Carlos’s story is one of struggle beneath the surface—a young man torn between responsibility and escape, caught in the harsh realities of life and work that stretch him to breaking point. His choices unravel not only his future but the delicate fabric of family, leaving a mother to grapple with heartbreak, hope, and the heavy weight of forgiveness.
To begin with I love my son with all my heart. But he blew up his marriage by cheating and has moved back home.
I F55 have three children. My oldest is my daughter 30, then my twins 25MF.
My oldest just got married to a wonderful man. My younger daughter is going to grad school overseas and that leaves my son. Let’s call him Carlos.
He has always been a handful. He got married when he was 20. His ex wife had a three year old daughter whom I love and no matter what I am her grandmother. They had a child together, my other grandchild.
He is two.
COVID caused a lot of stress in his life and he works in a fly in fly out camp job. He is gone for two weeks at a time. Then home for two weeks. He makes very good money and enjoys spending it.
Maybe a little bit too much.
Carlos cheated on his wife with a coworker. I am not judging him. I am not perfect. But he chose to leave his wife and children. And move back home. It doesn’t really make sense for him to rent an apartment or something for the 12 days a month he is home.
So I allowed it. But he decided to be an ass, in my opinion, and bring his dog with him.
My grandbabies love this dog. But he is trying to punish his ex for telling him to leave.
It is a beautiful border collie and it is the perfect dog for their home. Huge yard, lots of walking trails nearby, even an off leash park only a ten minute drive away.
I live in an apartment downtown. I am allowed a dog but if I were to have one it would be something sedate and non shedding like a Maltese.
I swear I tried watching this dog. But my son is irresponsible. He doesn’t walk him much. He doesn’t brush the dog. He is just holding on to the dog to lever his way into his ex’s life.
The last straw was this last time off work. He was away for two weeks, Nd then came home for one day before flying off to the United States for a vacation with his new girlfriend.
So I called my DIL, checked that she wanted the pup back, she almost cried with joy, packed up everything that belonged to the dog and took him over there. My grandchildren were ecstatic.
My son just came home for three days before he has to leave for work and asked where his dog is. I told him the truth.
He is calling me an asshole for giving away his pet. Also because I said that if he tried to go get the dog and bring it back he was not welcome in my home.
AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is faced with a difficult situation involving her adult son’s marital failure and the resulting disruption to her home life, particularly concerning the care of his dog. Her central conflict arises from supporting her son’s need for temporary housing while simultaneously enforcing limits on his irresponsible behavior, which ultimately led her to rehome his pet, prioritizing her own peace and the dog’s welfare over her son’s immediate demands.
Was the OP justified in giving away her son’s dog, knowing it would cause conflict, or did her action overstep parental boundaries by disposing of his property? The core debate rests on whether a parent has the right to set strict conditions on the use of their home, even if it means removing an item the adult child values, especially when that item is being weaponized in a divorce.
Here’s how people reacted:
From my perspective you didn’t give away *his* pet, you returned the family dog to a healthy environment for that breed instead of letting your son neglect him. You returned the **family** dog to your grandkids who were understandably ecstatic to get their good boy back.
What kind of father takes an adored doggo **from his own kids**? He’s already destroyed his family by cheating and leaving them. But he chooses to traumatize his kids even further?
Bravo for refusing to participate in his punishment of his ex and his kids. Bravo for telling him if he tries it again, he’s OUT. I believe you should also say if he moves out of your home and steals the dog again you will report him for theft yourself.
Good job, Grandma!
NTA
The dog has never been his. He’s never been home long enough to bond. The dog belongs to the wife & kids who he lives with 100% of the time and is cared for by them.
Your son took the dog out of her house as a cruel act of retribution for consequences he had fully earned.
Thank you for returning the happy beastie to his real people. ❤❤❤❤
Even though you love him, you’re allowed to judge him. And you should. Taking his kids’ dog away just to be mean? Gigantic asshole move.
Better your grandkids have the dog, they’ll care for each other.
NTA you did good.
He does not, at present, have the kind of lifestyle that makes it possible to house a dog.
Your son is a A H.
Honestly, it does make sense for him to pay rent for a few days per month. Consequences for his horrible behavior are not a terrible thing.
You sent the dog home to a loving family who are not strangers. You made your grandchildren happy. Sounds like your son is not a good dog owner anyway.
No matter the circumstances, it wasn’t your dog to give away.
You should have told your son to find other arrangements.