Caught between empathy and personal space, the narrator faced a moment of vulnerability that exposed the raw truths of human interaction. The polite confrontation was more than a request for room—it was a plea for understanding in a shared space where neither could fully escape the weight of the other’s reality.
So this month I was flying across the country on a long 5 hour flight, which I had booked and seats selected for. I specifically chose an aisle seat in a row of two, so no middle seat — just the aisle and window.
Well, a very obese man boards and I can tell instantly he is going to have a tough time fitting in any of the seats. I assume maybe he bought two hence why he’s even attempting to board.
I’m mentally crossing my fingers he’s not next to me, but sure enough he ends up pointing to the window seat next to me to let him in.
I get up and let him in politely, wanting to at least give him a chance. Well, he sits down and is easily seeping into about 1/3 of my seat. I sit down and am pressed up against him, making me uncomfortable.
After a minute, I decided to be upfront and tell him:
“Sir, I’m sorry but this situation is not working for me, you’re taking up quite a bit of my seat”.
He wasn’t rude, but sort of gave me a shrug as if there’s not nothing he can do — although he did sort of tighten his arms in to try and be narrower. It just wasn’t enough, though. He still was overhanging over the armrest about 1/4th into my seat even when squeezing his arms in.
I’m talking about fully hanging over the armrest into my seat.
I end up stopping a flight attendant and ask her what can be done about the situation. She instantly tells him that he is likely going to need to purchase another seat. She goes to the front and comes back saying that there aren’t any open seats on this flight, so there wasn’t a way to move people so he could have two.
This causes a very awkward silence.
The guy seemed embarrassed and didn’t want to get up. He mentioned how he can’t wait for a later flight. I felt bad for him but I was also thinking about my own comfort on the long flight — the comfort I paid for.
The flight attendant tells him that unless someone on the flight agrees to let him take up part of their seat, he’ll need to book another flight. The guy seems really flustered by this ultimatum, and here’s where I made my offer.
I told the guy, “Look, I’ll put up with this if you give me $150 — that’s half the cost of this flight and that would compensate me enough for the circumstances.”
He instantly agrees, pulls out cash and pays me. He even told me he appreciated it.
Well, the people sitting behind me (who keep in mind didn’t volunteer to sit by him) were making under their breath comments about me being an asshole for doing that. I just ignored them and put the cash in my wallet.
From my perspective, I gave the guy a valid option to stay on the flight and I was compensated for literally having only 75% of my seat max (let alone the feeling of a person’s body pressed against you involuntarily).
A win-win. He wasn’t angry at all, if anything he seemed quite relieved we could work it out privately.
After the flight, the couple behind me glared at me but I ignored them. This leads me to beg the question, AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster found themselves in a stressful situation where their paid-for personal space was compromised by another passenger’s size, leading to physical discomfort. The OP resolved this conflict by proposing a monetary exchange to tolerate the situation, effectively monetizing their reduced comfort level, which the other passenger accepted.
The central conflict rests on the right to personal physical space versus the need for the other passenger to travel immediately. Was the OP justified in demanding financial compensation to accept a clear breach of their personal boundaries, or should they have prioritized the immediate comfort of the larger passenger, perhaps by volunteering to move or accept the situation without payment?
Here’s how people reacted:
Maybe in a technical look at the economics of the situation it was “fair”: you paid for a seat, someone was using part of that seat, you asked to have the situation rectified, but that wasn’t possible. So you asked to be compensated for the money you felt you lost in comfort, the person taking up that space obliged. Sure. I guess. And if we were talking about someone denting your bumper in a parking lot, this solution would have been okay.
But we aren’t talking about your car, or a parking lot, or paying for material damage. We’re talking about the way you handled a situation about a person’s body, on a plane. While everything you did may have been “fair” economically, that fact doesn’t also preserve your character. You acted like an asshole. You humiliated a person, a human being, by calling attention to his weight in a situation he couldn’t do anything about. First you told him it wasn’t going to work (and expected him to…. what? Lose some weight right there? Of course he shrugged like there was nothing he could do about it! There wasn’t anything he could do about it!), then you called over a flight attendant and you had a one on one conversation with the flight attendant about this mans weight and how it was a problem for you- while he was sitting right there.
And of course he graciously gave you $150. He was relieved that some money was going to shut you up and you weren’t going to continue to humiliate him for the entire flight- or worse, get him kicked off this flight. He said he *had* to be on this flight. Clearly where ever he was going, he was on a very tight schedule.
