Sierra’s worn body tells a story of time and struggle, yet her spirit remains fierce, yearning to be part of the family’s joyous chaos. A well-loved armchair, scarred but cherished, offers her comfort and dignity, a small throne where she reigns supreme. This is not just a party; it’s a testament to enduring love, the gentle balancing of care and celebration, and the unspoken bonds that hold a family—and their beloved dog—together.
My grandma and mom asked if they could host a party at my place which happened yesterday. The reason why they asked for my place is because it’s centrally located to all my family members and it’s a home that’s been in the family for generations (I inherited it) so everybody is familiar with it.
Now I have an old girl, Sierra, and she’s 11 years old. She has arthritis and one really bad hip, but she’s a golden so obviously she wants to be right in everybody’s business and see what’s going on even though she can’t really walk around without being in pain anymore.
I got her a really huge armchair from goodwill and it’s basically super wide so she can comfortably sit on it. It’s covered in dog hair and scratches and slobber and she loves it. No one else sits on it apart from her.
Now sorry for TMI but I reinforce training my dog to sit in that chair because sometimes she has accidents and I sometimes have pads down on the chair, usually it’s predictable times such as the evening, BUT if I was to move her to the couch where she knows she isn’t allowed for the party that might confuse her.
My cousin has always been big her entire life but in the last few years she has become very very big. She she needs to use scooters to get around and she has a disabled placard etc.
She arrived at the party and after a few moments looking around she decided she wanted my dogs armchair because it’s wide.
I said no that’s sierras armchair, she was currently sitting in it and enjoying the attention everyone was giving her, and I have 3 couches 1 of which was taken up by kids. I said let the kids move to chairs from the dinner table and you can sit on the couch.
Because the couch is a little lower than the armchair I guess she said no, move your dog. She got rude and pushy, but I was absolutely not moving my in pain old age dog when there’s somewhere for my cousin to sit anyway.
I even explained about the puppy pads and she was like just move your fucking dog I’m in pain and can’t stand!
Some family members were strongly in agreement of her, and my mom and grandma were strongly in agreement with me, however it kind of cast a awkward light on the party because she kept loudly cursing at my dog every few moments and waving her arms around to try and scare Sierra off the armchair.
Luckily my dog was unimpressed but the whole thing was pretty stressful.
Conclusion
The original poster prioritized the comfort and specific needs of their elderly, arthritic dog, Sierra, by refusing to move her from her designated armchair, even when faced with significant family pressure. This created a direct conflict between the OP’s commitment to their pet’s well-being and their cousin’s demand for that specific, wide seating arrangement.
Was the OP justified in protecting their dog’s designated resting spot, given the dog’s physical limitations, even if it meant denying a convenience to a visiting cousin who also required accessible seating? Or, should the OP have prioritized the immediate social harmony and the cousin’s stated physical difficulty by relocating the dog to an alternative spot?
Here’s how people reacted:
If your cousin is as big as you say, with scooter and disabled placard, she likely struggles to get up from low seats, and seats without two arms. She has a legitimate and debilitating disability. She is likely not overreacting when she says she is in pain, and it may hurt her to get up from a low couch.
So, whilst your cousin was an asshole for trying to scare your dog, you are an asshole for not taking her legitimate disability seriously. Maybe you just wanted to punish her for her condition being her own fault (“she’s always been big”)? I mean, you may not be wrong, but you’re still an asshole.
I’ve had elderly, sick, arthritic and incontinent dogs, and I’m 100% sure you could have made your dog comfortable elsewhere for a couple of hours. Next to you on a couch with some towels and a puppy pad, for example. What’s the worst that could happen? An accident?
I love and spoil my dogs to bits, but I’ve never made a disabled guest uncomfortable, or caused them to be in pain, because I couldn’t have a small amount of flexibility on where the dog sits or snoozes.
Your cousin had other places to sit, she doesn’t get to steal the dog’s bed. She was then mean and cruel to your dog and made a scene at the party. The awkwardness is completely on her and honestly, I think she should have been told to leave after acting so inappropriately. She’s terrible, if it were me, she would never be allowed back.
I always tell people when they come to my house. “Remember, this is my dog’s home, not yours. So yeah, my animals take precedent. I’m not making them feel uncomfortable or changing their routine in their own home just for a visitor.”
I suffer from severe chronic pain. I’d consider you TA because even an inch in height can make the difference between being able to sit down/get back up out of a chair. It’s possible she thought the dog’s seat was the only one she could comfortably sit in.
Actually, I’d go with ESH because she sounded entitled with her argument, but you effectively cut her out of the party and made it impossible for her to enjoy herself. You were ableist and exclusionary.
I mean, I get it. My cat is my world. But you suck as a host, especially to someone who can’t just stand around or take whatever seating is available.
I am very much a fan of r/dogfree, but the fact of the matter is:
– It’s a chair, that cannot easily be moved.
– It’s in effect a dog basket complete with dog hair, dog saliva and indeed dog pee and dog shit…
– Your cousin and the other guests were tactfully made aware of that fact.
Humans and especially guests aren’t supposed to sit in the dog basket – even if they’re a little overweight.
You did your best to accommodate hygiene and your guests comfort, but your obese cousin doesn’t get to transfer dog hairs and dog shit to the rest of the furniture.
But it’s a balancing act, so I can understand why you emphasised the dogs comfort, over the salient reality of the situation…
NTA and no shit about it!
She’s not that immobile if she’s capable of getting off her scooter and walking into the house. The chair would have been an optimum option for her but she’s not entitled to demand whatever she wants in her host’s home. I have arthritis so I get the dislike for low seating but occasionally that’s all there is and you’re not being a bad host if that is what the seating in your house happens to be. All she had to do was make an extra effort, or ask for a helping hand, to rise up from the couch again afterwards. When poor Sierra is in that shape it tipped the scales in the NTA favour.
I am not overweight, but I do have MG, which makes my muscles weaken when I do so much as sit up straight. It infuriates me when people use their disabilities to act like inflexible pricks. Makes it so much harder for the rest of us to get the sympathy and assistance that we actually need, not just desire and demand.
So NTA here.
YTA for not telling her to get the hell out of your house at that point. A physical disability is not a free pass to be an asshole.
Give your doggo a boop for me