It’s not only for the way she treated you while pregnant, this situation was years in the making. Your sister blaming you for her lost childhood is a projection. You apologizing for something you had no control over, allowed her to make you into the “villain of the picture”. You should have never apologized for it and that is something you need to tell your parents and your sister.

They want it to be over, as a bare minimum you should ask them to:

1-Your parents need to apologize for their complete parenting failure. First by their parentification of your sister by pushing their parental duties on her. And second by standing by all those years that she was verbally abusive towards you, not intervening or putting a stop to it, and admitting their own culpability. How can they stand by and let her abuse you, while knowing it was their fault it all happened? How do they rationalize it? If this happened purely out of economic reasons, and there was really no other way around it, they still need to fess up to your sister and find a way to make it up to her. For too long they have been happy to let this situation “fester” until it was brought to a halt by you. You finally decided to put an end to it and now they need to find a way out of it that no longer includes your sister venting on you and you taking the blame for it.

2- It’s on your parents to “fix“ what they broke. They need to go to therapy with your sister and work on repairing their broken relationship. Help your sister let go of her anger, and “put it behind her”, instead of requesting you do it because it easier for everyone.

3-Your sister needs to apologize for all those years spent verbally and emotionally abusing you. Your going NC is only a mechanism to protect yourself and your family from her verbal abuse. However, it seems that her hatred towards you is because she views you as the favorite daughter who had all of the advantages growing up, while she was the only one required to make “sacrifices”. Note that your brother was not expected to make the same sacrifices, so it was a completely unfair treatment by your parents towards her.

Only after that happens, then you can start re-building your relationship with your sister.

NTA let me say it out loud OP : **YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR RUINING HER CHILDHOOD** : your parents are. You are **doing the right thing** when you **don t allow her to see your baby** : you are a **mother who is protecting her child** .Your sister **definetly** has **issues** that she should deal with **therapy** and **confrontation with your parents**. She **wrongly blame** all of her **issues, angryness resent feelings and frustation into you** .Plus she **didn t apologize** to you : she **thought she was right** so if you allow her again in your life **her behaviour toward you won t change at all**.Focus on your family , and **keep** people who are **supporting you** with only **positive thoughts/attitude**.Let you parents and brother know that **they have to respect your no contact decision** and they have to **stop pushing you** .The family / let the past behind card is **bs** .

Every single person in your life (except your partner) is TA and they have failed you. Some more than others.

Parents: They made your sister do what they should have taken care of and robbed her of her childhood. Also, they are making it out like your feelings are unimportant and want you to allow your sister back in your life, because this way they don’t have to take responsibility for their bad parenting.

Sister: Rude, misplaced anger, should not have said those things, and she should have taken steps to heal from this. She was wronged, but it’s not your fault.

Brother: Just because he had it easier doesn’t mean that your sister has no right to feel wronged. Also he’s TA for invalidating your feelings after your sister was extremely disrespectful and hurtful.

Overall, you are NTA, and I wish you, your baby and your partner all the best <3

NTA

Firstly, it’s not your fault your sister didn’t have a childhood. If anything, she should be blaming your parents.

Secondly, her assumption that you will be a bad mum because you didn’t have to babysit anyone doesn’t even make any sense! By that logic, every person without younger siblings are crap parents.

Bloody ironic for your dad insisting that you “let bygones be bygones” when your sister has spent her entire life holding this grudge.

So until YOU are comfortable being in contact with your sister, she just has to bloody wait.

Side note: I am 14 years older than my youngest sibling and never had I held a grudge for babysitting. The only awkward thing was people assuming I was a teenage mum (of multiple children lol)

NTA.

* *”Because of that, she blamed me and hated me because i was the reason she lost her childhood”* What is wrong with her, she should blame **YOUR PARENTS** not you?
* *” I’m assuming she told our parents this because my dad wants me to let her see my baby. He said let bygones be bygones and stop living in the past and my mom agreed “* It is super easy to say that, when she is putting all their mistakes on you.

Also, watching your brothers and sisters **once in a while** is normal? What did she want you to do? Not be born? You’re definitely not guilty on this and you have the right to not want to deal with someone who uses you as an emotional punshing ball to avoid her own difficulties.

Honestly, you sister ITAH by like 40%, the biggest AH are your parents. They took away your sisters childhood, not you. Her blame for that is misplaced. She should be angry at your parents, since you know, they are the ones that are supposed to raise you! She is the AH for being so rude and misplacing the blame. I can understand that she is angry and couldn’t control the situation when she was younger, but now she is grown up and have to be responsible for her emotional respons.
Does she have children? Could she also be jealous? I feel the blame is way to misplaced! Your parents should also STFU, they do not get to walk away from the problem THEY created.

NTA

Your sister has an issue with something your parents did and she is projecting that on you because she finds it easier to do so. She can’t be mad at her parents so she’s being mad at you. What she does not understand is that her anger towards you will get her nothing. She needs to go to therapy and learn to address this issue in an appropriate manner.

You don’t owe her anything but thanks and acknowledgement for the role she played in your upbringing.

If you want to help, maybe nudge your parents to talk to her about her childhood. Have they spoken about this before?

NTA. Your sister is understandably angry, but her anger is misplaced. She should be angry with your parents. Your parents forced her to give up her childhood to become a 3rd parent to you. The things she has said to you are unacceptable. She should seek therapy and apologize to you. Your parents are on her side because she is blaming you for their abuse. It’s your child and your choice who has a relationship with him. You have done nothing wrong. Congrats on your little one!

EDIT: Thank you to all of the redditors who very generously gave me awards!!!!!

NTA

I don’t think you can reasonably let bygones be bygones without an apology, because an apology implies some commitment or effort not to behave that way again. Without that, she had carte blanche to carry on misdirecting her anger at you. In short, she would need to make big changes in her relationship with you before she can expect to have a relationship with your child.

NTA your sister clearly has some issues with having been parentified, but she is projecting the anger onto you instead of it’s rightful place on your parents. She should go to therapy and genuinely apologize for everything she said before expecting to be allowed in either your life or the kiddo’s.

NTA-Everyone eventually has to learn that actions have consequences that includes your sister. Blaming you for her lost childhood, accusing you of having a son this early so you can make him lose his childhood as well and calling you a bad mom all have the same consequence. No seeing your baby.

NTA. If she can’t forget about the distant past, why should you have to forget about the recent past? She does not sound genuinely remorseful or apologetic. Why would you want someone so mean to you (when REALLY she should be mad at your parents) around your baby?

Nta Your dad telling you to let bygones be bygones, seems your sister is the one that needs to let go and put the blame where is really lies WITH YOUR PARENTS!
He is your son if you don’t want someone around him, than don’t let them bully or guilt you into it!

Okay, I don’t need to read this whole thing to say NTA because she’s already being an A about having to watch you as a child. This is not your fault, it was never your fault. You have absolutely no control over who watched you, it’s entirely on your parents.

NTA whether you reconcile with your sister or not. It is odd that she blames you for the parentifaction forced on her by HER parents. Was your brother not made to do the same or was he not involved in raising you because he’s male?

NTA. Your dad needs to give that advice to your sister and tell her to apologize to you. If she still has this resentment towards you all these years later, I wouldn’t trust her not to be a dick to the baby.

NTA, just because someone is blood doesn’t mean they aren’t toxic. Does she ring your parents and scream at them for losing her childhood? Cause that’s where the blame really sits.

NTA, your sister needs therapy to reduce the heaps of resentment she accumulated over these years. The real assholes are your parents.