to listen to.
I’m so over people seeing someone who has their medical needs under control ( sometimes for now because it will spiral) being pissy.
How do they not know that you’re able to maintain your mental health BECAUSE you’re utilizing those services?
Keep using them. Stay healthy. Find new friends.
**edited to add NTA
Severe anxiety and depression can interfere with school. The school wouldn’t have added these accommodations if they didn’t intend for people in your situation to use them.
It’s not a zero sum game. They’re not turning people away because you’re physically filling a slot. You recording a lecture doesn’t take away the ability to accommodate another student.
Also for the record, nothing that you listed is a deplete-able form of assistance. The help you are receiving isn’t diminishing help provided to anyone else.
This program is there for people in your situation, use it to the fullest and go forth and be awesome 🙂
Good to hear the medication and therapy is helping you!