But reality shattered those hopes. Alone and exhausted, she faced the relentless demands of motherhood without the support she was promised, her body and spirit stretched thin as she navigated the dark nights and silent struggles of early motherhood.
I (30F) had a baby 8 weeks ago via a traumatic birth (10+ hrs of active labor, super high fever, emergency C-section, and my son didn’t breathe for 8 min after coming out). I told my husband (37M) that I had no birth plan, and I just wanted us all to get out of the hospital alive and healthy; however, I did have a very specific plan for the first 40 days postpartum that involved eating specific Chinese foods, limiting outings, and not being cold or in the wind; I told him it was very important to me culturally and for my healing.
While I was pregnant, (which also had its complications) I meal prepped and froze a lot of food that I just asked him to heat up and add vegetables and make rice, and I wrote recipes down for him.
He said, “I got you, baby.” He, in fact, did not have me.
I spent the first two weeks postpartum sleeping on the couch (because I couldn’t get in and out of bed after my surgery), doing the whole night shift by myself every night, and not eating anything besides the fast food he would bring home (or I would end up cooking for us).
He told me that staying inside for 40 days was stupid, so by day 10 we were going out (I know that I should have said no, but I was too tired to argue). We had gone to the beach day 14, and when we got there, there were 35 mph winds and my husband said, “let me just fish for a little and we can go,” but he disappeared down the beach (with the car keys) for 3 hours while the baby and I sat in the wind.
On day 16 he invited his sister to stay with us for a week, so I had to vacate the couch and climb in and out of our bed (still taking the whole night shift). His sister had a very similar surgery (hysterectomy) earlier this year, and was telling my husband and I about the risk of hernias after a surgery like ours.
This was after both of them sat on the couch and watched me haul laundry to and from the garage while they watched TV. She also demanded that we eat certain foods while she was here that she can’t get back home, and my husband doordashed whatever she wanted to the house and/or drove us all to go get food that she wanted.
Meanwhile, I couldn’t get him to heat up frozen food for me.
She also told us about the importance of scar care after the surgery, and suggested that I get a c section massage; any place I found were over $200, and I texted my husband I felt guilty spending that much money on something so selfish.
He changed the subject and didn’t address my text at all. I felt so incredibly hurt by this. Idk if it was hormonal or what, but him not saying anything to me feeling guilty for wanting to do something nice for myself made me feel so unloved and insignificant.
Especially because after his sister had her surgery, he talked to me about wanting to send her $10k of our savings to help her out with medical bills, and he didn’t even acknowledge, let alone offer to pay for a $200 massage for me.
After I was cleared for regular physical activity at 6 weeks, I asked him if it would be ok if I spent 30 min a day in our garage working out, he agreed and said he would watch the baby for me.
The next day, when I asked him to hold the baby for me while I worked out and he took my son and put him down into the baby bjorn. The baby started crying halfway through and I had to finish my workout while wearing the baby.
He told me while we were pregnant that it was a “nonnegotiable” for him that he continue going to the gym 3x a week, and started going back week 4 from 2pm-6pm leaving me with the baby and having to figure out dinner.
The last straw for me was yesterday, I had been with the baby all night and all morning and he wanted to go get lunch, so I asked him to watch the baby so I could get dressed and I was taking longer than usual to get ready.
He snarkily said to the baby, “mom’s gotta try on 6 more pairs of pants before we can leave,” and I lost it on him. I screamed nothing fits me because I just had a fucking baby and I don’t get to work out at all.
I told him I f*cking hate him and that he should go to his parent’s house or sleep on the couch or whatever, just to leave me alone. He shook his head at me like I was being irrational and I felt such rage inside me.
How could he not see that I was dying? I spent the night googling divorce lawyers and I feel like I’m overreacting.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is navigating severe physical recovery from a traumatic birth while experiencing a profound emotional disconnect and lack of support from her husband. Her central conflict stems from the husband’s failure to honor explicit postpartum care agreements, prioritizing external demands (his sister’s visit, his gym time) and casual outings over her culturally significant healing needs and basic physical comfort after major surgery.
Given the husband’s pattern of dismissiveness and prioritizing his own schedule over the OP’s stated critical needs, is the OP’s extreme reaction of contemplating divorce justified by the severity of her unmet emotional and physical support requirements, or does the recent trauma make her current reaction disproportionate to the ongoing marital issues?
Here’s how people reacted:
Get yourself together. If you think getting divorced will be easier your off your rocker. What’s happening to you happens to lots of couples. This can be fixed and might take a Counsler and a doctor to get it done. It’s just teaching both of you how to respond to stress. You’re going to be bellowing like an old hay bag till your body gets back to functioning like before. He needs to learn that raising kids is a team sport. Now is the time to start working together and giving each other credit for what each of you do. Don’t e peck each other to do it all. Do not involve mothers. They will come in mooing and crapping everywhere. 🐄💨💨💩👀🤮. Then ya gotta clean that up also. Not a problem you want around. This will pass as marriage is a bumpy road. Try to be the ones who work together to raise the kids. That is what helps the kid. That’s important.
Also, any man telling you that you have to look good after your pregnancy doesn’t love you doesn’t like you think if you only as an object and a baby incubator.
Continue on with calling divorce lawyers, please for yourself and for your baby.
Can you take bub and go stay with your family for a bit/forever?
He’s a piece of shit and you need to leave him before you end up in jail for some kind of crime. Because he’s pushing me to violence just reading this.
If you can go home to family – do so. If you can get him out of your house, do so. You’d get more care from one of the door dash drivers.
NTA….
having a baby – hormones are going wild, your brain on empty.
he doesn’t understand but this isnt divorce time.
take a deep breath focus on you and baby and let things simmer
Your husband is the biggest dick I’ve read about in a long time. Divorce is not over reacting. Please surround yourself with your loved ones.
You are totally NOT overreacting. Your reaction is actually perfectly logical. I hope that you find a good attorney and that you are able to get what is coming to you.
For the title bait though