Amidst her own profound grief, having lost her husband and daughter in a tragic accident, this friend offers more than shelter—she offers hope. Surrounded by memories captured through the lens of her late husband, she understands the fragile threads that hold a family together. Now, two weeks into this new chapter, the fight for custody is not just about legal battles, but about the resilience of love and the unbreakable bonds that define what family truly means.
My friend is a single mother going through a fight for custody of her 5 year old son. The son stays with the father most days and the father wishes for full custody. My friend and her ex are at odds due to my friend’s living situation.
She can no longer afford to live in her apartment and moved into a shelter briefly which becomes a unanimous “no” in terms of custody battles. If you don’t have a permanent residence that’s like a house or apartment, you will almost always lose these cases.
I outstretched an olive branch and let her live with me. She’s been here two weeks. I have a house so it’s no big deal for me.
Something about me: two years ago I lost my husband and daughter in an MVA. I have dozens of photos of us all as a family, and about a dozen of my daughter. My late husband was a photographer and was the one who took all of our shots, not a cellphone photo in sight.
In fact, I have precisely zero photos otherwise of us.
Two days ago was the first day my friend was allowed access to her child for the day and I was at work all day. I figured they’d hang out at home while I worked. It turns out her son got at my albums and destroyed or defaced pretty much all of them.
I have no clean photos of my daughter anymore, they’re either ripped to shreds or have marker all over them.
My friend did nothing to stop this: this doesn’t happen in the time it takes to run to the washroom or anything so I deduce it was either my friend went out for an extended period of time leaving her son home alone or she just didn’t care.
In either case, I was furious.
I decided to give me friend three days notice to leave. She has no tenant rights as she’s been here <30 days, in fact I had to give her no time but I didn't want to toss her to the streets with nothing.
She leaves tomorrow. Was I an asshole here? Her son destroyed property of mine of extreme sentimental value. I don’t know if I can get them restored and getting new prints is impossible.
In the back of my mind I think of her custody battle and how I’ve thrown a wrench in it all but this is beyond a tiny thing. This was malicious negligence on her part.
Conclusion
The original poster is grappling with a severe emotional loss triggered by the destruction of irreplaceable family photographs by their friend’s young son. While the friend was offered refuge during a difficult custody dispute, this act led to the poster enforcing an immediate departure, prioritizing their profound sentimental loss over their friend’s precarious housing situation.
Given the extreme, irreplaceable nature of the damage versus the friend’s immediate need for stable housing crucial for her custody case, was the poster justified in prioritizing the protection of their sacred memories over their friend’s temporary shelter, or did the emotional weight of the loss necessitate a less punitive immediate action?
Here’s how people reacted:
I mean trust is broken. So I get having her move out. But I also think there’s more to this story.
If there are other issues with relationship you have done the right thing.
Does the child have any issues – ASD /ADHD ?
A child is a child –
Neglectful – inexperienced mothers possible?
memories need protecting but we are dealing with human life here.
So the story is
Your memories in photograph form are worth more than a child being with a mother?
Look I don’t really know the right thing to do here.
Imho
You have done the right thing for all the wrong reasons.
You have just added to her problems.
So it turns out – it was a big deal for her to stay over.
I might add , if a grandchild had done the exact same thing?
One: extreme lack of caring that her son destroyed pictures of your dearly departed relatives (I’m sorry to hear it) showing a distinct lack of care about you
Two: anyone who leaves a five year old alone for long enough to do that and/or hasn’t taught their child not to destroy other peoples belongings or even not to be destructive in general, in my book shouldn’t win the court case unless the dad is totally off the rails
You could not see how she would get back on her feet and you would bear the cost financially and emotionally going forward with no foreseeable end date.
You mention the 30 day rule etc.
I have a rule which my OH agreed to follow for better life.
Bit cynical but has avoided a few sticky situations.
Do not bring other people,s problems into our house!
You did an extreme kindness for her, and she left her son unattended long enough for this to happen. That makes her a shitty friend and a shitty parent. What if he got into something dangerous?
Responsible parents know better. She’s very *irresponsible* for this, and probably shouldn’t win custody anyway.
Did she have anything to say for herself?
One or two getting ruined could be dismissed as a “took my eyes of the kid for a minute and this happened” scenario but for her to obviously just let the kid wreck so many is irresponsible of her to say the least, and as you say something that’s extremely sentimental and irreplaceable
Hope you can find a way to get some of them fixed up
NTA in my opinion
NTA I physically winced/flinched when I read that. I hope your late husband had digital copies of your photos or kept the negatives.
Also, some photo shops can restore photos. I’ve done that with ones that had mold and sun damage.