You didn’t even stop to consider his humanity. You didn’t consider that he might have a sick family member at his destination that he needed to get to, or a pregnant wife, or an important job interview. You saw this as a material situation, with negative economical impacts, and you can’t do that when it’s physical human beings involved- not without being an asshole at least.
Again. This would have been fine if you were asking for money to cover damages to a material object that another person’s mistakes or carelessness caused.
While this situation may have economically been “fair”, it doesn’t mean you were in the right. You are definitely an asshole. Absolutely. There was no way for this situation to be fair, without you being an asshole. In order for you to be the nice guy here, you would have had to given up your comfort (and paid for it). That’s just how it is. You’re not a nice person in this situation. And that is exactly what you came here for- you came to ask if you’re an asshole. The answer is yes, you’re an asshole. You’re an asshole who rectified a situation for economic fairness, you’re an asshole who is comfortable with how he handled the situation. You’re an asshole who would probably do this again if the situation ever presented itself. And that’s fine, you’re entitled to do whatever you want, but you asked if you were an asshole, so we’re answering: yes you’re an asshole.
Also, please keep in mind: Economic fairness wasn’t required I this situation. You were still on the plane, you were still getting to your destination, and that’s all you really needed from this plane ticket. Flying isn’t a high class experience anymore. Flying is the means to an end. You get on your flight, you’re probably uncomfortable no matter what, the food isn’t good, your ears pop, sleeping is difficult… whatever. Then you get off the flight and get to your hotel, or your home, or your airbnb or where ever your destination is- and you begin your trip. And that’s what you’re really there for, so who the fuck cares about the flight? The flight isn’t the memorable part of the trip. Calm down.
On the other hand, if I were that obese I would 100% do what I needed to do to prevent this situation from happening, aka buy two seats. I don’t like that he basically uses people’s good nature in not complaining or feeling embarrassed or too kind to embarrass him by speaking up. I think ESH but in different ways. He’s daring you to speak up and be the asshole, and you took his dare. Would I do it? Hell no! You weren’t “technically” wrong, but you definitely were an asshole.
I think people who are larger than the seats can accomodate know the challanges and rely on “good” people to put up with it. The airlines have a policy, bye two seats and no one has to go through the embarrassment OR board and hope no one complains…… most people don’t complaim at the risk of fealing like their being an asshole, yet forget that its not a new situation to be in, unless the obese person is literally flying or taking any type of public transit for their first time,
In reality, the airline should have stopped him before boarding the flight and checked his seating arrangements. That would avoid and solve these issues.
You made it work, and i bet he will think twice about booking a second seat next time. The airlines should have some kind of seat discount for the second seat. Maybe 30% of full price.
The problem here was that this large dude stuck you with being uncomfortable on your flight, right? Well, the $150 didn’t make you any less squished in your seat, so it really feels like you just blackmailed this guy for being fat.
(the real asshole in this situation is the airline, IMO, but still.)
edit: this sub is for debating whether or not OP was a dick, not whether or not he was within his rights to seize an opportunity to get $150 out of a guy in a desperate situation. if you think OP is NTA, feel free to tell him. 700 copies of the same comments telling me what a cuck I am aren’t going to change my mind.
He obviously should’ve bought two seats rather than just assuming someone wouldn’t mind sharing their seat with him.
Airlines need to make bigger seats so their passengers can actually be comfortable.
Your solution was… IDK. It was not working for you to share part of your seat unless he ponies up $150? The money doesn’t make you any less squished. Although I guess you don’t need to feel as bad about all the money you spent for half a seat.
And really, the guy should have thought ahead, I’m sure he’s been on a plane before and disrupted another persons flight.
Edit: from the way you have been responding to others and your general attitude, I would now say 60% NTA. Understand why you did it, but you are coming across as quite insensitive to the other person involved.
I understand you were unlucky in having to deal with an uncomfortable seating arrangement and he was technically breaking a rule but was it really worth the $150 to do that to a person? Demanding the money just makes you look like an opportunist.
that’s like having someone pay you because their baby won’t stop screaming next to you. do you just ask people to pay you when they make you uncomfortable?
edit: I’ve deleted a few of my responses in this thread because I went off topic and they aren’t constructive 🙂
Good on you for not being taken advantage of.
You compromised. He compromised. It was an awkward situation of nobody’s making. I think half the cost of the flight was maybe a bit steep though, if he was only in a third of your seat. Having said that, five hours is a long time.
The guy knows he is fat and takes up too much space, you made a situation so you both could be okay