Hope flickered briefly when he passed interviews with a staffing agency, promising a fresh start as a systems engineer. But that fragile hope was shattered with a failed drug test, a consequence of his reliance on medical marijuana. His dreams crumbled once more, leaving a trail of disrupted schedules and dashed expectations in the quiet chaos of their lives.
He was laid off from a systems development job as were many others. He had also been aggressively emailing the company CFO however, ranting about a social media policy he refused to sign.
He sent over 7 emails, despite being told not to, managed to accuse the CFO of supporting moms for liberty… it was batshit. So I’m pretty sure he moved himself to the top of the corporate layoff line.
He hasn’t been able to find anything, so he started with a staffing agency. He passed the interviews for an FPL systems engineer, and told me that he was going to start in early April and would need me to rearrange my schedule every Friday to pick up the kids from school.
I am a nurse practitioner and see patients in an office setting. Today I had my staff call everyone scheduled to see me on Friday afternoons, explain my schedule has changed, and reschedule them.
I came home and he tells me he failed the drug test, which we knew he would, as he has medical marijuana.
He then ranted about a “policy that the results would be kept on file for seven years and it’s so shady, what are they going to do with my DaTa?!” And said he’s calling the agency tomorrow to demand they scrub his files and rescind the job offer.
I pointed out that they can’t do that, the 7 years is standard for all medical notes, and the service and notes have been provided and billed. I told him to simply explain he has a license and see what happens.
He screamed at me that “you want me to take any shit job out there just to humiliate me”. Like what? 90k a year, despite no benefits (I’m paying for them out of my job) is not a shit job, we have a mortgage and two kids in private school, every job is going to drug test you and hold the records, just take the job.
Am I missing something here? AITAH?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing significant stress due to their spouse’s recent job loss, erratic behavior leading to the loss, and now a potential opportunity being jeopardized by a positive drug test related to medical marijuana use. The central conflict lies between the OP’s pragmatic need for financial stability, demonstrated by rescheduling her critical patient appointments, and the spouse’s defiant, uncompromising stance against standard employment procedures, which further threatens their income and family security.
Is the OP correct in insisting their spouse accept the job offer, comply with standard record-keeping policies, and focus on financial recovery, or is the spouse justified in feeling personally targeted by the drug testing policy and demanding the records be destroyed, potentially sacrificing a necessary income source?
Here’s how people reacted:
I would also ask if he has a specific medical condition that requires marijuana to treat. The FDA has not approved cannabis to treat any medical condition. Some states allow “medical marijuana”, but there is no on-label use of any cannabis product. It’s really common for cannabis users to get a medical marijuana prescription just so they can use their drug of choice, though some cancer patients take it to help their appetite and pain.
I say this because if he has a diagnosed medical condition, and he’s looking for work in companies that drug test, maybe he should, and I’m just spitballing here, STOP TAKING CANNABIS and take a prescription actually approved by the FDA for his condition.
Your husband harassed the CFO until he got himself fired. Then he took a drug test while interviewing, knowing full well he’d fail, and that it would go on his record for years.
It seems like he does not connection his actions with the result.
You’re in a pickle. If you divorce, now, you’ll probably pay him alimony.
NTA
I work in mental health and some of this behaviour is raising some yellow flags to me.
Is this behaviour normal for him or has this ranting behaviour just started to occur in the last few weeks/months?
If there had been a change in his behaviour over the last few months, especially around increased irritability and paranoia…this may be a sign of a developing mental health issue. Is he more emotionally spontaneous? Going from 1-100 quickly? Is he socially isolating himself and being more secretive? How long had he been on medical marijuana? Has there been any problems with it in the past?
If so, I highly recommend he have a mental health assessment….these as signs of developing psychosis.
I was also laid off 13 years ago and after a year of looking found something for less than half my previous salary. I took it, stayed a year, found another position, and moved up. I’m hoping not to do that again, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and bite the bullet when it comes to supporting your family.
I don’t want to project on your husband, but it sounds like he needs to get his stuff together, swallow some pride, and think about his family.
Ask him what’s going – how does he feel? What does he think is going on? What are his plans/
He should smoke some and relax.
NTA
I’ve also walked away from 80k jobs because they expected me to work 15 hour days and not be compensated for my overtime. Told them to shove it.
Has your husband always been at this level of self sabotage because of what he thinks is ‘right’ or is this a new development?
NTA, but how dumb and useless is your husband?