Their shared kitchen, once a place of harmony, became a battleground of beliefs and unspoken frustrations. Every meal was a reminder of the divide, not just in diet but in understanding. As she watched videos and voiced fears, he grappled with feeling judged and isolated, struggling to reconcile love with conviction in a relationship tested by more than just food.
I (26M) eat a lot of steak, about 5-6 days a week. I also lift weights everyday and this is my main source of protein. My girlfriend (26F) turned vegetarian about 6 months ago and so she will never eat anything I cook, except for the sides (potatoes, veggies, pasta, etc).
Most days I cook steak and pasta because it is easy to prepare.
My girlfriend never commented about my eating habits until a month ago. I have noticed that she has been watching a lot of videos on youtube, specifically about the dangers of red meat.
She knows I eat a lot of steak, chicken, and lamb. It has been this way since we moved in together about two years ago. Initially she started off by asking me whether I was concerned about the amount of meat I consume, in terms of health risks.
Later on over the month she started bringing up how ruminants can be detrimental to the environment. Initially I didn’t say much about it, and assumed she’ll just stop. But as time went on, she eventually talked about animal cruelty, and today was the breaking point.
Today she told me I should cut out red meat completely. She brought up animal cruelty and tried making me watch videos on youtube. I told her I didn’t want to watch the videos and even if I did, I wouldn’t change my eating habits.
This led into her talking about how people don’t care about animals, aninal slaughter, and how they’re raised.
This is when I got upset, because I have never once commented about her eating habits. I told her that if she doesn’t want to eat meat, that’s her choice, but she shouldn’t force her beliefs on other people.
I also told her since she’s been watching those documentaries, her reality has been completely warped.
After some arguing, she has now gone to bed and hasn’t spoken much to me since the discussion.
Conclusion
The original poster feels frustrated because his girlfriend is trying to impose her new vegetarian beliefs onto his long-standing dietary habits, leading to conflict despite his efforts not to interfere with her choices.
Is it acceptable for a partner to pressure the other to drastically change fundamental lifestyle habits, such as diet, based on their own moral or ethical shifts, or must each partner maintain complete autonomy over their personal choices within the relationship?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your situation may come down to being no longer compatible. If she can’t or won’t respect your choices the way you respect her’s, you won’t be able to get past this. One option if you can’t have a productive conversation with her on this is couples therapy. On Reddit, this is a common “go to” suggestion, but that’s because it’s often needed when two people can’t talk things out themselves. Often what’s needed is an uninterested 3rd party perspective, with the best choice being the therapist because they also give you the tools for more effective communication. It doesn’t always solve the problem when two people become incompatible based on a shift in beliefs. Sometimes that rift is too deep, but in my opinion it’s worth the try when 2 people love each other.
She’s not factually wrong about her claims. Or rather, some version of her claims are accurate. Too much red meat in your diet is bad for you in the long term. Some red meat farming is pretty bad for the environment. Red meat production can be pretty cruel to animals. Those are definitely true – her reality isn’t necessarily being distorted (I’m sure there are false claims along the same lines, too). But you’re allowed to have your values about your diet, and if you don’t feel her attempts to convince you are compelling, you’re not obliged to change what is, fundamentally, a decision about you.
You’re not an AH for refusing to change your diet for her. You may be setting yourself up for health problems later (which is not a moral or immoral thing to do). You two may be incompatible, because sharing a kitchen sounds like a challenge.
It wasn’t clear to me that she’s an AH. She believes what she believes, and feels strongly about it. She’s angry because she feels you’re cruel and uncaring to animals. That’s a valid reason to be angry. You don’t agree and that’s valid too.
I don’t know that there’s a clear moral right here. NAH
She might calm down about it once she gets useful to it or she might stay this passionate. I think if you could have a conversation with her about how you both feel and that you need to respect but not control each other’s choices. Maybe it would help if you could agree to have a veggie meal now and then with her. You can actually get decent protein from veggie meals and this would show you were trying to work with her and listening to her health concerns.
Ultimately though if you can’t find a way to compromise and live with each other’s choices without conflict it sounds like a fundamental incompatibility. That sucks but we change and grow and sometimes our relationships don’t fit us anymore.
Whilst I was leaning towards no AH i changed my mind on the basis of why she’s commenting on your diet.
The problem here, in my opinion, is that beliefs you have, whether they’re religious, dietary etc. shouldn’t be pushed on someone else. Regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or a complete stranger. You’re free to talk about them, but it bothers me when anyone tries to change your beliefs, you have to respect not everyone feels the same and has to make their own decisions on these things.
That said, had she made comments purely on a health perspective I’d have sided with her. Eating red meat has been linked to cancers and other health issues. So, if she had made comments on this basis, as your girlfriend, I’d have understood because she’s concerned about your health.
A vegetarian/vegan should not dictate a stranger’s diet… but you are not a stranger, and if one is a vegetarian/vegan for ethical reasons, it is difficult to ignore a partner consuming red meat SIX TIMES a week.
I’m a pescatarian. My partner is a standard-issue meat eater that loves pepperoni. I have never dictated his diet, and I never will, but he has made an effort to consume less meat (and join in my veggie meals), which I deeply appreciate.
While cutting out meat completely is taking it a bit too far, I think, as a considerate partner, you should consider cutting down on meat. It would actually be healthy for you, too, if you reduced your intake to maybe 3 days a week.
An effective solution to this would be to rethink both of your diets and point out to her that her diet is lacking in a lot of important things that a balanced meal should have. (I’m assuming you’re from the US where a lot of good quality, nutritious, not highly-processed and tasty vegetarian options are fairly limited. In which case looking at other cuisines that incorporate both veg and non-veg items is a great option)
I’m also vegetarian but I agree with you that your girlfriend shouldn’t be trying to change you just because she’s changed her own diet and viewpoints, and so recently too! Who’s to say she’s even going to remains vegetarian for more than a year or so? People’s diets are personal, and meat *is* the easiest protein source.
NTA.
Is it possible she feels unsupported in her vegetarianism and would appreciate if you made full meals she could eat? One veggie meal per week is a reasonable ask as a compromise imo.
I’m making assumptions here about the vegan stuff btw. But you both need to have a conversation about the future. Because you can’t really co exist as a couple as they are extreme opposites. If you BOTH can compromise, then that is a start.
But start talking now, be respectful of each others views but don’t impose your lifestyle onto each other because it’ll lead to resentment
I think that this might be something that makes you fundamentally incompatible. Will you agree on any potential children’s diets etc? I think you need to have a long sit down conversation. Good luck!
So, I’ll say YTA, not because you don’t listen to your gf, but because eating meat is inherently rooted in suffering and you’re completely unconcerned.
Oh, she’s one of “those” people AND she wants to control and change you to fit her needs. I have a feeling though that with her new found change into being a grass eater and not accepting that you still eat meat, she will soon leave to find someone else that is more compatible with her eating style. This seems to be a big issue to her, but either way you should not change your eating preferences (though eating steak all week seems excessive and expensive).
The moment she changed to coercion and manipulation she crossed a line and should step back. No one should guilt their partner into a matching lifestyle change.
I guess if the animals are cute and big enough, vegetarians don’t give a shitZ
I eat meat and have cooked a complete meal for my vegetarian gf for 14 years. Kind of weird to only give her “sides.”
I think you could make more of an effort cooking for her and that she in turn could cook vegetarian food that suit your needs.
Not sharing a value can be painful but if she wants you to eat less meat she can make an effort.
OK to say you have heard enough about animal cruelty.
But red meat is a known cancer risk, and avoiding the information about it does not make it safe.