NTA, your BF sounds extremely controlling to be honest. Sure, you have different tastes and preferences but his approach to this is unfair to you… his repeated comments about it not being ‘normal’ are meant to shame you. There is such a thing as agreeing to disagree and that means letting someone else live the way they want to, and not shaming them.

I do wonder about the age difference and whether this is overall good for you. Given his behavior towards his 15-years-his-junior partner, I feel like he pursued someone much younger in order to have greater control over them. You ALREADY curb your behavior and habits when he’s around – which is the vast majority of the time. Maybe that’s simply accommodating, compromising, and growing up in a relationship but depending on how much you’ve given up those things it’s also sacrificing a part of yourself that is important – quality time and bonding with loved ones OUTSIDE your relationship. You should really look at why he objects so much to you have quality time with sisters and friends. The ‘other man in the house’ thing is also really bogus to me seeing that it was your sister’s BF.

Your man is throwing red flags, OP. You’re literally just…. living your life.

NTA.

There is a terrible double standard at play here, and it’s a big red flag. It’s strange that it’s becoming apparent to you (although I’m glad it is) only when you want to do things along, because it sounds like your life together is actually just his life: his timing, his schedule, his friends, his activities.

You do not need to grow up. Setting aside the idea that sleepovers are immature (they aren’t; if you and your friends enjoy them, that’s all that matters) the thing he objected to here is that your SISTER came to visit. That’s… so normal for literally any age that it is extremely weird that he would object to it.

You have nothing to apologize for. You may want to do some soul-searching and figure out whether a jealous man who belittles the way you engage with family and friends is really who you need in your life. Maybe he is, still, but that is going to require some direct conversation about how controlling he is and how he needs to back off.

NTA. 

Why are you with a controlling man, OP? You yourself admit that you can’t do fun things, like bonding with people dear to you when he’s at home. Spending time with family and friends is a good thing and if your partner has a problem with it, he’s trying to isolate you. 

You and your partner only do things he likes with only his friends? He’s selfish and does not care enough for your likes and wants. 

Ever wonder why his least favourite term is “double standards”? It’s because even he knows he’s full of it and has probably been called the same by past girlfriends. Call it the age gap, call it whatever. This man is no good for you. He’s hypocritical and full of himself and you’re better off without him. 

Also, why apologise for having your sister and her boyfriend over and letting them spend the night? You were being courteous. And the man did not sleep in your bed but in the guest bed with his girlfriend. Dump him. Do yourself some good. 

>I apologized for having my sister&bf stay over because **he said it’s weird that I had another man stay over while he was away**. I can understand that

No! You don’t have to “understand that” at all. The other guy was your *sister’s boyfriend.* If he thinks it’s unacceptable for a man to stay under your roof *in a relationship with your sister* then you’re dating a member of the frigging TALIBAN. He sounds like one of these pathetic “male renaissance” bros who delude themselves into thinking that men have a natural authority over women and that it’s the role of the woman to make sure her man feels 100% respected at all times. Big red flag 🚩🚩🚩

NTA

Sounds like you need to find yourself a boyfriend that maybe has a bit more in common with you or is okay with your differences.

Comes off very controlling and manipulative with only doing things he wants. My wife and I have plenty of differences and plenty of things I don’t enjoy, and we’ve got a 10 year age gap. You either suck it up and do whatever activity or be okay with your SO doing activities without you with judgement (within obvious reason).

The having friends sleep over is pretty immature though. Uber exists. I get that it can happen every once and a great while but just seems odd for someone in their late 20s

Your bf hates ‘double standard’ so I’ll call it what it really is: he’s a hypocrite. He’s also an AH. A controlling one who should be happy you save your late nights for when he’s away and that you pretzel your life into the image he prefers when he’s home. And still it’s not good enough.

A true partner supports you and encourages you to be true to yourself, and you haven’t done anything suspicious or hidden anything. Your sister and her bf aren’t welcome over cuz there is a penis under his roof without him? Gross. And good riddance hopefully.

NTA. There is a reason he is 40 and single. All the other women realized he is controlling and holds double standards. There is nothing wrong with male female relationships. The last few weddings I went to best man was nitba man brides maid was not a female.

At 40 I doubt he is willing to look at his insecurities and address them. Women his age have already wasted time with men like him and actively avoid men like him. He has to hope for a younger woman like yourself will be willing to stick to his rules.

NTA- It sounds like he gets to decide what is ok and normal? You’re young but you’re also an adult with free will- you can go out with your friends as late as you want or have sleepovers. He sounds like an asshole, and the age gap definitely doesn’t help. He’s being condescending about things that you enjoy. Why are you hanging out with his friends most of the time? Sounds boring. Life is short- go dancing! Be with someone that doesn’t put a damper on what you enjoy.

NTA.

Also, your boyfriend and you seem HIGHLY incompatible…

He’s 15 years your senior, and relationships like this tend to have a skewed power and control dynamic.

You’re basically fron 2 different generations. You guys are going to have vastly different ideas of what’s appropriate or not and how relationships should work.

Also, the things he did at your age would have been vastly different 20 years ago, considering we still had dial up back then lol.

NTA. Nothing you’re doing is weird or “not normal”. I’m in my 30’s and sleep over at my sister’s all the time, along with girl’s nights with friends where we will crash at each other’s houses. Honestly, it’s concerning he is responding to you doing that in such a negative way. And he’s not okay with your sister’s BOYFRIEND staying the night with her there as well? That’s ridiculous. This is giving red flag energy.

NTA, but your boyfriend is. Not only does he sound like he’s a wet blanket and controlling, he’s also creepy for dating someone so much younger. Personally, I think your kind of fun sounds awesome and innocent, and you shouldn’t have to wait until your boyfriend goes out of town to do the things you enjoy. Reconsider if you want to live the rest of your life with someone who acts like you’re doing something wrong.

Nta – I’m a dude and I dream about having video game sleepovers with my friends. I’m in my 40s

It seems to me this controlling behaviour isn’t great.
Like if you’re not hurting anyone and you’re having fun, who cares? Question if this is how you want to live the pretty of your life – and ask yourself if he trying to isolate you from your ur network

I dunno if he is but think about it

You are not his property. Your bf has no business telling you, an adult, how to behave. I hope this guy is just a fling, because he’s controlling af, and I can tell you from experience, that never ends well. I have two exes due to that same kind of behavior. NTA.

Are you ok if your boyfriend has a “sleepover” with a girl while he’s away?  He’s not controlling.  Your routine sounds like what a teenager would do not an adult.  And having a guy over while he’s away is kind of sus.

You ARE in your mid twenties still… he’s almost double your age … of course you are living different lifestyles…

I would tell him “look if you want to date young girls you gotta put up with young girl shit” 🤷🏻‍♂️

NTA. It was your time to do what you wanted–when he wasn’t around to be with you. You weren’t cheating on him. Your sister’s BF was in the presence of your sister. Your boyfriend needs to mellow out.

Your bf should be your safe person. You should be able to do all this in front of him, and then he drives you home safely.

If your relationship is this hard. I’d look to an easier relationship.

NTA I’m almost the boyfriends age, and I could not deal with this. It sounds like a lifestyle difference, aside from age. “Normal” is subjective to the person experiencing life.

NTA. He is being controlling. That’s why he got into a relationship with someone 15 years his junior: so she would behave however he wants.

Don’t get pregnant.

Actually, read this through as if your friend has written it.

What would you say.

….The BF is controlling.

The fact you have to ask says more than enough about how controlling he is. Run for your freaking life