Despite the neglect and the pain, J’s mother holds no grudge, only a fierce desire for connection. When a glimpse of the father’s true feelings surfaced in a birthday post, it revealed a heartbreaking truth: a love expressed too late, overshadowed by choices and distance. In this story of absence and longing, the resilience of a mother’s love shines brightest, refusing to let walls of separation define her son’s story.
Little baby “J” was born 16/5/17. His dad broke up with me during the pregnancy. I wanted him to be involved, and he promised he would be, but he was never there. He got into a relationship quickly, and I heard his new partner was pregnant within three months.
He has never been there for J. He has seen him only three times, totaling less than four hours. He does not pay child support, but I do not want child support from him.
I have a friend who is friends with my ex on Facebook. My ex recently posted a picture of J on his wall from the day he was born. The caption read, “Happy 3rd birthday, K, I wish your mother wouldn’t keep us apart anymore, I wish you could meet your sibling but that isn’t happening, I hope in the future we will meet just know you are my world.” (He had wanted to name our son K).
I do not keep them apart; I encourage visits and even bought J a car seat and a place for him to sleep when he visits. People were sympathizing with him online.
So, I know this is tacky, but I commented with screenshots of texts showing me offering to bring J over and asking him when he would visit. I was blocked three to four hours later, but the damage was done.
He texted me calling me an AH, saying his girlfriend broke up with him over the post, and that he now looks bad in front of his family. I do not care what he thinks, but my friend thinks I was an AH too and that what I did was in bad taste.
AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing conflict due to the absent father of their child publicly portraying themselves as a devoted parent being kept away from his son. The OP acted defensively by exposing text messages that demonstrated their attempts to facilitate contact, leading to immediate backlash from the ex-partner and a friend.
Was the OP justified in publicly defending themselves against false claims of obstruction, or did their method of response cross a line into inappropriate public shaming? The core debate lies between protecting one’s reputation against defamation and maintaining civility when co-parenting (or managing a relationship) with an uninvolved party.
Here’s how people reacted:
He was showing off and now he’s busted. There are no circumstances under which his bad irresponsible decisions make you TA. This is all on him.
Also, I’m echoing the folks above – get child support for J. Even if you never touch it and just bank it for him, it will be really helpful to have that for his future needs. And surely his father, excellent actor that he is, will welcome the opportunity to be present for his son in any way possible, even if purely financial.
If I may offer some unsolicited advice: Make him pay child support. I get why you don‘t want him to. But it‘s your son‘s money and you should go get it for him.
Edit: grammar
NTA!
It’s good that you exposed his lies.
Oh and file for child support. Whether or not you want it, your child deserves the support of both parents. If you don’t need the money, then you put it away for his education.
Edited: Wow TY for all the awards. I am a firm believer that the child comes first. Always.
I would never trust someone who isn’t apart of their kids’ lives. Saying “the mom won’t let me see baby” is such a cop out bs excuse.