As he faces his fourth aortic valve replacement, the quiet strength between a young man, his devoted girlfriend, and his mother unfolds in tender resilience. In the shadow of fear and uncertainty, their shared moments in a hotel room become a sanctuary of support, sacrifice, and understanding—reminding us that love is the greatest healer of all.
My son has a congenital heart condition. I didn’t know when he was born, but at 9 days old, he had his first open heart surgery with a valve replacement. Over the years he has many different surgeries and recently had his 4th aortic valve replacement due to a bacterial infection and truly almost died.
He’s 29 and doing great now. He has a gf with whom he has lived with for 4 years now and this was the very first time she had been in this situation so I understand that it is very scary!
Because of the circumstances she & I stayed in a hotel for a few nights together…She paid for most of it in fact! One day I asked my son if he wanted me to leave and let him & his gf have some days to themselves and I would go back home and see him in a few days.
All good and I go back home. We text and talk everyday and I visit on the days he asked me to come down.
Surgery is scheduled and I know that he wants his gf to be the last person he sees so I’m not even there when he goes in for surgery.
Due to the bad infection and the damage to his heart valve, the surgeon calls me, as his next of kin and asks for permission for many things to which I agree. One was an induced coma.
I call his gf and explain all of it to her. I rush to the hospital, sign all the consent papers & sit with my son who’s on a breathing machine in a coma. His gf had plans with her family that day and when he was wheeled into surgery I told him I would call her and tell her he loves her & I do.
Eight hours later I see his gf in the family waiting room and she starts screaming that I’m a psycho call security!!!
As calm as I can be I say “Gf, he can have 5 wives but he only has one mother,” and I walked out. Next day, idk what she told my son, less than 12 hours after all that, but I am no longer his next of kin or even allowed at the hospital anymore having been told in a text.
I didn’t fight about it, didn’t go back, nothing.
Now they’re in counseling and my son sent me a text saying that his life is off the rails bc I hate his gf, I’m a phyco, & I lied about what happened in the family waiting room!
Facts be facts is all I am saying & I know the gf must have been scared but there’s no ring I say it once more AITA bc I said that my son could have 5 wives but only has one Mom?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faced an intense medical crisis involving their critically ill son, leading to actions where they prioritized their role as mother, particularly by handling emergency medical consents. This created a severe conflict with the son’s girlfriend, who felt sidelined during a highly emotional event, leading to the OP being removed from the hospital and causing a fracture in the relationship with the son.
The core issue is whether the OP’s assertion of maternal authority during an emergency justifies overriding the immediate emotional needs and evolving partnership role of the son’s long-term girlfriend, especially when the son is incapacitated. Was the OP justified in prioritizing their legal and emotional status as mother over maintaining peace with the girlfriend in that moment, or did this reaction irreparably damage necessary family alliances?
Here’s how people reacted:
OP, you’re a smug asshole. And
You’re an unreliable narrator. Your word can’t be trusted. You have been asked point blank what your son and his GF could have had against you to go from staying in the same hotel, to having you banned from the hospital and revoking your power of attorney.
What I believe accounts for the holes in this story is this:
>Due to the bad infection and the damage to his heart valve, the surgeon calls me, as his next of kin and asks for permission for many things to which I agree. One was an induced coma. I call his gf and explain all of it to her. I rush to the hospital, sign all the consent papers & sit with my son who’s on a breathing machine in a coma. His gf had plans with her family that day and when he was wheeled into surgery I told him I would call her and tell her he loves her & I do.
>my son sent me a text saying that his life is off the rails bc … **I lied about what happened in the family waiting room!**
I think you downplayed the seriousness of the situation. When you say you “explained everything” I don’t believe you made it clearly understood what was happening. And later when you “told him I would call her and tell her he loves her & I do,” per your own telling of the facts, he was in a medically induced coma when you told him you’d relay this message. Meaning, you decided to speak for him. This was misleading, because it implies he was awake and speaking.
For THIS, the label “psycho” is absolutely earned. Well done getting your son to do a 180 from trusting you with his life to now not even trusting you to convey facts to his girlfriend and your own family.
YTA
I can’t imagine what it’s like having a child undergo multiple major surgeries throughout their life, especially at 9 days old, but I get the sense that you view this as something for you and him only.
You subtly undermine her capacity and desire to deal with the situation, mentioning it’s her first time and that she’d chosen to keep plans with her family. I doubt she would have and I think this is an effort to paint her in a certain light.
I believe she was so angry because you didn’t actually call her after the first surgery, even though you’ve said you did. There’s a lot of detail but you glossed over that part. She was livid because she thought he was okay when in fact his condition was much more serious. I think you wanted to maintain your relational dynamic with your son and she was in the way.
Just my opinion
INFO, what prompted this:
>AITA? Because 8 hours later I see his gf in the family waiting room and she starts screaming that I’m a psycho call security!!!
What prompted her to do this?
>As calm as I can be I say “Gf, he can have 5 wives but he only has one mother,” and I walked out.
And why would you say that?
If you decided not to tell her, you are honestly getting what you deserve.
If she declined to come after you told her, her reaction is demented.
I went no contact with my mother in 2015. I may have had “only one mom” but I chose to drop that to zero. Had she said something as heinous as your one mom vs five girlfriends comment, my resolve to remove her from my life would have been stronger.
Clearly there’s missing context here but, based on what you did provide, you’re the problem.
To people that are single, make a living will and put someone as your MPOA in case something happens and you are incapable of speaking for yourself!
Lady, I’m putting “Info” but you’re probably the ah since there is a huge chunk of this story missing. One minute you agree with the doctor to put your son into medically induced coma and the next minute your son is texting you that you don’t have medical proxy anymore?
Riiiiiiiiight.
Because of this I believe her and say NTA.
On the other hand, so many assholes replying to her.
Esh though because your son should have understood that you were still nok, and his gf was also out of line. Seems weird he would turn on you so quickly tho and block you from even visiting.
YTA, not just because of what you did, but because if you’re asking for a judgement you need to give full context.
You belittled your son’s relationship with his gf. YTA.
Find out what they’re upset about. Then decide whether you agree.
Simply being “mom” does not exempt you.
Your condescending attitude in your post and comments, makes me think YTA almost all the time.
But also you literally never say what she yelled at you about. Going with YTA