I’m a little torn on this, becaus unlike most other commentators I’m leaning towards YWBTA if you kept the ring.

To be clear, you arn’t obligated to give back the ring as it is yours now, but sometimes being the better person means doing something even if you don’t have to do it.

You choose to not inherite any jewellry in favor of the wedding dress (which was a really thouching thing to do btw). The rest of the family choose to divide up the jewellry by a simple system, and then they decided to gift you a piece of jewellry for to have as a keep sake. That to me comes across as this ring not being your inheritance, but a gift from you family, a gift given with love. They gave you what they thought was a cheap piece of jewllery, but that doesn’t take away from the gesture, as it wasn’t only meant to be a momento.

It is tacky to ask for a gift back, and it certainly comes across as greedy. If you had choosen to inherite jewellry and had participated in the system to divy up the jewellry fairly and had later realised you had ended up with the most expensive piece, then your family would defenitly be TA for even asking to re-do the choosing of jewellry. What makes this differently is that this was meant to be a nice gesture from your family, and after realising that they accidentilly gave you the most expensive jewellry it takes away the good feelings and intentions with which they gave it to you. They wouldn’t have given you that ring if they knew what it was worth, not because they don’t value you or believe you are entitled to an inheritance from your grandmother, but because they believe that as you had already gotten your choosen inheritance so that a jewellry with only a sentimental value was more suitable.

In an ideal world they would have been able to shrug of the mistake and everyone would still be happy with the jewellry they got regardless of what someone else got, maybe even be happy for your good fortune. But this isn’t an ideal world and your family is upset that they accidentilly gave away valueble jewellry instead of the sentimental momento they intended, so this is the situation you now have to deal with.

The main reason I believe you would be better of returning the ring and letting them re-do dividing up the jewellry is because otherwise what started up as a nice gesture from your family to you ends up causing a rift in your family. Inheritance can bring out the worst in people and ruing family relationships, but until now your family had managed to handle it fairly and even with kindness. This ring is the one issue. You would be such a good person for giving back something that is legally yours and accepting a less valuable jewellry instead to help your family maintain good relationships and feelings towards each other.

As I wrote about, you’re not obligated to do it at all. No one is obligated to be kind to others, especially of it costs them.

But considering that this ring was given to you with such kind intentions, it seems almost tragic to let it turn into something about which people are resentful. Especially when it’s seems solvable. It’s not like you care about the value of the ring, so accepting another piece of jewellry to have as a momento of your grandmother seems like a bareble sacrifise.

NTA – I feel like them wanting it back now that it’s valuable means they intend to sell it. In which case actually giving it back would make you part of the AH.

However, money and inheritance does weird things to people. My grandfather owned a farm in Poland that he didn’t sell or give away but instead leased it for the equivalent of property taxes. After 50 years his 3 kids had all moved to American and had lives here and kind of wrote off the farm. My mom, in her 70s, got kind of nostalgic of where she was a kid and on one of her trips back to Poland, started the legal paperwork to establish ownership (grandfather had died at this point). After countless hours of effort, thousands of dollars in lawyers fees and and an actual court proceedings she established ownership of the farm.

Then when she got back home the 2 siblings who didn’t want anything to do with reclaiming the farm and had written it off were clamoring for their “share”.

NTA they had ample time to examine the ring like you did. They chose to give it to you but now they want it back because its valuable? That’s pretty crappy to me. Why can’t you have something that is valuable? I would keep it, no givesies backsies.

However, if you feel like it’s fair and you’re okay with it, give it back.

If you want to keep it, put it in a safe deposit box at a bank. Small ones are cheap enough. Some banks have a special where if you open up a checking account, the first year is free. I would call around.

The choice is up to you. If you chose the latter, I wouldn’t be surprised if it “goes missing” in the coming weeks until it’s secured.

Take care and good luck

Honestly I’m going to go against the grain here. If anyone gives you a gift with a misunderstanding of it’s true value, and you find out. It’s imho your responsibility to ask them if they still wanted it to be a gift to you. It just feels gross to me to ever take a gift that someone regrets giving you. It was originally an act of kindness/inclusion, and it shouldn’t turn into something ugly. You didn’t have the ring before you’ll be fine if you don’t have it in the future.

NTA. This is really distasteful that they’re doing that. Honestly I think you made a mistake in informing them the diamonds worth. Bad move, should’ve kept that to yourself. In the end I suppose you have to decide how much that is worth to you in the grand scheme of things and how it will affect your relationship with your family. I feel like you have the right to keep it, they gave it to you and it’s their own fault for not checking it’s value first.

ESH. they shouldn’t ask for it back, but you should offer to give it back. That’s the decent thing to do (and asking for it back isn’t polite either, by the way). It was a gift, but it was also a mistakenly given gift. Etiquette here says you should offer to exchange it for something else. Yeah, they didn’t follow etiquette either.

NTA. They chose their favorite piece, and gave you the leftover. Not your fault their favorite pieces didn’t happen to be the most expensive. I know the term isn’t politically correct but: they’re being indian givers. If you want to keep the gift they gave you, that’s your prerogative.

Since OP said that she doesn’t intend to sell it then she’s clearly NTA. Whoever wants to redistribute it is just looking to increase their wealth. OP having the ring will possibly keep it in the family a lot longer than Cousin Martha would if she had the ring.

YTA. Disagreeing with nearly everyone here, looks like, but one of her daughters should have that ring.

Your late grandma didn’t give that to you, so you have no big sentimental feeling about it. And you said you didn’t want jewelry anyway.

NTA – they literally chose the ring for you. Not your fault they didn’t have the jewelry appraised first. They honestly sound so greedy, it was about the sentiment before and now it’s about the money? Nope, you’re good, enjoy your ring!!

Nta. If it was fake you can keep it but once it’s worth something they want it back? Well, they already gave it to you. You can’t just gift something to someone and then ask for it back. That would make them TA

NTA. So they’re willing to let you have junk but now want it back when it’s actually worth something? Nope, too late. It’s yours. They had their chance.

NTA – I’m going to be the superstitious one and tell you it’s your grandma’s doing from afterlife. Now make her proud by being a super duper person.

NTA, they gave you the thing that was “worthless” until they found out it was worth money, now they want it. They gave it to you it yours.