Behind the screens of social media, she watched the life she should have shared slip further away, a stark contrast to her own lonely reality. The pain of invisibility and separation carved deep wounds, leaving her to grapple with a profound sense of loss, longing, and the haunting question of where she truly belonged.
I feel like this is such a cliché reddit story but I’m really struggling with what to do here so..
I am my mother’s oldest biological child. When I was 5 my father passed away and she remarried my step-‘dad’ when I was 8. When I was 9 I was sent away to live with my father’s sister who lived states away because her husband didn’t want me to live there anymore.
They used to pay my aunt some money to watch me but when I was 14 that stopped. My aunt and uncle worked low paying jobs and had two of their own children, so they really couldn’t afford the extra expense of having me around without that help.
Despite that, they let me stay and continued to treat me like one of their own. I very rarely saw my mom, I think I saw her 5 times between 9 and 18. She never even called. She went on to have three more children (19M, 18F and 16M) with my stepdad.
Growing up I used to stalk my siblings and parents on social media to see what their life was like and it was polar opposite to mine. They regularly went on expensive vacations, lived in a massive house and owned the latest gadgets, etc.
I went to college and got married at 23. My mother/siblings have no idea I’m married. I’m currently 28 and doing well financially. My husband and I own our own home, we have several very profitable investments and work high paying jobs.
My cousins (30F and 27F) and I all contributed to help my aunt/uncle to finally purchase their own home last year.
Recently, my mom showed up to my aunt’s house begging for financial help. Apparently, my stepdad suffered from a gambling addiction a few years ago and lost all their savings. Now with COVID he’s lost his job and they can’t afford to keep their house without help.
My aunt explained she didn’t have any money to help her and when my mother demanded to know how she could afford her new house if she had no money, she explained what me and my cousins had done.
My mom then asked for my number.
When she called me and explained the situation. I told her I couldn’t help. She kept begging me and claimed my siblings would be made homeless if I didn’t help them. I told her maybe she should sell some of their fancy stuff or they could all get jobs like my cousins and I had to.
I hung up before she could reply.
Since then I have been receiving message after message from my mom, my siblings and even my stepdad begging me for help. I have NEVER spoken to my siblings in my life. They’ve begun harassing my husband and my SIL.
They’ve also reached out to my aunt and cousins multiple times trying to get them to convince me to change my mind.
I’m SO angry with them all. They threw me away and when they need something, they come crawling back? But the guilt is also starting to set in an I don’t know if I’m being an asshole.
Am I?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing intense anger and conflict due to their mother and half-siblings resurfacing after years of absence, now demanding financial aid following the step-father’s financial mismanagement. The central conflict lies between the OP’s justifiable desire to maintain distance and protect the life they built independently, versus the inherited familial obligation or perceived guilt being leveraged against them by the estranged family members.
Given the history of abandonment and the current aggressive outreach by the entire family unit, the core question remains: Does a biological relationship automatically mandate financial rescue, especially when the family unit provided no support during the OP’s formative years, or does the OP have the absolute right to prioritize their own established security and well-being without facing accusations of being an ‘asshole’?
Here’s how people reacted:
You’ve made it clear you do not wish to speak to them. You’ve made it clear you want no relationship with them. Make sure you very specifically tell them this in person… Over the phone… And in writing through texting. Tell them they are to cease-and-desist any and all attempts to contact you or your family members. If they don’t, follow through with the restraining order, or at least see an attorney to have them issue a cease and desist letter to your ex-family.
Then continue with the lovely life that you have built with the family who has cared for you.
Edit: remove extra word and spelling
Your mom and step-dad basically sent you to the farm because he didn’t want you around, and then went on to have more kids and a happy family without giving you a second though.
They aren’t your family. Your family are your cousins, aunts and uncles that raised you and took care of you. Don’t give those STRANGERS a single penny or listen to them when they start up with half-assed apologies or demands that you pay them back the money they sent your aunt and uncle.
If they’re so desperate for cash, they’ve got assets & objects they can sell, they can get less-paying jobs but that can mean an income, and they can figure out how to live their lives without you, as they have for so many years.
Sorry you got that mother OP, but sounds like your aunt + uncle + cousins gave you a lovely home all the same.
edit: Shit I know it’s cringey to thank people for awards but six of em? Y’all I was just laying on the couch watching Hoarders and eating popcorn like a lizard when I wrote this comment so I’m surprised but thank you.
Your (birth)mother and stepfather decided who was important to them 20 years ago, and that hasn’t changed. You owe them nothing. There is absolutely no reason for you to support them.
Please find a way to prevent them from continuing to harass you and your family.
And congratulations on making such a great life for yourself – you deserve to enjoy it.
Your egg donor hasn’t been in your life. Your real parents are your aunt and uncle, who raised you, loved you, and helped you through your life. If your egg donor and her man want to be able to keep themselves afloat, they need to work for the things they refused to give you.
She’s not your mother, she’s just a surrogate. Your aunt has been a better mom for you than she ever could be.
And don’t you fuckin forget it. NTA