But with that new happiness comes an unsettling shift—grades falter, responsibilities slip away, and the son he once knew begins to drift. Caught between support and concern, the father grapples with the bittersweet challenge of letting go while holding on tight.
I (50M) am a single father to my son (15M). My son has been making exceptional grades and he plays for his high school’s baseball team. That was until he started dating a girl (17F).
They’ve been dating for the past few months and they seem very happy together, but my problem is that my son’s grades have been slipping, he’s been skipping out on chores at the house, and missing practice/games.
I’m not mad that he is dating, however that should come after business (school, baseball, etc.). So last week I told him that he is no longer allowed to spend time with her unless he gets his shit together, he responded “But Dad, I really like this girl”, I told him “That doesn’t matter, if you fail and flunk out of school, I don’t want you seeing her and that’s final”.
He signed and said “fine”. Well, until yesterday when I come back home from the store, and I found them on the living room couch together (he lied to me and said he would have a friend over to study).
I instructed him to go to his room, and then I turn to his gf and told her to “get the hell out of my house and stay away from my son, he doesn’t need this distraction, and if I ever catch you two together again, it won’t be pretty for either of you”.
Then the water works started and she stormed out. I go upstairs to my son who is already on the phone telling my mother and my sister. I take the phone and try to explain but I get lectured for “being too hard on him, he’s just a boy, etc.).
I’m just trying to keep my son from ruining his life before it even starts. If he fixes his grades and everything he can see her again.
Conclusion
The father is deeply concerned about his son’s declining academic performance and missed commitments, viewing the new relationship as the primary distraction that threatens the son’s future success. His reaction involved a strict ultimatum followed by an aggressive confrontation when the boundary was crossed, leading to significant emotional distress for the girlfriend and subsequent intervention from extended family who believe the father is being overly harsh.
Should a parent prioritize immediate relationship restrictions to enforce academic standards, even if it results in severe conflict and alienates the teenager, or is there a more effective way to mentor a developing young man through balancing personal life with serious responsibilities?
Here’s how people reacted:
I’m Mom of an 18 year old girl who is one of my favorite humans ever. She is smart, talented, goal setter, self starting. Just amazing. Until she met a boy. Last year. I do not like this boy. He has very little personality and no goals in life ( I like to joke that at least if he was selling drugs he’d be doing something). I don’t even have the words to describe his family. But, all of this aside, she likes him. She and I went through a real rough patch at the start of their relationship. Her grades were suffering, her attitude sucked, she feigned deaf when I would remind her of chores. I am not convinced I handled any of it right she spent about 3 months of her junior year grounded. I would lay out rules. She’d break them. Another week grounded. It was on cycle. Until one day she came home from his house after hearing how his dad spoke to him and she decided that was enough fighting with me. That things could be WAY worse for her.
I can only say that consistency is key. Set a rule with clear outlines. ( No test grades below ___, if you are expected at practice/game you will be there, your household chores are still yours they must be done by ____) then insert proper punishment. Every. Single. Time. It’s annoying to have to parent a teenager the same way we did our toddlers but it’s meeting them where they are developmentally.
I am going to say only TAH because of the yelling at the girl. Perhaps a sit down with an apology and outline of expectations would be good for the group. (I like to make sure there is food present so I have something to shove in my mouth when I would like to yell)
Good luck! It’s hard out here for parents!
WTF? I hope this is rage bait/troll.
‘Finally becoming a man’ – WTF does that mean?
‘Finally’? – he is 15. He has been a teenager for less than 2 years.
‘Becoming a man’? Do you mean you assume he will be having sex? While it is true that teenagers have sex, I find it very weird that you are *proud* that your 15 year old son is having sex.
>a remedial version of the “talk”
What do you mean by ‘remedial’??
You are weird. You can tell your son that he has to do his homework before seeing his girlfriend. You can tell him he can’t skip sports practice to see his girlfriend. But banning her from the house, and worse still – threatening her – is not acceptable. All that will achieve is to make him see her out if the home. That’s if she is willing to see him again after what you did.
I wouldn’t be surprised if no other girl wants to be his girlfriend after word gets around about what you did.
If you did that to my 17 year old daughter you would live to regret it.
And, finally, is that the kind if behaviour you want to midrl fir your son? That it’s okay to shout at and threaten young girls?
You are a dck. Either because of your behaviour or because this is fake. YTA
YTA both because your anger is directed at the wrong person and because you’re being dumb about how you’re handling this anyway. 15 is that time when they’re getting independent and testing boundaries. Your job is to help them understand their behavior has consequences, not by blowing up and making really stupid ultimatums, but by sitting down and discussing things, and learning to work WITH him instead of trying to bulldoze OVER him. Do you want a teenage pregnancy? Because this is how you get a teenage pregnancy. Now they have an excuse to be secretive and pretend the whole world doesn’t understand their love, it’s them against the wooooorld, blah blah blah. They won’t stop seeing each other. They’ll just stop telling you the truth. This just makes it feel more fun and forbidden and rebellious.
Secondly, you yelled at a young girl, can you imagine how she must have felt? You are a grown man, she is a kid. That was TA move.
Go and talk to your son, establish again the rules of school first, then talk to both of them. If I was you I would apologise to the girl.
Good luck.
Your child only hears the anger from you about the slipping grades, not completing chores and missing practice/games.
Learn to effectively communicate why those responsibilities are important. Not because only you find them important, but how it affects the trust between you and him and his future. You probably have not supported his relationship with this gf, but yelling at her was not a good show in your favor.
Also, you may need to talk with his grandmother and aunts so that they can support your cause for your child’s future.
“It won’t be pretty for either of you”? I’d report you. And there is no WAY I would ever let my daughter be around you. You totally overreacted and that is frightening.
Do her parents know what happened? Invite them too. Apologize to them too, if you have the courage. YTA and please seek help.
And all you’re doing is pushing your Yeager to lie to you and sneak behind your back. Dating is a normal, and you want to ban him?
Now for your son sounds like you havnt even talked to him.
They are both teenagers. They are going to lie and do shit they aren’t supposed to. How about stop trying to be a controlling asshat?
You were aggressive and rude to this teenager.
Will your job in “corrections” be affected when gf presses charges against you?
Poor kid. Thank God for Grandma & Auntie.
On another note, you’re encouraging your son to hide things from you.
Don’t look surprised when your son disappears from your life real soon.