Tensions simmer beneath the surface as boundaries are tested and feelings bruised, revealing how even the closest ties can fray when personal space becomes a precious commodity. In this small apartment, big emotions find no room to hide, and every decision carries the weight of unseen struggles.
My sister and her friend came to stay at my apartment temporarily yesterday, only for a few days because they had to leave their own for a few nights. I didn’t really want them to come because my place is pretty small (NYC), and even more so because their landlord was obligated to pay for a hotel for them but they didn’t want to demand it.
I have a 2 bed 2.5 bath, so my sister is on the couch and her friend/roommate got the spare room since she is like, 8 or 9 months pregnant, i don’t know exactly really but she’s, like, clearly very far along.
the problem came up today when her friend complained about the shower in that room being too small, and asked if she can use mine which is an ensuite in my room. i told her no, because i dont want anyone going in my room and definitely not in my bathroom either.
She didn’t really argue or anything, but I could tell she was upset that I said no. Then later on when my sister came back home, I guess she’d heard about it and came and got pissed at me and was trying to say her friend can’t even fit into the other one.
the shower is very small yes, its a weird old one thats like a tiny square basically where you walk in and shut the door, so it probably is uncomfortable sure. and i get its kind of harsh or mean of me, but still, i just really dont want to give up my personal space.
so i told them sorry, but if she doesn’t want to use it then they can just go get the hotel lol. and they both said something about how she “can’t” use it. I just rolled my eyes and went to my room and haven’t been out since.
AITAH?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) prioritized their need for strict personal space and privacy within their small apartment, leading to a conflict when their sister’s very pregnant friend requested access to the ensuite bathroom. The OP felt justified in setting this boundary, even offering the perceived ‘out’ of demanding a hotel, while the guests felt entitled to more accommodation due to the friend’s advanced pregnancy and the perceived inadequacy of the available facilities.
Given the situation—a temporary stay where one guest has significant physical limitations—is the OP’s absolute refusal to share their private bathroom an unyielding necessity for mental well-being, or an unreasonable rigidity that compromises basic hospitality when alternatives (like a hotel paid for by the landlord) were available but rejected?
Here’s how people reacted:
For the record I think refusing them to stay would be perfectly fine. I just cannot imagine letting them stay and then lacking the empathy and decency to let someone use a shower when you know the guest one is too small for her. Like what harm do you think will seriously happen? If you’re so concerned about your space why let them around at all? How would you feel if you needed a shower, was staying with someone, and you were denied one usable?
But…that’s your right ultimately. You’re NTA for wanting people not to come into your personal space ultimately. Selfish, and a bad person in my eyes but I can’t blame someone fully for not sharing their things. It’s yours, and you have full rights to it.
* Op admitted to being harsh, op admitted the shower is too small, admitted that it’s uncomfortable to stand in there even as a non pregnant person, admitted that their intangible emotions are more important than someone’s tangible body. Not just anyone. Your sister’s roommate.
* OP should have never allowed people to stay that they were not willing to actually accommodate for. Never. And they are the asshole for *knowing* they can’t share space like at all with other people.
If you don’t want your amenities being used then just don’t bother having people under your roof to begin with. Not letting a pregnant person have a shower is just crappy.
Side note, I’d love to be able to call a flat with 2 bedrooms, an en suite and additional bathrooms ‘too small’. That really screams “I’ve got a trust fund”.
Just pick a lane. Either develop a capacity for empathy, or just don’t invite people into your home to begin with.
If you didn’t want them there you should have said no to them staying. This is what comes with the territory of having guests.
She’s not going to rummage thru your things she just wanted to bathe. You couldn’t just take a quick walk around the block to grab a coffee while she hopped in and out of the shower? Pregnant women are already going thru enough
Sometimes it’s better to just choose compassion. They don’t seem like they were being assholes or rude, you just felt inconvenienced.
I mean, I guess I get people wanting their own space, but your attitude feels so icky to me. It just would never cross my mind to not offer the bigger shower…
You clearly have very little understanding of pregnancy, and I think that is something in your knowledge you should fix, but if she is as far along as you assume, she literally needs the space. It isn’t going to turn your life upside down to let her use the shower.
They should be asking their landlord to pay for re-accomodation. This situation is exactly what happens when you don’t handle your own accomodation— you end up making demands on someone who’s generous enough to accomodate you on short notice.
The roommate has no relationship with you, tell your sister if she wants to continue to stay, she needs to pipe down.
Sure, your house, your rules, but that doesn’t mean that saying no to this pregnant woman who probably can’t even turn around in the box shower isn’t a dick move.
And let’s be real, you know it. No amount of reddit justification will mean that you don’t already understand that you’ve pulled an asshole move.
NTA
They must’ve forgotten you’re doing them a favor. She has a bathroom to use. If she is dissatisfied with what was offered, she has every right to go elsewhere.
Her being pregnant doesn’t entitle her to your bathroom.
Beggars can’t be choosers
sad.
Huh?
All of you are entitled monsters 😅😅😅
Mkay.
NTA