As the countdown to their daughter’s birth begins, the fragile foundation of their relationship trembles under the weight of uncertainty and unspoken fears. What was once a shared dream now feels like a precarious balancing act between trust and betrayal, leaving both hearts vulnerable in the quiet chaos of impending parenthood.
I’ve been treating my ex-fiancée pretty cold and demanding a paternity test for the child she’s caring. I knew my ex for almost 10 years. After we graduated I asked her out and we became a couple.
We dated for almost 6 years before she came to me and told me she was pregnant. I loved her and this was exciting, so I proposed. She seemed worried, but after I reassured her I would support her either way, she accepted my proposal and decided to keep the child.
These past 7 months have been a roller coaster. She moved in with me, and we planned on marrying after the birth. A few weeks ago, an old acquaintance reached out, claiming he was the father and that my ex had been lying.
He claimed he and my ex had reconnected and were having unprotected sex around the time she conceived. He sent proof: photos and texts. I checked her phone and confirmed the messages, including ones where she admitted she lied because I make more money and she preferred I care for the child.
I confronted her, it was a mess, and I broke off the engagement, evicting her from my apartment immediately. I have not spoken to her since, effectively telling her I want her out of my life.
I demanded a DNA test the minute the baby is born. If it is mine, I will help support it. If not, I am never seeing her again.
I’ve been cold to her. Her and her parents have tried to talk to me, but I refused contact. She gathered her friends to talk to me, and I kicked them out, threatening to call the police.
Every time she tries to reconcile, I shut it down.
My friends say I’m wrong, arguing that since she is pregnant, I should at least help her until the baby is born, even if it isn’t mine. I disagree fully, but I could be wrong. Am I letting my own emotions hide the fact that I’m an asshole?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing intense anger and betrayal after discovering his ex-fiancée lied about the paternity of their unborn child, leading him to immediately end contact, evict her, and demand a DNA test. His current emotional position is characterized by punitive action, refusing all attempts at communication or reconciliation, driven by a strong sense of being deceived and wanting to protect himself from financial and emotional responsibility if the child is not his.
The central debate lies between the OP’s right to demand truth and establish firm boundaries following deception, versus the social expectation to provide support for a pregnant woman, regardless of paternity, until the birth. Is the OP justified in cutting off all support and communication based on the severe breach of trust, or does the immediate well-being of the mother and unborn child override the need for immediate accountability and emotional distance?
Here’s how people reacted:
My ex had a horrid start to his fatherhood with his first child. There was some Maury Povich bullshit with three guys being paternity tested before him. The paternity testing, child support and visitation process took months to sort itself out through the courts. The little one’s mother was an epic troll who went to cartoon villain level extremes to be unreasonable and awful. But he had a charming little connection with the child and his parents and people in his life (including myself) worked hard to make sure he didn’t let the mother’s behavior color the relationship with his kid.
You can be a good father to this child if she is yours and at the point in the future when the little one is old enough to notice, you will hopefully not feel such extreme betrayal. You have 3 years. This little girl could be the best thing to happen to you out of the most awful situation, or she could be a distant memory. I am sorry there is such uncertainty. See a lawyer now to make sure you immediately initiate your case for paternity, child support and visitation.
She made this mess and she needs to pull up her big girl panties and deal with it. She cheated, lied, and manipulated two men because of her own selfishness. You’ve been together for years and she not only cheated on you but did so *unprotected* for *nearly a year*. On top of that she admitted that she only wanted you around because you made more money than the other guy. You have no obligation to take care of her, she has friends and family that can put up with her shit.
The moment that baby is born you get a paternity test and don’t sign a damn thing until you have proof that the child is yours. If that baby is yours you need to get a lawyer and set up a custody arrangement so she can’t screw you over, she has shown how irresponsible and reckless she is, that child shouldn’t have to suffer her mothers consequences. If that baby is not yours then you wash your hands of this whole mess and go on to find someone who will respect you and the relationship. No one should have to deal with this kind of betrayal and no child should have to be brought into these situations.
Good luck man
Edit: First gold! Thank you kind Anon!
NTA, she sounds like a total scumbag. don’t pay a dime until you get test results.
EDIT: also i don’t think there is any way to behave except “cold.” you didn’t do this, she did. if she didnt want to be treated like a piece of shit maybe she shouldnt have acted like one. personally I would have trouble concealing my rage.
Oh and if it wasn’t obvious; the fact she is so scared of a paternity test means you should definitely get one.
You sir will never be the asshole. I’d be the same way if I were in the same situation.
She cheated on you and then got pregnant and now wants you to not only stay together but also raise the kid as your own, and she lied to you about everything? Not sure how anyone would think you were the asshole.
She cheated on you for an extended period of time, and she lied about it. I’d be surprised if you weren’t cold and asked her to move out.
I’m sorry you’re in this position, man. It’s a terrible place to be.
Edit: thanks for the gold!
Edit 2: and my first platinum. Wow. Judging people has been so rewarding today.
You’ve solid evidence of her infidelity already.
If that’s not even your biological kid why should you be paying for child support? If your friends think you’re being such an asshole then they can pay her instead.
The fact they’re being so defensive and shady about getting a paternity test is just more reason to get one.
She’s also hurt you and you deserve the time and distance to heal.
She cheated on you, she’s TA.
PS: I believe they can now do paternity tests before the baby is born, you might want to look into that.
She cheated and you have proof of it.
Also, she did it with uttermost malice, saying you were richer than the real father.