As the train pulled away from the station, the man’s presence beside her was more than just a shared seat; it was an unspoken intrusion into her carefully contained space. The question hung in the air between them, heavy with a mixture of curiosity and unease, hinting at the unexpected story poised to unfold in the confined intimacy of the morning commute.
I (20sF) am in the train to head to the airport for work. It’s early morning, I am juggling a suitcase, laptop bag, handbag, breakfast and coffee – and find a window seat on the train in the middle of a cabin put all my stuff and coat on the seat / floor next to me and start having breakfast.
Train is not empty, but certainly not busy, all the rows have one person sitting in it, generally on the window seat, while 80% of the aisle seats are free. About a minute before departure a man comes in, walks through the cabin and stops in front of me – asking to sit down.
I look confused but start moving things to free up space, sitting on top of my coat, knees almost in my ears to be able to squeeze my suitcase under my feet, put away the breakfast I won’t be able to have and have my two bags on my lap.
Train has departed already, and the man is still standing there (instead of sitting down in the empty seat behind him). When he finally sits down next to me, I ask him: why this seat.
The rest was empty and would have been easier and faster for both of us.
He then goes on a rant that people should not be occupying seats for stuff instead of people – and gets enraged when I say I agree if the train is busy, but in this case it’s nearly empty…
It was an awkward rest of the trip, however, I was very tempted to spill my coffee on him – but now I wonder if I was an asshole for my reaction. Am I?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) prioritized their immediate need for comfort and space to manage their belongings while traveling lightly occupied, leading to a direct confrontation with another passenger who prioritized an established social etiquette regarding seat occupancy. The central conflict stems from a difference in interpretation regarding acceptable personal space claims versus shared public courtesy when resources (seats) are plentiful.
Was the OP justified in reserving space for their belongings when the train was not full, or was the male passenger correct in demanding the seat immediately based on a principle that people should take precedence over property in shared spaces? Where should the line be drawn for personal convenience versus adherence to unwritten public transit rules?
Here’s how people reacted:
I was feeling ballsy that day and demanded he sit near me instead (late 20s f).
He proceeded to grab my bags (because “I was breaking the rules” in having a bag on a seat, on a mostly empty bus. He bent them to put them where they would not fit, and ruined my only pair of nice shoes. I’d gotten then from an op-shop and could neither afford nor find another nice pair.
Some men use public spaces to intimidate and bully women. It makes them feel powerful (they’re pathetic).
Head over to r/witchesvsthepatriarchy and post this story. You’re not the asshole. You and I both need to learn how to tell people to fuck off immediately and not apologise.
He sat right next to me.
On an empty coach.
I’ll be honest I probably overreacted but I said In an incredulous tone “why are you sitting next to me? The coach is empty. You are so weird. Please can you move”.
In fairness to the guy he looked confused but moved straight away to the seats on the opposite aisle. The coach remained mostly empty and we both had the two seats to ourselves the whole trip. In hindsight I don’t actually think he was being creepy I think he just went on autopilot and sat down but I have no issue calling people out in these sorts of situations.
It is strange the man wanted to sit next to you. You were right to call him out. NTA.
maybe it’s my trauma speaking but i always think men don’t think of how worrying it can be for a woman when they refuse to sit in other available seats just so they can sit beside a woman and presumably hit on them or just make them uncomfortable, like when i get on the bus or train i always look for the first available seat that’s besides a woman or femme because i just feel safer but men never think of these things bc they don’t have to worry about it…
People like this guy clearly have nothing better to do with their sad little lives.
It is annoying when people see that the train is getting busy but don’t move their bags from the seats next to them, but this isn’t the case in your situation. The guy was just being a prick because he wanted to make a point.
I think filling up the adjacent seat with luggage etc. is bad manners, not just that the suitcase might have been wheeled through all kinds of dirt on the way to getting on that seat.
It’s also bad manners to sit next to someone when there are free seats.
ESH.
Unless there were assigned seats and you had booked both the correct response for you would have been to move
Gosh, that seems to be in vogue these days.
NTA. Also, I hate everything.
He probably wanted to hit on you or wanted to cause, ether way, he was definitely unnecessary.
(I would’ve said “yes” then grabbed all my stuff and go sit somewhere else to have my space back 😂)
Next time just say “I’m saving this seat for my friend,” even if the airport is the next stop.
If there’s plenty of open seats, it’s fine to use the extra seats for your stuff.
Chances are he either just wanted to start shit it or to hit on you or something.