Caught between faith in his wife’s honesty and the creeping unease of her delayed messages, he found himself questioning not just the night’s events, but the foundation of their connection. The silence spoke volumes, and in that void, his heart wrestled with fear, confusion, and the fragile threads of trust.
I’m in a weird situation and I’m beginning to feel like I was in the wrong because of my wife’s response…or lack thereof.
Last Saturday my wife went out with a recently divorced friend. She invited my wife to a brewery fundraiser and said she would be gone from about 4-8 PM. She took our youngest to their house to play with her friend’s child, and their teenage daughter was going to watch them.
By 9 PM, I hadn’t heard from her. They had left the brewery and apparently decided to go bar hopping to help her friend find a man. Around 11 PM, I texted, and she replied, still ‘looking for a man for x.’ I sent a thumbs up emoji.
Silence until 1 AM. She then said my son was asleep, she was sleeping there, and she was the designated driver. I doubted this, but she is usually good at pacing herself. I found it odd she wouldn’t wake our child and come home at 1 AM.
Curious, I checked her car’s location app; they were at another bar until about 1:30 AM. This made me uncomfortable. They left that bar and went to a random house, nowhere near her friend’s house.
Her car did not move from that location. Around 2:30 AM, I decided to drive out there; it was about a 20-minute drive away from town. I saw a house and barn with a party going on. I sat around for an hour deciding whether to wait and ask her the next day or confront her.
Around 3:30 AM, I decided to drive up with my lights off. I peeked into the barn and saw a camper trailer. I walked to the house, saw her friend and two men talking. I walked in the front door and said I was looking for my wife.
The friend led me to a different camper trailer, walked in, shut the door, and I got in to find my wife sleeping on the bed.
We went outside, and I told her I had to make sure she was safe, but that I did not think it was okay for a married person to meet random guys and go to their house. I left, stating I was most upset that she left our child unaccompanied all night, and that while I wouldn’t mind all-night bar hopping, married couples should not be in this position.
They spent the whole night there. The next morning at 7:30 AM, she texted that they were at her friend’s house.
She came home around 2 PM Sunday. I walked in with my other kids, and she asked if I was still mad about her falling asleep. I said nothing. We had a sports BBQ until about 9 PM, and she was asleep when I got home.
I got up early this morning and went to work.
Am I the asshole, or am I too crazy for confronting the situation? Part of the reason I drove out there is that in June 2024, my wife had a stroke on a work trip in NYC. I tracked her via Find My iPhone to the hospital when her coworkers called me at 6 AM.
Her family has a history of strokes. So, I am cautious of her going out without me.
TL;DR Am I the asshole for being upset that my wife went out with a recently single friend, they met some guys, and stayed the night, even though she said she would never cheat on me?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experienced significant distress rooted in a need for security, heightened by his wife’s recent serious health scare. His decision to track his wife and physically confront the situation arose from his fear and the perceived deviation from their agreed-upon schedule, leading to a breakdown of trust regarding her whereabouts and safety.
Did the OP’s deep-seated anxiety, triggered by his wife’s medical history, justify his actions of tracking her car and making an unannounced visit to an unknown party, or was this an overreaction that violated his wife’s autonomy and trust in their marriage?
Here’s how people reacted:
She said a lot of things during your wedding vows that she seemed to ignore so never cheating can be added to the list. If you pulled something like this on her and she found out you were with a few young women in their home, you would be out in the street.
You can no longer trust this woman. Sorry, But that is the bottom line. She let her newly divorced friend cause her to follow the same fate.
As for now, keep any evidence of how she is treating your kids. Leaving your son overnight in the care of a minor without a heads up is a HUGE red flag. You need to make sure she is not hurting or neglecting your children. This probably the most serious aspect of this mess. If it comes between trying to fix things with her or protecting your kids from her behavior, you need to pick your kids.
NTA obviously
I feel had you not shown up, you might have never known what truly happened that night. And that’s not what two people who are supposed to be trusting, loving partners do to each other. Add in the fact about her stroke, not cool.
Doesn’t seem like she did anything bad bad, but decided to crash at some randos house. Nope.
If she didn’t cheat(she probably did) she was planning on it.
This is incredibly irresponsible behavior. There isn’t a single thing she did that mitigates the situation. She lied about where she was, left your kid at a friend’s house, was hanging out with strange men at their house in the middle of the night, and didn’t show back up unto the next afternoon?
Dude. This is very fucking suspect.
She was in the wrong. Married people have cerfews.
She goes way out to a house, camper, barn at that time with guys.
If it was my wife, I would be fuck young her for a whole month and no other conversation at all
She doesn’t seem to be feeling guilty for her fuck up
Maybe she’s bored with her life and wants to be single
Remember cheaters can have a friend’s penis in her mouth and still be trying to say it’s not what it looks like.
She is differently acting like a wife, either she changes or puts her out and finds a partner who doesn’t act like she has been.
She most likely cheated or is trying to.
Plus there’s history of a dead bedroom.
OP, She’s checked out of this marriage.
This marriage is over.
The optics of this are awful. There is almost no visible scenario where she didn’t cheat with one of these guys. Especially being “asleep” in some random trailer when you got there. That’s sketchy as hell. People don’t just go to sleep in random places like that, especially married women.
At this point the kids should be the only priority. No point in a confrontation. Greyrock her until you can decide what your next steps should be.
She cheated. Almost certainly. The fact she lied to you repeatedly is the giveaway. You should have taken screenshots. And photographed the location of her car.
Tell her to tell you the truth otherwise you’re calling the police for leaving your kid unaccompanied overnight.
Does not add up. Either you’re worried about her OR you left her in a stranger’s barn.
Any chance she had sex with one of the guys? Then went to bed is what I’m thinking.
Mark my words.
NTA