>he’s decided he wants to be more healthy

Well that’s good!

>and ***he*** wants ***me*** to start bulk cooking so ***he*** can take lunch to work

(record scratch) Uh…..

>He had a little sulk

That’s not a very emotionally mature reaction to being told no.

>as the one out of the two of us in a full time job, I should learn how to cook for him

Nope nope nope nope nope

>His parents are saying I am

AAAAAAAAAAND he went running to mummy and daddy rather than start doing an often thankless and tedious chore that is a basic thing that human adults need to know how to do.

You are NTA. Your boyfriend is having a tantrum. YOU are not forcing your boyfriend to be a vegan. You are asking, reasonably, for him to be responsible for preparing the part of the the meal that he and he alone will eat. If he refuses to prepare the part of the meal that he and he alone will eat, then that’s on him.

By the way 1: this is a signal that you and he have very different ideas about who is going to do household and care work. If you are thinking long-term with this person, it’s worth having a bunch of discussions (possibly with a counsellor) about expectations and reality. It’s also worth starting household labour divisions now (Unfuck Your Habitat has checklists, Chore Wars is a kind of kiddy game but good for tracking who has done what work).

By the way 2: ” he ‘doesn’t know how to cook chicken’ and was ‘worried he’d get salmonella’ ” This is called learned helplessness and it is a manipulation tactic. If he said that after you told him to buy precooked chicken, he’s trying to guilt you into cooking for him despite you giving him a no-cook option. Be aware that this is happening, and it’s also something to consider if you want to be in a LTR with this man.

And if he’s going to keep nagging you to do work for him rather than take care of his own self, then…. [https://twitter.com/wholemandispose](https://twitter.com/wholemandispose)

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EDIT 1: Thanks for all the sparkles, everyone!

EDIT 2: There are two kinds of learned helplessness…there’s the kind where you torture someone every time they try to help themselves so they stop trying, and there’s the kind where, when asked to do a new/undesired thing, the person will sea lion, argue, procrastinate, avoid, and otherwise be such a pain in the neck that the person who asked gives up and does the thing themselves. The person doing the manipulating has *learned* that if they are *helpless*/hopeless, they don’t have to do the undesired thing. I see this very commonly with men being asked to do house work or care work. If anyone knows a more appropriate phrase I’ll edit the post.

EDIT 3: After thinking about it, this is a deeper thing than just chicken pasta. Wanting to change his behaviour to healthy eating habits means that there’s care work involved — specifically, self-care. It’s very telling that the boyfriend’s reaction to being asked to do the WORK part of self-care work (cooking his own food) was to whine and try to dump it on OP.

You are so NTA. If he wants meat he can learn to cook it himself. I’m veggie and when I was living with my ex, who was an omni, he ate what I cooked and if he wanted meat then he cooked it himself, bought a meaty lunch at work or ordered meat when we went out for dinner. I don’t even think it was a discussion we had, it was just understood that I wouldn’t cook meat. If you were saying “no meat in the house” then I could understand that his parents felt you were forcing your choices on him but all he needs to do is cook his own meat. Maybe his parents could teach him to cook chicken?

NTA

your boyfriend is a baby who sent his parents to try to bully you into being his cook. This is not ok.

if he want things to be cooked in bulk, he should do it or you should cook together. Since it would be only once every few days. Being a student is extremely demanding and doesn’t stop after you get out of school.
does he bring extra work from the office or wherever he works ? Because you certainly do and have a future to secure and that is certainly more important than being his chef

ESH. A grown adult should know how to cook for themselves, they should also know how to be appreciative if someone else is cooking for them freely, and barring any food allergies they should be grateful and shut up and eat it. Also if you’re cooking for people with different dietary preferences or requirements, you should take that into account and cook accordingly rather than just refusing to take what they want into account.

NTA. Not even close. He says he won’t cook chicken because he doesn’t know how to, yet expects a vegan to know how to cook it for him. You’re already being nice by cooking pasta and other dishes for him. If he wants chicken pasta then he can cook the whole dish by himself. That’ll teach him not to be lazy. And that whole line about it being your job to learn to cook because you aren’t working a full time job was distasteful.

NTA.

>he wants me to start bulk cooking so he can take lunch to work

Why doesn’t he cook himself this bulk food? You are not his mother. He is an adult who can do this whether or not his girlfriend is vegan. If he was living alone, he’d have to do it himself. He should not look at you as “now I have a personal chef since my girlfriend moved in”.

NTA. You cook chicken till there’s no pink. Legit easiest meat ever to cook. He can grow up and stop using excuses. And I buy premade chicken to put in my meals all the time so it was a good suggestion. Please win this battle cause I feel he will end up “not know how to do laundry”, evidently making you do that too (it’s a slippery slope).

NAH. I can understand both sides to this, and I do agree he needs to cook his own meat. You’ve already stated you were uncomfortable. It can’t just suddenly be an issue after already agreeing to it. He is a little more of TA for telling his parents too. It’s none of their business.

NTA. You respect his choice to eat meat, but that does not mean you have any type of obligation to cook his meals. Also, lets be honest, is kinda ridiculous a man in his 20s that can’t prepare his own food. He is not a child and should respect your denial to cook meat for him.

NTA

You’re not forcing him to be vegan. As an adult he needs to be able to cook for himself! It’s perfectly fair to ask him to prepare his own meat as you are vegan, and you are kind to offer to cook the “vegan part” of the dishes!

NTA

He knew your dietary restrictions prior to moving in together. He can learn to cook – it’s not hard to begin cooking simple things like chicken. Even a youtube video will get him started.

NTA. He’s a grown ass man who needs to learn to be a grown ass adult. You’re not forcing him to be vegan.

Tell him I said you know the chickens done when it’s no longer pink on the inside.

I generally don’t find myself siding with vegans but in this case if your bf wants to alter his eating habits then it’s up to him to do his own cooking if you’re unwilling to. NTA

NTA. Your boyfriend is a lazy asshole. God forbid he has to learn how to cook chicken at 22 years old. One of the easiest things to cook.

Ooooo boy I’d be tempted to ask him if he’d like a mom or a girlfriend and he can pick one. But one involves no sex.

NTA

NTA – cooking is an essential life skill – if he wants to eat something that only he will eat he should cook it himself

NTA. He a grown man. He responsible to feed himself. Helplessness on that level is really unattractive.